I’m originally from overseas and I’m still learning about British culture, so I’d really appreciate some honest opinions.

My baby is due next week. My husband is white British, and I’ve noticed that his parents haven’t bought anything for the baby. Is this normal in the UK?

I know that gifts aren’t something the receiving side should expect, and honestly it’s not that I need them to give us anything. But I do know that they’ve given various presents to my husband’s brother’s children.

Another thing that confuses me a bit is when we go out to eat with them, we always end up paying for their meals as well. It’s partly my husband’s fault because he tends to say “We'll pay,” but they usually just accept it like “oh, okay” without really offering or saying much thanks. So overall the situation just feels a bit strange to me.

They are not struggling financially. They go on luxury holidays abroad several times and spend quite a lot on clothes and other things, so it’s not a matter of money.

Since I’m not from the UK, I’m wondering if this is just a cultural difference or if this situation is unusual.


33 comments

  2. > My baby is due next week. My husband is white British, and I’ve noticed that his parents haven’t bought anything for the baby. Is this normal in the UK?

    Some people think it is unlucky until the baby has arrived.

  3. From my experience (it may differ between regions) parents usually buy gifts when the baby is born and bring them on their first visit. I know baby showers have caught on here, and gender reveals so I’m not sure what happens at those.

    When it comes to paying for meals, I’d say this is probably also a British thing, if I go out with parents we usually pay because I feel I should given they put up with a lot bringing me up 😂

    Although my Mother is a pain for chasing me to the till and slapping her card on the machine before I can.

    Given everything though, it’s possible they’re like that if they have money. I sometimes find the wealthier people are, the tighter they want to hold onto their money. I’ve found the most generous people are usually those with little to give.

  5. Lots of people may wait until the baby is born. Some people may consider it ‘bad luck’ to buy things before the birth . The whole American idea of a ‘baby shower’ is considered extremely poor taste for many older generations or religious people

  6. Depends entirely on the family dynamic. Every family has their own version of normal, but certainly theres nothing in the wider uk culture that would discourage a grandparents getting gifts for a new grandchild.

  8. For the gifts, it would be unusual for them not to get something. However, it can also be viewed as bad luck to give a gift prior to the birth of the baby. Maybe they will give something when the baby arrives.

  9. Im 43 and my grandparents still try to give me money every time I go and see them.

  10. They may buy something for the baby when it arrives. Some people are superstitious about not buying things for a baby beforehand.

    Best wishes to you all, enjoy your baby, and believe me, they *do* grow up so quickly!

  11. Some people consider it bad luck to buy something before the baby is born.. I’m not saying that is the reason why, but I do know people that think like that..

  12. My nanas both always bought me things! And my mum and late nana used to be that annoying table where they’d battle to pay for meals. If my mum ever won she’d normally find money later on shoved in her cost or handbag by my nana 😂 I miss that lady so much.

  15. Buying gifts – normally that would be after the baby is born so it’s not odd at all they have not bought anything yet. My in laws hadn’t either and now I am begging them to stop buying useless gifts. To the point that sometimes I find UK grandparent culture a bit toxic. Spoiling the grandkids without any care for consequences is something I do not tolerate. My in laws are very disappointed about that… and yes happy to be downvoted about this 🙂

    But never buying you a meal while being in the financial position to do so is a bit odd. We do actually buy ALL of my in laws meals but we are in a better financial position than them.

  16. It’s not normal. I say this having a strange father who also refuses to buy gifts for my kids.

    My mum on the other hand spoils them massively

  17. Usually in most cases buying early is bad luck
    Personally I do not buy until baby born and generally give money to my children to buy what’s needed prevents same item twice.
    They may give cash gift or presents when baby arrives.
    To answer question no it’s not normal here but you are a bit quick considering they have bought for their other grandchildren and don’t imagine they would not buy for your baby

  18. Lots of people think its unlucky before eh child is born.

    If they dont get anything soon after the birth tho they’re probably just selfish pricks

  19. All the gifts for my daughter were given after she was born. Baby showers aren’t as popular over here like in other countries.

  20. Most people wait until the baby is born to give you presents for the baby.

    >partly my husband’s fault because he tends to say “We’ll pay,”

    How is this ‘partly’ your Husband’s fault? He’s offered to pay, it would be very poor taste for them to get into an argument about it.

  21. It’s not uncommon for grandparents to buy or pay towards a cot/stroller/car seat/ other bits and pieces before baby is born.

    That said my own parents didn’t give anything to my niece and nephew until they were born.

    It’s less about British culture and more about family culture.

  23. 1. Lots of people wait until the baby is born
    2. Some people think it “jinxes” (bad luck) things if you buy too early
    3. Some people like to wait until the baptism to bring presents.
    4. If you have a baby shower, they may bring gifts then. (Older Brits don’t really like baby showers as too American!)
    5. They may/should discuss with you what you would like from them, i.e., most in-laws contribute to the “big” items like the cot, a comfortable nursing chair, pushchair/stroller, car seat or something costly.
    6. Paying for the bill when eating out should be discussed with your husband, not on Reddit. He may consider he is “paying back” his parents, e.g. if they supported him through university, etc. It’s his choice, don’t fight him on that generosity.

  24. I have never bought anything as a gift for an unborn baby, that comes after the baby is born. You do need to ask your generous husband to stop offering to pay for everything though, my SIL would expect my husband to pay and he did for years, and she took the piss more and more, extra starters, aperitifs, drink after drink. Until we went to celebrate my daughters first paycheck. SIL *suggested* we split the bill, daughter said no, this is my first money and it’s not a lot so I’m paying for what I had, as she had only had one main and one drink. I immediately joined in saying what a good idea and we too settled our bill too. No joke, she was weeping at the size of her bill and i just said ok well bye, leave that with you! Best day, ty daughter!!

  25. Some people think buying things before the baby arrives is unlucky. Not just baby clothes but also the pram. It’s not unusual for people to wait until the baby arrives because buying things before can be seen as ‘tempting fate.’ My gran didn’t buy any of my babies’ clothes until they were born and home from the hospital. I know plenty of people who had the same experience.

  26. Superstition. My mother in law blamed my son catching meningitis shortly after birth on me buying a pram before he was born. Obviously. Nothing to do with a virus.

    This was before the Meningitis jabs were around.

  27. Their grandchild hasn’t been born yet. They will bring gift(s) when they come to meet baby.

    Your husband keeps offering to pay, this is on him.

  28. Friend of mine had her babies in the 80s, the shop she bought her pram from literally wouldn’t let her take it home before the baby was born. For some people, it’s a strong superstition, buying things before the baby is safely delivered is seen as tempting fate in case of something going wrong. It seems to be fading for younger people though as the American baby shower has made its way over here.

    Ask your husband what they did for his brother, that will tell you a lot. Favouritism is real and I wish we’d put our foot down about it at an earlier stage when we experienced it in our family. Keep a wary eye out for now.

  29. People in general wait until the baby is born – it’s seen as bad luck to give baby related gifts beforehand. Even for my friends who have been pregnant – I’ve only ever gifted them chocolates or flowers when I’ve visited them while they’re pregnant and waited until the baby is born to gift toys or baby clothes etc

  30. I suspect they will give a gift after baby is born
    Its considered bad luck/poor taste to gift prior to baby being born. I think that’s what bothers me most about baby showers.
    Have you spoken to your husband about this.

  31. I wouldn’t buy a gift for a baby until it is born. I usually buy a gift for the parent too. I have declined past invites to baby showers as I find them a bit weird and performative.

    In terms of not paying for a meal, if I had an adult child who offered to pay, I would totally let them, but not every time. Every now and again yeah. Other times I would pay for them. Think its just nice to accept a meal being paid for, but also nice to offer it back.

  32. My Mum is 66 and her generation believe it is bad luck to buy anything for the baby before it comes home safely stemming from higher infant and maternal mortality rates in the old days. It is also pointless buying clothes before you know how big the baby is.. tiny baby clothes are useless for a 10lb bruiser and vice versa. The American thing of baby showers is more common now but before that you didn’t buy any gifts before it was born.

  33. In my experience for a first baby grandparents will often buy a big item like pram/cot/carseat if they have the ability.

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