Hi everyone!
tldr; I got involved in a problematic friendship that I need to distance myself from.
Going to call him "Chris" … For context, we met at work after he transferred to my office.
Chris constantly complains to me about his life and various people in it, yet when I have the slightest issue with someone else and I tell him about it, he has jumped to invalidating me and questioning my experiences with people and has called me "dramatic" for doing so. He is 100% aware of his own complaining because he has joked about it. I didn't laugh. Outside of this stuff, I have genuinely enjoyed other interactions I have had with Chris but it's a bit like a rollercoaster with a very long incline and a steep slope … things will be relatively good for like a month and a half or so and then one interaction I have with him will sour things. He does complain about the same people every time we hang out though.
Just to give an example, Chris has complained endlessly about a former colleague of his over the last few years that I have known him (an unhealthy situation that he can't let go of). However, when I brought up a situation about a current colleague of ours who has a history of being problematic to multiple people in the office long before Chris transferred, Chris flipped the switch and accused me of trying to influence his opinion about them (I was literally just sharing an experience). Chris recently had a series of bad experiences with that same person and now I think he understands but no acknowledgement was ever made. Chris just acts like that old conversation never happened and he goes through cycles of randomly defending them for no reason and then hating on them when it's convenient for him. He also, in general, has trouble apologizing.
I've noticed other friends of mine doing this "switch flipping" behavior (both current and former) and some of them do it more dismissively than others … this has been a more recent pattern but I can't put a name on what this behavior might be. I feel like understanding the possible reasons or intent behind it might help me avoid it in the future.
Is this the result of poor communication? Gaslighting? Manipulation? Invalidation? Projection?
Thanks so much!