I’m 23M and lately I’ve been questioning my friendships.
In school I had a small group of close friends. Over time the group became just four of us. One friend moved away and another slowly became distant due to personal and family issues.
The third friend (let’s call her C) is someone I became extremely close with. We stayed in a hostel together and spent a lot of time talking about everything. At that time I felt like I had someone who truly understood me.
After school we went to different colleges but stayed close. During the first year we used to talk almost every day. She’s very extroverted and made many friends in her college.
Meanwhile I never really built close friendships in my college. I had people I talked to, but nothing deep. Looking back, some friendships even felt transactional. For example, one friend stopped hanging out once I moved away and couldn’t give him rides to college anymore. Others became distant when I stopped helping with assignments or lending money.
The thing that confuses me most is my friendship with C. When we talk privately she’s still a great friend and very supportive.
But in group settings I often feel ignored by her. I’ve talked to her about it before. She apologized and said it wasn’t intentional, but the behavior hasn’t really changed. Whenever I think about ending the friendship, she asks me not to and says I’m very important to her.
Now that college is over and we’re both working, we talk about once a week. I’ve realized I probably need to build new friendships instead of depending on the same people.
So I’m wondering:
Is it normal to feel like the “optional friend” in groups?
Is it still possible to build loyal friendships at 23?
How do people actually make genuine friends as adults?