I've been struggling with this for a while. Every time someone asks me for something — a favor, my time, my energy — I say yes even when I don't want to. I don't know if it's fear of disappointing people, or feeling like I'll seem selfish if I say no. But the result is that people end up using me, and I'm left feeling drained and resentful.
I think part of it comes from my upbringing. I grew up in a warm, caring family and community where everyone genuinely helped each other — it was just the culture I was raised in. And I'm grateful for that. But the side effect is that whenever I try to say no, it feels wrong, like I'm betraying something I was taught. Like saying no makes me a bad person, or goes against who I am.
The problem is that not everyone around me now has the same values. Some people just take without giving back, and I don't know how to protect myself without feeling like I'm becoming someone I'm not.
I know the theory: "just say no", "set boundaries", "your needs matter too." But knowing that hasn't changed my behavior.
For those of you who went through something similar — what actually helped you? Was it therapy? A mindset shift? A specific phrase you started using? I'm not looking for a generic tips list, I want to know what really worked in real situations.
Any advice appreciated.