It’s a different type of grieving when you’re grieving not being someone’s ’pretty baby’ anymore rather than the person themself.
I know we wouldn’t have worked out. I’ve made peace with it and give that peace to my ex.
But the moments that were good remind me how much I love loving and being in love.
The laughs decorated in blush, the slow compliments that were heavy with admiration and devotion, the feeling of being a team and knowing (or I thought I knew) that we had each others back in multiple layers (lover, friend, person).
I miss calling someone baby in a soft voice, looking forward to texts, ranting like we’re already a married couple invested in each other’s lives, etc.
I miss the kisses and thrills.
I miss knowing that I had that love even though I am still living in all the other fields especially my support system and self.
But late at night I remember how nice it was to wake up in someone’s arms and the loving look at my drool and messy hair. I miss it all.
Time is my most precious possession. I’m a workaholic now and so restless I only sleep medicated. I do as many side quests I can in the day and make sure everyday I can feel fulfilled.
But one day I hope I can say, “We’ll take our time” and relax once again into love’s warm dance.
Where I’m okay with the slow or casual dates of just running errands or staying in bed cuddling. Where I don’t grieve over time and instead watch as my lover breathes next to me and feel at ease. Where we both know the real meaning behind “We’ll take our time” holds for me.
I miss you, love. But I’ll build myself back up to remind you, I won’t be far.