I had met a girl online and within a few days of talking we went on a date and I brought her favorite flowers and we ended up hanging out until midnight.. it was like we were magnetic.. we ended up making out before the night was over and she texted me first after she left. We were local, so we ended up going to a movie the next day. We basically ended up hanging out every single chance we had this last week.. lunch breaks, after work, whenever we could. She wanted me to factime her or call her every night. Everything was going so good.. We laughed so much and it was like she couldn’t stand to be away from me and I felt the same.
Then comes the end of the week. We have plans to go out Friday.. She even said Thursday how she missed me and couldn’t wait to see me. Friday rolls around and everything is good. We talk on the phone at my lunch break and she’s just like her normal self.
Three hours later and it’s time for us to meet. I had planned a date and was so excited. I go to text her and tell her I’m on the way to where we agreed to meet and I notice her notifications are turned off.. strange. But whatever I text and say “be there in 5 minutes” so I arrive and she’s nowhere to be seen.. I just stand there for a few mins, then I decide to call her and check on her. I called her twice. Both times it doesn’t ring it goes directly to voicemail. I don’t leave a voicemail.. but I wait another 10 mins, then I call a friend for advice and he tells me “dude just leave she’s not coming”
So I headed out. I was pretty devastated when I realized she wasn’t coming. But, maybe I handled it wrong, I didn’t text or call her anymore. I just thought she clearly doesn’t want to talk/see me, so I’ll just leave her alone and if she wants to ever talk, she knows where I’m at.
It’s been hard and confusing on me because how did she go from kissing me, meeting me daily and saying she wanted to “be together all the time” and wanting me to meet her family, to just vanishing the minute of our date and not saying anything else? She hasn’t deleted me off any socials (yet) but it’s been a few days and she hasn’t tried to say a word to me. I just wish I knew where I went wrong or anything because I’d 100% apologize and I’d love to hear her feelings.. I just don’t understand this.
15 comments
Is she alive?
Dang did she pass away? That’s so weird
This is what we call love bombing.
OP be careful of strong intensity at the beginning of dating. Its usually a massive red flag. Real connection is often slow building.
Is her phone off? Did she lose her phone?
– I just wish I knew where I went wrong or anything because I’d 100% apologize and I’d love to hear her feelings.
When you are willing to apologize for anything she says. something which might not even be objectively something to apologize for, thats just a sign of neediness and approval seeking behavior, which is a turn off for girls.
It’s a vibe that feels almost like you are saying:
_“please i’ll do whatever just don’t leave me, i beg you. I’lick your boots if necessary”_
It’s not romantic, it’s not admirable, it’s not cute, it’s not something that makes women think well of you when you start to sound like that. If anything it makes them lose any respect they have for you when you start to be preemptively apologetic just for the sake of making sure she doesn’t leave you.
The fact that you think you did something wrong simply because she seemingly lost interest, also shows you are insecure.
It’s like you want to determine whether your actions are good or wrong not on your own criteria, but what an external party declares.
That’s just self erasure, it shows you are spineless, have no backbone, have no personality, and it’s a symptom that you use this woman to fill a void in your life, rather than seeking genuine connection. Hence the desperate vibe you are portraying.
You need to start getting your shit together if you don’t want to exhaust women, and turn them off.
When she shows up again, please don’t take her back unless there is a good explanation
This has happened to me too. 11 dates in 2 weeks!! Then they started texting less and less before they eventually ended it. I fear you also met an avoidant who likes the thrill of it, then realizes they moved super fast and need time for themself… alone. It definitely sucks. But I’m telling you, it’s not you!!!!
I think you got love bombed, it hurts. Especially talking about meeting the family that early on, spending that much time together in the start, that’s a little too much. Im sorry this happened to you, you deserve better, who’s consistent, shows up, communicates and respectful of your time. It’s good you saw this early on still and didn’t waste more time.
You both are moving way to fast. Maybe she got afraid.
Kinda going through the same thing right now. Although it’s either that or just another guy 🤷♂️ chin up bro. You’ll find someone who respects you
Most times the expression “love bombed” is overused. What is far more common is one of three things:
A: the person is putting 100% in early to give it every chance to become why they hope it can be and find out quickly if it doesn’t feel right.
B: is a hopeless optimist and was intentional going overboard early so if it does work they can have a beautiful story, and if it doesn’t they can feel no guilt.
Or
C: they have trust issues and want to FaceTime every day and see you every moment you’re free to ensure there isn’t another person in the mix. This is very common now because having a “rotation” has been normalized and it’s caused low level trauma in people.
“Love-bombing” is not a real thing but an expression young people made up and older people adopted without thinking it through.
That’s not the way she should have handled the situation. If it became too much for her, she should have told you that, ‘hey, can we just slow down a beat? Maybe cut back on how often we see each other.’ What she did was actually very wrong and very hurtful.
Maybe for your own closure, I think send her a text once. Tell her you are very confused why she didn’t show up and you would like to know even if she doesn’t want to continue this. She could have adhd, maybe she hyperfocused on you that one week and then she got busy with some task and forgot there was a date she beeddd to be at and once she realised it, it was too late and now she feels too ashamed to reach out. Or she showed up late but thought you stood her up (but that’s unlikely since you did message her to let her know you were on your way)
It happens
The candles that burn the brightest often burn the fastest.