My partner and I got married this January. Right now, he’s going through an extremely stressful situation at work. It’s been taking a serious toll on his mental health (depression, anxiety), and I genuinely empathize with what he’s going through.
Because of this, I’ve taken on almost all the responsibilities at home. For weeks now, he’s been working nonstop, and I’ve been bringing him all his meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner), managing the house, and trying to be emotionally supportive.
But things have been getting really hard between us.
We’ve been fighting a lot. I’ve started feeling like I need to stay quiet and just listen to avoid conflict. On his “good” days, he tells me I’m the best partner. But on bad days, he says things like:
• “You’re giving me so much stress.”
• “I should have had a better partner.”
• “You’re not supportive.”
• “You’re dumb and not helpful.”
That’s been really painful to hear.
I also feel like my entire life is now revolving around him. For example, we recently went to a friend’s house for dinner from 7–8:30 pm. I spent about 25 minutes talking to my girlfriends, and he got very upset that I didn’t “check in” on him during that time. He said he felt terrible having me as a partner because I didn’t pay attention to how he was feeling.
For context, I’m a very social person, and he’s more introverted. But now I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, monitoring his emotions, and failing no matter what I do.
He also says I lack accountability and that I don’t support him enough, which confuses me because I feel like I’m doing everything I can—and more.
I feel emotionally exhausted, overwhelmed by expectations, and honestly, I’m starting to feel disconnected from the love I had for him.
Am I missing something here? How do I support someone going through a hard time without losing myself in the process?