This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Been seeing someone for about 2 months now. We see each other about once a week. I noticed they recently overhauled their profile. In person everything is good, but now I’m spiraling because they just changed it this morning. I’m seeing them tonight, and now I’m in my head.
I recently encountered a dating profile (on a mainstream app) that includes the phrase: ‘GGG, left side of slash.’ I am looking for some clarity on how this is understood within the community.
Is ‘left side of slash’ an idiom that can mean ‘traditional leader’ or ‘provider’ in a vanilla relationship, or is it exclusively shorthand for a Dominant/Top in a BDSM/D/s power dynamic?
How common is it to see this terminology combined with ‘Christian,’ ‘Long-term relationship,’ and ‘wholesome’ interests in the same bio?
I’ve had a conversation with the person about it, and they claimed it simply meant they ‘like to take the lead’ and that it wasn’t intended as a BDSM signal. I’m trying to determine if I’m misunderstanding the jargon, or if this is an intentional use of subculture language in a mainstream dating pool. Any insight from those familiar with these terms would be appreciated.
Would you date someone who just moved to a new area and, because of that, has no friends yet? I’ve seen some people say they won’t date someone who has no friends, but long-distance friends feels about the same.
Ughhh. After second date, I see this going down the same path that it always does for me: I generally see the good in everyone and am able to make good conversation with almost everyone and be interested in almost everyone’s stories, and feel some level of affection for most people, so I *cannot* tell if I am interested in them romantically or not.
Everyone, as usual, is all “don’t be picky/don’t judge/give him a chance/keep going on dates” and he did ask for another date, so, I will.
And who knows! He is easy to talk to and doing all the right things dating wise (paying for stuff, planning thoughtful dates, walking me to my car etc) so like, maybe this IS what it’s supposed to feel like!
The problem is, I get myself into situations where for example, it will take *months* before something pops up that finally is a clear line in the sand and gives me clarity that I’m not into them. Legit months. (The main situation this happened in was a long distance thing where we were only having phone calls so there wasn’t a lot of clarity in terms of physical attraction, flirting etc. and it went on for ages, partly bc people kept telling me to “see where it goes”.)
On the other hand, the times that I have had a real crush on someone and really was into them, like not having to question it, wanting to make out with them, getting giddy when they text – they’ve *never* been interested back. In fact they treat me kind of badly.
So of course, I get the whole spiel of, you’re attracted to unavailable people, you’re running away from good/healthy people, you need to give those people *more of a chance*.
And in terms of attraction, like, could I kiss him? Sure. I’d be fine with it if he kissed me. I also don’t feel any pull to kiss him or be close to him. I can kind of “make” myself feel that way, like I can get myself into a mindset of being more flirty and touchy if I choose to turn that on in myself but I know how it feels when I have a crush and I don’t have to “try” in that way. (But then, crushes are bad? Idk!!)
I HATE where I’m at with all of this. I feel like because of my patterns/history I literally cannot trust my gut or emotions on anything. And when it comes to dating, if you can’t trust your gut or emotions then what exactly are you supposed to trust?
Ugh, maybe I’ll make a main page post about this because I feel like i desperately need help.
I hate to say this but I am never going to date a recently divorced guy again.
He asked me on a date and kept pursuing me yet he kept revealing more and more that he got divorced less than a year ago. Extremely hot and cold. Would not bring me around friends or family. Just wouldn’t seem to allow himself to really “care”.
The early stages of dating seemed to go on and on, but anytime a relationship type thing came up it didn’t seem right.
The last straw was he took me to the ER (I begged him as I couldn’t walk). He left me there after 5 mins in a wheelchair. I was admitted for 4 days and had to get emergency surgery. He didn’t visit or call after just sent me a photo of a cocktail menu saying he was out for someone’s birthday.
I finally days later called him out on the phone. Silence was the only response. I said I think I should move on, again silence and nothing since. I feel so angry; like I haven’t gone through shit it my past. He “bogarted” relationship grief in some weird way. Just because my breakup was only with a boyfriend I guess that’s meaningless since I wasn’t married.
TLDR don’t waste your time with a recently divorced guy as “nice” as he seems at first.
went to a speed dating event the other night, it felt nice to just have low stakes conversations. Something I’m realizing is everyone keeps asking about travel and I…. don’t really enjoy it? I like to go to the beach for a week in the summer, day trips to NYC here and there, but I’m not someone who is itching to go to Bangkok and ride motorcycles on a whim. I like my routine, work, hobbies, friends, social circle, and don’t have this constant desire to travel the world (and it’s not even a financial thing!) – is that gonna be a dealbreaker for my dating life?
So last night I went to a second date with this girl, everything went well, lots of fun, started talking about deeper stuff, physical touches, she laughed, I laughed. We spent hours together doing different activities and talked. Ended the night with a hug and decided to meet each other again. I was half teasing her that no pressure to continue and ask her again about seeing each other and she confirms it. She got home, sent me message to confirm that she got home safely.
Today we exchanged a couple of messages to start the day. Later on I asked her about her day and she replied with a message that she’ve been thinking today that we had fun, easy to talk but she doesnt feel it’s possible to have the relationship. Confusing but I thanks her for telling me and it was nice seeing her. Just like that and the number game is still counting.
Running a 10k tomorrow and a guy I’ve had three lovely dates with wants to come and watch and also offered to drive me so I don’t have to cycle there. I am so pleasantly surprised by this level of effort when we haven’t even slept together. 😁
Discouraged with the apps lately. No one nearby really feels like my vibe, so I’ve expanded my distance filters pretty far. The closest major city to me is Boston.
Would it be shitty to set my location there instead?
Honestly, it kind of sucks being a city girl stuck in a boring place sometimes. My thinking is that if people were open to dating someone farther away, they’d probably already have their filters set that way. At the same time, that’s actually how I met my ex. I told him early on that I didn’t live in Boston and that I understood if it was a dealbreaker, but he didn’t mind.
To be clear, if I did set my location there I’d either mention it in my profile or clarify it right away when matching. Just curious what people think.
He finally sent the break up text message. Like if I am all these nice things, then why can’t I find someone who treats me in a nice way?
A follow up on my last daily sticky! Wednesday’s date went unbelievably well. Better than I could have even hoped. We’re still texting daily and planning to meet next week.
We’ve covered so many both fun and serious topics very quickly and are compatible on all of my dealbreakers.
I’m now facing the issue that I feel like I am (or possibly both of us are) 1) rushing this and 2) setting expectations really high over the potential it has, as well as that 3) we might both be love-bombing each other at least a little bit? Has anyone experienced this mutual sort of feeling and how did it go? How do you manage future expectations/hopes better? I already made the mistake of mentioning a concert 5 weeks away (the seat next to me is still available for sale) after matching barely 2 weeks ago.
[Last Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/2n7FzwcEZt)
When you know someone values your presence in their life, but doesn’t want to be with you… The rejection just reverberates through your soul, doesn’t it?
I matched with someone who has Christian in the profile and includes church in their “typical sunday” prompt
Now I’m not a religious person and can deal with someone having religious beliefs when I do not. However, should I ask if it’s a dealbreaker before I plan anything with them? They did agree to meetup in person sometime but I wonder if it would be a good idea to address this right now
Edit: my profile does say I’m agnostic
Idk if this is the right place but it’s on my mind and I’m dating over thirty so 🤷🏾♂️😂
Something that I’m trying to do (and this may be a “no duh” thing) is date with intention. Last fall I joined the dating apps and for like a month straight I was just blindly swiping on any profile I found even remotely attractive, mostly because I kept hearing how hard it was for guys to get a match. But once I started talking to some people, I realized that I really didn’t know what I wanted from a relationship or even if I wanted to be in one, so I deleted my profiles and went to therapy instead lol.
I guess the point of this is to say I want to start dating for a reason. Like I want that urge to be someone’s boyfriend, to look for a partner or even just a relationship. I don’t really want to date for the sake of “getting out there” or to hook up. I just can’t tell if this is me being mature or if this is all fear talking and really I’m just avoiding dating.
Got canceled on yesterday for date 6, he insisted he wanted to reschedule, now it’s been a day and a half of radio silence. Things had been going well but there has been scheduling clunkiness on his end and I think I’ve extended the benefit of the doubt as far as I can. Ugh. So many green flags and good feelings but I can’t do flakiness and I feel strung along at this point. Wonder if he’ll have the audacity to pretend he’s been that busy or just disappear now that an awkward amount of time has passed. On our last date he said he wanted to find a way for us to spend more time together. I wonder if he’s still looking for a way 😂. Hope I’m wrong but I know that if I’m spending time in this sub trying to make myself feel better I’m usually not. Time for a break, I think!
Is there anything better than getting home from a great date, talking about seeing each other again, and getting a “would love to see you” text? I’m fully giddy right now!
I matched with a girl the other day, that I would describe based on her profile, exactly the type of woman I want to meet. Fits my type, attractive, has the qualities and goals i want, etc.
We moved to scheduling a first date very quickly, which she liked. But scheduling wasn’t easy and so our date is over a week away. I also have 2 other dates before that pre-scheduled.
We have been texting a fair amount, and I really like how thoughtful she is in text, its clear there are a lot of green flags on both sides so far.
That being said, I am wary because in every case I connected well with someone before a first date, the first date bombed due to high expectations.
I am tempted to try and slow the texting phase down, to prevent building up expectations on both our parts before meeting. But she also did confess that she feels a bit insecure if communication is inconsistent.
What’s a good course of action here?
Saturday Night Question: When the woman you are following around the venue says, “Stop following me!” what should you do?
A. Leave her alone
B. Apologize and say you weren’t following her and you only wanted to talk to her (so admitting you were following her?)
C. Approach her again an hour later and again say you weren’t following her, then attempt to start a conversation even though ‘Stop following me!” was her very clear indicator to leave her alone
D. Both B & C
SMH.
I used to check this thread a lot but stopped for about a year – now I’m back. I’m just gonna vent.
Online dating has been nothing but a humiliation ritual which has caused me extreme emotional pain and distress. I am an conventionally attractive, educated, 31F etc, the dance usually goes like this: I get love bombed for about 2-3 months and then they flip and become cold, and sometimes even mean. I’ve become extremely guarded at this point and tbh I’ve probably become an avoidant myself – I expect nothing and am ready to jump ship at the first sign of coldness/ghosting.
After going through the OLD trenches when I was 27-29, I met a guy who seemed great (at first) and it ended up being an abusive relationship. He’s a demon on earth, an evil energy, whatever you wanna call it. I left him after a year, but it took a huge toll on me. Then when I finally tried to date again I ended up in the lovebombing-discard cycle with 3 more men, until I gave up entirely and quit OLD, quit dating, and haven’t even been on a date or kissed anyone in over 7 months.
I feel sad that this is my reality, I have so much love to give, and it always gets taken for granted and seen as a weakness. Dating had broken me like nothing else has. I’m just so sad for myself, for my dating life, for my heart, for my inner child. I had very good relationships in my early 20’s and experienced real, healthy connection and romantic love. Why have my late 20’s and 30’s been so fucking traumatic?
Thanks for reading, I hope everyone is having a better time <3
At the end of last year I was pretty depressed, i was almost a year out from a break up and I had quit pretty much all my vices (weed, occasional drinking, social media). Never felt more alone in my life. Very apathetic, nihilistic times.
My ny resolution was to solve that issue without a woman. Started playing pool at a pool hall 3x a week, joined a mixed social soccer club, I’ve always played on a trivia team but hey i do that to. Rest of my free time I’ve been really, deep studying John Lennons guitar parts in all the white album – you can tell he was heavily influenced by India…and indica.
Started dating again super recently, or at least putting feelers out there. Turns out most of my weekends are booked seeing friends, as are my weeknights. And at the moment im not ready to drop all my plans just for a date – I have a history of putting women/relationships on the pedestal, never a good thing for anyone involved.
Anyway, feels good. For the first time in a very long time I feel like a complete person. Dating feels optional and at the moment its competing with other fun optional things.
It was so nice being next to someone I feel so attracted and comfortable with. Also, was the man who was the sweetest physically with all the little kisses hugging me throughout the night.
I miss so much being in that moment and feeling so good and in peace.
Why it just never works…
Now I am just remembering my exes. They all left me. Like all of them. Two of those four exes while breaking up said I am the best thing that happened in their life and they will probably regret their decision for the rest of their lives. Why two of them said it, I guess it’s just a standard phrase everyone says while breaking up.
I just wanted to say I’m out of a 10 month relationship and I just don’t understand how somebody can give you the most beautiful Christmas cards saying that you’re the gift they’ve always wanted and it went on and on in detail and yet here we are broken up as of January 24th. Worse yet through the process of the break up, we had our differences and our disagreements and ended on a bad no and here I am stuck with this emotional baggage feeling sad that it ended so badly. We were very close chatted every day talked every day. He called me his best friend and then I guess he just had a change of mind, but as I said, it really stinks when you can’t reach out to somebody and he blocked me not because I was pestering him but because that’s his way of going no contact I’m sure I just wish you would reach out and say hi and just show me some form of concern or consideration for me as a human that’s what is tougher about dating once they’re gone they’re gone forever it seems.
At this point, if it’s not *him*, it’s not *anyone*
I had my first kiss on my first date in 2 years.
When we were parting ways, he hugged me and then asked if he could kiss me and it was very…stimulating? Instantly one hand in my hair, other hand groping me. I felt like his mouth was too big for mine? I was having a hard time navigating the experience cuz I felt like our teeth were knocking against one another. Is the teeth normal?
He then pulled away, hugged me and told I’m in a good kisser. I was so flabbergasted he said that I squeaked out he was too. Then he patted my back and told me to text him when I get home.
I’m going to tell him to slow down next time because I think we can have a much better experience. But is that just things men say even when the experience was ok?
32 nb Update!
Spent the day in an Emotional Hangover after a night of nightmares 🙁 prompted by my very sweet bf asking about my Traumatic Childhood. Which I wanted to tell him about, and did. But I didn’t realize the toll it would take on me—I have done sooooo much work in therapy etc around it that I can usually speak freely about it. But the added vulnerability of sharing w a romantic partner was a lot, I think.
Also feeling sad because we talked about kids again. At the beginning of the conversation (and the other times we’d talked about it) bf was 80/20 on not having vs having kids, whereas I feel more 50/50. I asked more questions and said, « it sounds like you just don’t want kids. You should own that! » and it was like a lightbulb went off for him. He thanked me for saying that, and for giving him the space to say and feel that he doesn’t want kids, though he loves kids and being an uncle. We hung out with his friends’ kids last night and he is amazing with them (we both were, I think).
Unfortunately, someone definitively Not wanting kids has been a screening/dealbreaker for me. I feel like I want the Option to have a bio kid if possible, and would like to foster teenagers when I’m in my 50s/60s whether I am partnered or not. But I also do love playing the zany uncle role, introducing kids to things their parents might not have the time or bandwidth to.
I have prayed on this all day, and the message I got in prayer/meditation was « wait and see what happens, take no action, you and this person are good for each other in ways you cannot see yet. »
Sooooo yeah I dunnno, feeling a lot, but glad I had the day to myself to process (which included hiking and recording a song). Putting it in ~god’s hands~ and am not making any decisions now. Wish me clarity please ❣️🎠