I need some real advice from guys who have been through this phase of live. You are completely allowed to be harsh or scold me if you feel that is necessary.
For a quick summary. I am a 20 year old guy from Nepal, currently about half way through my Bachelors in computer Engineering. I don't remember the last time I had a father-son conversation with my dad. He is a decent man but has a problem with drinking. Nowadays he comes home drunk every single night and goes straight to bed without even having his dinner or speaking a word with me. This has been going on for so long now that I don't even feel anything towards him, He simply exists for me. So expecting any fatherly advice from him is completely hopeless.
The career thing is also not going as expected. I mean, I never wanted to join engineering as a child. I wanted to be a Doctor ever since I was in high school. I even studied and gave my medical entrance exam. I also gave the engineering entrance as I had filled up the forms as a joke and also to give company to my roommate back then who what somewhat serious about this engineering thing. Turns out I got way better marks than him. Funny enough, I got a better rank in engineering exam then my medical one. So now I am in a not so reputed collage, studying something I was never interested in the first place. I am just assuming this is Gods Plan, but I maybe being delusional and just trying to cope with life.
I would say I am pretty above average in studies. I am definitely more active then most my colleagues. I go to extra curricular events quite frequently and also am studying most of the time. I agree that I do doom scroll more than I should sometimes, but little dopamine boost feels really nice especially with all the stuff going on.
I am straight up afraid to open platforms like LinkedIn cause I see my friend and collages doing stuff like applying to internships, visiting various seminars, participating and winning events and Hackathons and it really make me more fogged and hopeless. I am probably wrong for feeling this way about others but cant help it. May be if something good was going on with my life as well, I would learn to appreciate others achievements as well.
Well that sums up my current life. I am also at a age now where I have to start thinking about earning something. So that adds another one to my longggggg list of things to worry about list. Sometime, I just wish I could just sleep forever and just not care about all these bs. I do hope things get better but in the mean time some advice form someone who has been through similar time would really make me understand what I must do next and maybe make my mind a bit more clearer.