I have had pretty much no social life since I was 16. The first few years were hard. I was depressed, felt lonely everyday and often cried myself to sleep. Now I'm a 22 year old university student and I'm still as alone as I was back then but I'm used to it and I truly enjoy my day to day life. I enjoy my studies, my hobbies. Depression is gone. But sometimes it hits me that maybe I'm supposed to desire social life.
I have mixed feelings about this since I don't seem to have this desire anymore, but at the same time I know the importance of social connection. I'm happy with my life, I rarely feel lonely, but I'm trying to think logically. Shouldn't I try to form friendships now that it's probably easier as a student? Or wait to see if my desires change? But will meeting new people be more difficult then? Who do I have if someday my family is not there to help me?
I have many times promised myself that I will go to a social event but never actually do it. I don't know why. I don't feel anxious. Just unmotivated. I think to myself that I'm fine if I don't go. I can spend a nice evening reading a book by myself.
Sometimes I even wish I felt lonely. Maybe the feeling would motivate me to take action.
Maybe a small part of me still wishes for friendships since I'm tearing up writing this.