We currently live beside where my family live (in my grandfathers old house) with our child of 3 months. We have been together for a couple of years, where before there was no problem with her living here, now it has become a real issue. After having our child, she has went on relentlessly about moving to where she is from, however, I cannot imagine anything worse. We have to go to her house every weekend, and when we are down there are in excess of 10 people in the house to see our child, which she can’t see the issue with.
Whenever she said about moving down, I said no straight away, given that we spent a year and a half decorating and doing up the house we are in, and because we get it cheaper given that my father and uncles are the owners. On top of this, I play a sport for a local team who are very successful, and I want to continue to play for them as it is not something that I am likely to get twice in my life, not to mention that I want my child to be able to have the option to play for them, receiving the best training and treatment, while also learning great life lessons which take a lot of children away from a life of degeneracy and help them focus their lives on sports instead. The sports club where she is from is not a good one, and struggles for numbers. It is also in a rural area, which always seems to lead to drugs/drinking in the country where I am from, presumably from lack of things to do.
Before she gave birth, she had no problem living up with me, and we had discussed if we would ever move down to where she is from, which I had said I was open to at the time, but not sure I could do it long term. Now, she brings it up every argument over moving down to hers, however, she also said that she would live up with me as long as we moved a bit further from my parents(15 mins away)
She says she wants our child to grow up around family, however, I do not like the values a lot of her family hold, and I don’t want him to be like them. She wants her old babysitter to take care of him and her mother, for her father to have more time with him(which is where she gets her bad traits from), not to mention countless other far out family members whom she wants him to grow up around.
We had spoken a couple of weeks ago about how important I thought it was for him to grow up around a good sports team and have good schools amongst other things, and she agreed that it gave him a great thing to strive towards etc. But yesterday she threatened that if we didn’t move down to hers she would split up with me. During the conversation, I reluctantly suggested that if she gave me 5 more years of playing for my football team, we could buy a house down her way for the rest of our lives, however, I now feel sick to my stomach, as if I have the biggest class test of my life coming up, as I cannot imagine anything worse than moving down to hers and giving up my sport which is such a big thing for me, not to mention taking my child away from a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At the moment, I really support her with our child. I work from home, so we take the night duty night about, and I take him down the stairs with me until I start my first meeting at 11 every morning, then I’ll take him back after that. I don’t make her get up until she wants to and take him until she does. 2x a week I train in the evenings, then another 2x a week I go to the gym on my lunch break, however, even with me taking him and working at the same time, she argues she doesn’t feel supported and needs her family. To counter this I suggested we use my mother more. The problem is that she hates my mother, who I had told her countless stories about how bad she was after having children with PPD, becoming a raging narcissist, however, she went to therapy and has mellowed so much over the years, not being anywhere close to as bad as she was now, however, because of the stories I told my girlfriend about her years ago, she thinks my mother will be just as impatient and rude to our child, which is not the case as she looks after my siblings child a lot.
How can we come to an agreement?