This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Anyone else get to the point where you hesitate to tell family/friends about someone you’re seeing? For me it’s either they get excited for me and then eventually ask how it’s going and I have to say “Oh, it ended…” Or the unsolicited advice realllly rolls in and it clouds my thinking
my bf’s parents and sibling/in-law are going through separate marriage troubles. my own family has had its share too but even so i struggle on how to support him. we both seek support in different ways i guess, so unlearning my own autopilot is a challenge
Was seeing this woman for 3 months and everything was actually going rather great. She doesn’t live in my same city so we only spent like three days together. But we hung out online a lot and also talked to each other over video many times a week. We also would always have stuff to talk about and conversation really did flow.
She would be very open about how she was feeling and she always told me that I checked all her boxes, everything is going great and so on. After every date, she would say stuff like I already miss you and all that. I was also finally feeling comfortable with her and forming an attachment.
Then randomly last week, I got blocked everywhere and she sent me an email saying she needs space and a day later she wants to end things š„² I’ve just been so lost by the sudden U turn and doubting everything that happened.
Has anyone here been scammed, catfished, etc. on the dating apps? Can we hear your story? Things to look out for?
Happy Saturday y’all!
Ever been in a situation where you think the person you’re on a date with isn’t feeling it but may be too nervous to end it? Or the opposite, where you’re too nervous to end it?
What do you do in that situation?
I’ve done a lot of work on not getting attached too early, and expressing my needs, especially since a very very sudden breakup early in February.
I’ve seen this great woman four times, each time has been really fun and we’re really clicking. We have both fun and deep chats, and last time we saw each other it was a lot of those moments of briefs lulls in conversation that just led to us looking at each other smiling, and pulling each other for some deep kissing. My favorite part was when without saying anything we both paused to take our glasses off so we could make out more comfortably lol.
Up to date 4 we made a plan, at least a loose one, not long after seeing each other. We didn’t do that after date 4 because she’d had a long week and needed to recuperate and figure out her schedule for the week. That uncertainty gnaws at me for reasons that are not at all her fault, and past anxious me would be texting her all weekend.
But I know she has a lot of plans and is seeing friends, so I want to give her that space. I’ll text her Monday or Tuesday and say “Hey! Just wanted to check in and see if you’d like to get together this week, because I’d really like to see you” If she can’t make it work and doesn’t suggest another time, I’ll wait to see if she follows up but if not, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
The tricky part is finding that balance of letting myself be disappointed while also realistically understanding it just wasn’t meant to be and there will be more people to meet.
Went on a second date yesterday and told him I wasnāt feeling a romantic connection. I wasnāt sure after the first date and I wanted to give it a little more time. I guess I should remember to just go with my initial impression. It doesnāt really change for me.
Itās just tough because I want to give people a fair shot. But I guess I still need a basic level of attraction to build off of.
Told two hinge matches I can’t make it to dates this week because I’m sick and they immediately unmatched lmao
I should have listened to my gut over last weekend, she was definitely right for me, but I felt like I wasted my time on the second date, I felt more like a friend to herā¦ I
I used to think people were being ridiculous when they said that one of the issues with dating lately is unrealistic expectations, but I’m starting to think they’re right. People are anxious to be in a “healthy” relationship, going down rabbit holes of relationship content creators, self-help books and pop-psychology looking for early “red flags” that barely amount to faint yellow ones. I’ve done it myself and came to the conclusion that all that stuff just fuels my overthinking fire. I want to keep it simple and do what works for me and anyone I’m involved with, not constantly scan for problems out of fear.
Itās been so long I had a crush because life has been cruel to me. I am now ready to crush on someoneā¦.anyone. I need to feel alive again!
Curious to know how people have navigated slow/blunt texting.
In person we have a great time. Last time we were together we held hands, kissed at the end of the night and she sent me a text the next day thanking me for the evening. But she is otherwise a very, very slow and sometimes blunt texter. For me it’s not so much needing to hear from her every minute, I’m fine with not, but I do feel the momentum we build seeing each other in person can drop a little between dates, especially if it’s hard to line our schedules up. She will reach out to me via text, so I’m not always initiating, it’s just very stilted sometimes. I don’t know whether to drive the conversation forward and ask questions because I do believe she likes to remain in some sort of contact, or just sort of let conversations die.
I just want to find someone else that’s financially independent from their family and/or exes and I’m starting to feel defeated.Ā
Been seeing this guy for a year, due to his unstable circumstances we ended up moving very fast despite him saying his life was too complicated for a relationship right now. We essentially ended up living together for 6 months. I had a conversation with him in January trying to see where this is all going as it has been a year and he reiterated that the situation is still the same. Its been up and down between us since then… some good times and some times where it was more distant. We agreed to pull it back, but I have still had expectations on how much we see each other etc. Not in the sense that i’m hounding him everyday, but he still stays with me 2-4 days a week.
Well he came over yesterday and said that he feels our situation is too intense, that he wasn’t expecting the issues he’s facing to be going on for so long, that he wants to take things back to where they were at the beginning and see how we feel, and move his stuff out. On the whole the conversation went ok but I was pretty emotional. I told him it feels like a break up; but to be honest its probably the right thing. He’s right on several points. I also wasn’t expecting this situation to go on for so long, to be a year in and him still be encountering the same problems and our relationship still unable to progress. I’ve actually been thinking for a while of saying to him maybe we should call this here while the going is still reasonably good, and if he is ever in a more stable position in his personal life he can see what i’m up too then. It also has felt quite intense and pressure to me as well at different points. As an FYI to anyone reading, the instability he is dealing with is not insignificant and he is right to not want a relationship right now. We just somehow ended up in a pseudo relationship anyway from spending so much time together.
I don’t know what to do now apart from just give it some space and when we speak next see if he still wants to continue seeing each other but slowed right down as he suggested and what would that even look like so I can know if its something I would be interested in. I don’t want to loose him from my life.
Iāve noticed a pattern over the last year.
I meet someone ā we get along ā good conversation, good chemistry
And then 2ā3 dates in, it comes up:
Kids. Marriage. Lifestyle. Where we want to live.
And suddenly itās likeā¦ we were never actually compatible to begin with.
Not because of personality but because of the life we want. Itās weird that dating apps let you match first and figure this out later.
Feels backwards.
How to take forward these conversations specially theĀ **little unconventional ones “no kids” for example**Ā ? I feel so odd talking about them out loud!
Part of me is likeĀ **can you just read my mind already**?
And then thereās that moment ofĀ **āokā¦ how are they going to react to this now?**ā
Curious how others handle this.
Today’s rumination on thing that didn’t work out: The sex was dumb. I am good at sex – dabbled in sex work and know exactly what makes me tick, and usually know how to help others discover it. But with this dude – looking back, it’s just so stupid-obvious that he was too brainwashed by porn and small-town hetero-man bullshit to do anything other than performative, rush-to-the-finish PIV.
He was good at making me feel good, but TBH that’s easy because I know my body so well and give good directions. But he had no idea (or refused to share) what got him off in a truly satisfying way. He often initiated, but I think he got more pleasure from the “win” after fucking me than from the fucking itself.
A month ago on here I compared the apparent fear of avoidant people to fear of [werewolves](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1qxljhc/comment/o3yxi82/?context=3), because the whole concept of attachment theory and avoidants seemed kind of silly to me.
And then in the month since then, the coworker I was in the early stages of dating gave me a “let’s just be friends,” which sucked but wasn’t a surprise. But we hung out again earlier this week as friends and afterwards while walking out to our cars I told her I’m sorry if I got a bit over eager before, and I hope I didn’t make things awkward. She replied with reassuring me it’s fine, things aren’t awkward, and also she’s sorry she got avoidant. In the moment I didn’t comment on it, just said it’s all good, see you next time, and we went out separate ways, but in my head I was just thinking “Oh shit, werewolves are real.”
I guess this is karma biting me in the ass.
Hi ladies! Is it okay to start casual conversations with you at places like Walmart? With the changing climate in dating, I no longer know what’s acceptable anymore.
Curious what yalls thoughts are on feeling like the only one whoās made any effort to suggest dates/activities. Especially as the male, it seems as if Iām the only one putting in effort to meet up and do something. Granted weāre on week 2 of the talking stage with one date that went pretty great, but still. Often my suggestions that we get together are met with a āweāll seeā response yet we talk all day long, FaceTime at night, and other things that would lead someone to believe thereās something there.
Not sure if I should just stick it out for another week, see how this weekend goes, then just call it if nothing happens. If I enjoy your company and I want to get to know you, Iām going to find a way to make it happen. I know not everyone feels the same, though.
Oh God I found out -she- is also on Reddit. I pray she never finds this sub HAHA
After a couple duds of first dates I found a profile of a guy who seems to have so much in common with me and I actually know of him from mutual events/communities in town. HOWEVER! He wants kids and I donāt know if I do š itās so tempting to match but I donāt know if thatās a good idea
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Just a quick Hinge rant. Lately I keep matching with guys who say they want to āexplore the city,ā which I loveā¦ until I ask what they actually like to do. Turns out, they donāt really go out, don’t know what they want to try, and/or are just āup for anything.ā
So basically, theyāre sitting at home waiting for someone to come show them a good time?
I donāt get it. Iām out here trying new things all the time. If I have to do it alone, that’s better than never doing it at all. I canāt understand waiting around for someone else to make life interesting.
Broke up with someone for the first time. Dated for three months and texted. I thought about a phone call or in person but a piece of me feels like a clean break is just better for both people.
Whenever Iād been broken up with in the pastā¦ I would have just preferred for them to do it via text to make it more simple.
Would love general thoughts on this.
Anyone have suggestions for getting over a previous match so that you can show up fully for a new date & assess things with the new person fairly?
Matched with a girl that felt almost perfect and who I was very into but she got scared off (I think we had too intense of a call & she had second thoughts because of how deep it got) so we didnāt make it to the first date. She was also honestly out of my league looks-wise too which is part of why I was so smitten probably.
Have since matched with someone new and have a date lined up but that previous girl is still on my mind and I find myself making subconscious comparisons between the two. Any suggestions? Iām hoping that Iāll just connect with the new girl and naturally get over the other one š
Iām curious if anyone here has lived with a man who *wants* to share household responsibilities fairly, but struggles to actually meet expectations when it comes to cleaning and organization. Not talking about guys who expect women to do everything, but those with good intentions who are justā¦ kind of bad at it.
Did it improve over time?
I’m too picky. I’m going to die alone (with a dog, and my kids).
I have a date im excited about tomorrow. We matched about 10 days ago but both have been busy so couldn’t get to the date until then.
Communication since has been good we learned a lot and have similar values and life goals. But the first date is always where things really matter so I have been more reserved leading up to it.
I’ve had a string of “no spark” dates that have me feeling a bit dejected. Its been starting to eat at my confidence a bit. Could use a win.
She checks a lot of the boxes in theory, but we definitely have a lot of differences too. But I just got my haircut, car washed, clothes cleaned and even tailored for the date. So pulling out the “premium” package for this one.
Ive had a few more likes/matches that im intrigued by, but limit myself to 3 planned dates, and have that more or less scheduled in so at capacity. So if it doesnt work out, then we carry on.
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Spring feels like the best time to jump on apps(compared to other seasons), but I donāt have the energy right now and feel like Iām maybe missing out.
What do you think? lol
Late 30s couple activity on Sunday – Planning each other a full sleeve tattoo design
I saw some good friends and their just-over-one-year-old, who toddled up to me and held out her arms for me to hold her as soon as I walked in the door. I havenāt seen them, or the baby, in months. For the rest of the evening, the tot just wanted me to hold her or to sit in my lap. Even the mom commented how much the baby likes me.
Stuff like that just warms my heart and makes my uterus ache. For as long as I can remember, Iāve wanted a husband and a family. Praying it happens sooner rather than later.
Going on a third date with a slow-burn tomorrow. We haven’t kissed yet, which I’m good with. I’ve been wanting to try to build connections before getting physical, and he has seemed down with that. He offered to pick me up tomorrow (because I’ve had to drive around a lot lately) instead of meeting me halfway between our cities like we’ve done the last two dates (we are about 2 hours apart). I thought the offer was sweet and I’m happy for another date, but I’m hoping it doesn’t signal a steep escalation in physical expectations (like him wanting to stay over or something). I’m not ready for anything like that, and it’s been my experience that many men around these here parts want to jump from kissing straight into bed, like a green light for one thing is a green light for anything.Ā
I know you’re all going to say “just talk to him about it,” and I will, I’m sure, but I’m just thinking out loud for now.Ā
Sometimes I think about the man who was my 87% compatible, and I miss feeling like I had found my place and I could stop looking and just rest with him forever. That’s how it felt, even if it’s not how things turned out.Ā
I hope I can build that feeling with someone else.