So I've found myself in a weird situationship the last few months. I was trying to help a friend of mine get over some icky trauma stuff and it led to sex and now regular hangouts and doing things together. once she is better she will realize I'm not the one for her (we're very different people), but I think she's grown attached and feels safe around me. I have been trying to treat her properly (listening, being present, anticipating her needs, etc.) so she gets to have a better experience than she's had most of her dating life. And I do care about her, she's fun, generous, affectionate and sweet. But I am not really comfortable in her place; her bed is a little bit too small and uncomfortable, she smokes a lot of weed, has a huge sometimes unruly dog, likes her music kinda loud – it's all a bit much for me long term, but I can tolerate it for a few nights a week while we hang out.
but last night I couldn't. I just wanted to be in my own space and comfortable. we didn't even have any set plans, it just turned into a night of hanging out, and by 1 am I wanted to be sleeping. a group chat I'm part of started going off a few minutes earlier and the timing looked bad. she thought I was sneaking out to go hook up with some other person. I've never cheated on her (or any other girlfriend for 30 years), but she's been cheated on before by (almost all) other men she's dated. This feels shitty and I'm trying to be patient and understanding, but I don't know what to do here… she gets some therapy and has medication, but I think she isn't really absorbing the benefits of either. I say a lot of stupid shit that can set her off or make her feel insecure so I'm trying to be more careful, but I don't tend to have much filter, so I'm trying to… install one.