I'm a 40F, and I keep having issues with dating men who date me but don't want to commit to me, but wind up committing to someone else. I've met these men primarily online. I've sought therapy, and they've not found anything inherently wrong with me that would make dating and harder than it would be for anyone else. I've never been in an LTR and frankly I'm sad about it. I'd like to let it go and not let it get to me, and just live happily single but it's not easy for me.
Recently, I met a guy who dated me for 3 months. Then when I asked how he was feeling about us, he said he felt overwhelmed, needed therapy, wasn't sure if he should look for anything serious anymore (even though he told me he was looking for a life partner upfront) but was willing to just give us space for a little while to figure it out. So I said fine, and then he ghosted me. When I asked for an explanation he wouldn't give it to me. 3 months later I had the thought of emailing him instead of texting him on the phone (presumably because he blocked me). He actually responded way later only because I reached out to him, and said:
"I’m sorry I ghosted you; That wasn’t fair. For closure, I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I didn’t feel the right connection. I got overwhelmed and shut down. I won’t be taking a call or continuing contact."
Now I find out he has a girlfriend. He posted about it pubicly on a blog post he just made. He said:
"I've been inspired by my girlfriend and her struggle with being seen. I'm inspired because she's pushed past the fear and writes publicly. She writes with such vulnerability and I think it's nothing short of beautiful."
When he was with me, he'd cancel hikes with me, and I was there for him when he was feeling low. For example, we decided to go on a hike, and I chose a place to go. He said "no I want something more nature-y." So then I suggested he pick a place. Then he said he would by the next day. Then the next day came and he said "I decided to cancel the hike. I looked up places but am just not feeling up for it." So I asked if he was ok, and he said he's depressed, and feels I put too much pressure on him to be in a relationship and he doesn't want that.
I'm done. with men. None of them want me.
Edit: one of my friends called him a "douche canoe." I felt much better upon hearing that. Ghosting is not ok. I wonder if my picker is off. like way off.