This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Dated on and all off last year with mutual expectations matching (relationship, marriage). I say on and off because it was tumultuous, said he was too busy to see me, bailed on plans sometimes without a heads up. I remained super patient overall but when Christmas came I had to know where we were headed. I went over to see him. Avoidant to the core. Said he changed his mind, didn’t want marriage, and even rolled his eyes at me while I was saying this could have been a phone call… I ended it and blocked him.
Mercury retrograde rolls around and I get the feeling he’s going to reach out. I unblock just to see if my intuition is right. Days later, he wants to talk 🤣 we talk, motivation abound, introspection executed, recognizes his avoidant tendencies, he’s all in if I am. Okay.
All of that to say, he’s the same of course. Reneged on plans to meet. I knew he would. I silenced my phone that night on purpose and all he did was tech out to ask how I am.
I tell him the above, in detail what he did, again. I tell him he can’t meet my needs. I’m not the woman for him. He needs to go out and find others and date. He apologizes, wants to try again next week. I agree just to get him off my back.
Would you ghost in this situation? I want to block and move on but honestly I feel shitty about it. Someone tell me it’s okay to do so.
Possibly odd question, but I’m just ruminating and wondering about people’s opinions.
Went for a great dinner date the other date, kissed afterwards. Going out for a walk next week during the day which we’ve done before. To me the vibe is different on a daytime walk, slightly lower key, but I’m not sure how people feel about kissing again here, or if in the early stages you’re more comfortable with it only when the atmosphere is more datey/evening time etc.
I can’t really phrase what I’m going for here, hopefully it makes sense.
Are there fake profiles on the dating sites? 2nd time now I have been matched by the same person who does not reply back. The second time I was pretty informal and just basically said a “hey, how are you” but no response. If not a bot, why do people do that?
My fourth date with the hinge guy is tonight and I’m so excited! We’ve been texting every day since we last saw each other (Sunday) and he’s been so direct and clear in his interest which is a huge difference from most of my recent dating experiences. We seem aligned in what we’re looking for, we have a ton in common (hobbies and interests, but also similar values) and the attraction is definitely there 🙂
Sorry I’ll be here just spiraling for the next couple days or so as I anticipate seeing my therapist post breakup.
My ex left me and my heart is broken. My self confidence is out the window. Lonely but no real desire to meet anyone else right now. Our last argument was awful but our last logistical conversation was short and polite. That short moment made me really miss him. I’m longing to be comforted by him. I just want a moment where he holds me again and we don’t say a word.
I’m talking to three women at the moment (have a third date with one, scheduling first dates with the other two) and this is fun but I feel like I’m fully at capacity…how do people juggle more than this at once?!
Was supposed to meet my fbuddy tonight but he texted this morning saying he has met someone and has a crush so he’s not coming hut meeting her. I didn’t feel anything for him all, he even irritated me a little (different political views and interests) bit I still feel a bit shitty. I think I like having someone even just for sex. Also noticed that the bar is so low that I was glad he texted me to tell me so frankly. I am glad I got rejected lol « dating » is hell .
Yesterday, my boyfriend was talking about one of his daughters and her spitfire personality, and just casually said aside “you’ll see when you meet her” and continued the story. This after casually throwing out a sentence that started “when I meet your dad…” while doing nothing in particular a week ago, it’s safe to say, I am really really happy in this relationship 😊😊
This weekend is for biking and baking. In that order. Getting back out on the bike has been bliss!!
As for what to bake. Either brownies, cookies, or scones. All good things that you can eat straight out of the oven for extra deliciousness!
Even at the risk of torching your whole mouth.
Shout out to fellow bakers, and hope everyone has a great weekend!!
How do we feel about profiles where all pictures are up close headshots? Feels like they’re either hiding their body or extremely lazy to me.
I’m a 42M and it seems like so many women’s profiles are like this across the age spectrum. Some people seem interesting, but it takes a lot of energy to meet up so I’m more and more filtering these people out.
Hinge is only showing me really really crap profiles atm. If I stop swiping for a while and come back will it show me good ones again?
Wild day at work. One of my clients asked me if she could set me up for a date with her friend’s daughter (31F). I was so taken aback that I could barely muster the question ‘can I please think about this?”
I’m actually not opposed to meeting someone new but man that’s a load to drop on my second week at my new job, haha.
I also learned that one of my colleagues has an arranged marriage, which is super rare in my country. It was interesting to hear her perspective on it and how it actually helped her find lasting love.
Had a great third date with a ridiculously good-looking guy who, more importantly, has been really kind and respectful so far. He is not my usual type in terms of background/career, but we have a surprising amount of things in common. Cautiously optimistic as 2026 has not been going very well dating-wise.
“Thanks for all the healing time together. I hope we both recovered from some broken heart. I know we both related to that experience. I am grateful for such empathy and should you ever be in need you’ll always find me a friend.”
An unsent message I felt the need to right after being broken up with yesterday. Before meeting, we were both single for over a year after experiencing significant heart break/betrayal and we were both gunshy about taking the leap of faith to initiating a partnership. I thought we had a good balance of things in common and differences, but it was a rough 6 months of federal layoffs and new jobs and such. I wish timing was different, I would’ve been more confident. But I get what she means by some lacking compatibility and future of a longterm relationship during this time. The loss of such potential hurts but a very mature/healthy breakup conversation. The one that got away.
PSA: Don’t date someone with a make/model/color car that is EVERYWHERE!
My 2 week situationship burned bright and then combusted and now I see his car everywhere😅
White Toyota 4Runner ☠️.. and I live in Colorado where everyone needs an outdoorsy car because “we all hike everyday”!!
It’s like a ping to my nervous system everytime I spot one. Drove 15 minutes yesterday and counted 8 of them. I will now only accept dates once I know your car model lol.
Went on a first date last night even though I was very not in the mood for it and almost canceled. He was cool, cute and fun and we had some great conversations. But we are polar opposite schedules and I get the feeling he’s a bit of a burn out (common in my city, especially men lol). It doesn’t seem like he’s looking for anything serious… I could see maybe having a fling with him but I don’t even really care enough to do that lol.
It was also weird because we were at this bar in my neighborhood sitting at some big tables outside. While we’re talking this chick sits down at our table because it’s crowded and ends up just like, telling us her whole life story and kind of dominating the conversation on the date I’m trying to be on. Then some friends of mine coincidentally showed up and sat with us too, and the whole date ended up being this weird semi-group hang and felt like we lost some opportunity to get to know each other better. In retrospect I should’ve tried to move us or something but there wasn’t really any other space so it is what it is.
I left it in his court to hit me up if he wants to hang again, feel like it could go either way. But this is the first date I’ve gone on since really trying to move on from my ex, and I’m proud of myself for at least getting out there. Sigh. Happy Friday y’all.
Decided to delete Hinge, only had it for a month and a half stint this time around. Went on a handful of first dates and reconnected with someone I used to date, but wasn’t feeling it this time around so we’ve opted to become friends. Otherwise… maybe 3 matches a week? Feels dead and like I’m on the clearance rack lol. Rather protect my peace and not try to force a meet cute, everything else in my life is good, new job at a cool company, ran my first marathon this past Sunday. Coming to grips with the fact that my life is dope but romance just may not be in the cards for me
Things ain’t going great. Told my buddy I’d take him and his girlfriend to an event, had a couple months to find a date but no one committed to it so wasted an extra 70 bucks on nothing. I’m doing construction in a hospital right now, there’s a woman with some killer bangs that always wears a mask (phlebotomist?) that has caught my eyes over the last few months. We caught the same elevator a couple days ago and I was surprised she struck up conversation with me. I kept it 100% professional (as required), shame we could only talk for a few seconds.
So…. This escalated quickly. We’re just over a week post my ‘official’ breakup date, but it was quite clear it was over before, so it’s not like I have anything to get over or process, I’ve done that in the weeks leading up to me ending it. Plus it was only a short relationship.
I’ve had two first dates and a phone call with a third person, which will be a first date on Thursday, and I may have done some top tier questionable decisions last night, when I went out to meet an exceptionally hot couple I matched with on feeld. No regrets. My friends are thoroughly amused with my shenanigans though. We’re back to the ‘bitch, make me a spreadsheet’ era I think…
Also, a girl massaged me on hinge today asking if I’m also looking for friends, since I seem too cool. I have at least five other guys who messaged similar things saying something along the lines of ‘even if you’re not attracted to me, can we please meet as friends, you seem interesting’ I think this is me peaking in life.
These three men could not be more different from each other. One I’m not going to date but I really like him. He’s super fun. He’s exactly the type of person I get on with, or at least, the type of person 20 year old me would fawn over. He’s very creative, he’s an accomplished actor/musician/voice actor/writer, that also works on the production side of things, he’s funny, flirty, and extremely charming. He’s also way way too chaotic for me to date. We already hung out a few times, it feels lighthearted and interesting, nothing happened, it feels just friendly rather than romantic, which works for me. I’d be cool with being just friends, I think he is as well, either way we’re seeing each other today and we can talk about it. I think this proves I’ve done all the growth, right?! Look at me saying no to someone I find very visually appealing, because they’re an emotional mess (I’m not being disparaging, he agrees he’s a mess).
The second person is so damn lovely. We had a long walk through a park with my dog, and sat to have drinks at an art centre. He’s really easy to talk to, seems both confident, calm, and steady, yet he wasn’t too serious and managed to be flirty and playful as well. If who my dog likes is a measure of anything, he probably wins over any date I’ve gone on in years.
He seems really thoughtful and kind, he seems like a positive person, and he took some really interesting risks in the past to follow his dreams, some of which turned out well and some not so well and I respect that so much with people. We’ve been texting, and this morning he was sharing what he was up to, which included hoovering, cleaning, sorting, and I replied that it was oddly sexy. There’s that study saying men who do chores have more sex, and I… totally see it.
We kissed at the end of our date. It was so good. I kinda wasn’t expecting from him? I don’t know why, but 10/10.
The third person so far is just a voice, but we were chatting for nearly two hours and I enjoyed it. He seems to be the most serious, though I can’t really tell from just a phone call, and anything can happen between now and Thursday. He did however listen to the first hour of a lecture series I recommended, and sent me a voice note after, and I’ve recommended this lecture series to so many people in the last 4ish years, and no one actually listened to it, so… if we’re doing points, he gets points!
It’s also been a really good week work wise, so yay!
Well I sat on work crush’s phone number for a week and finally needed to text her for something the other morning. She hasn’t been in the office this week for the most part but we texted most of Wednesday, and a good part of yesterday all the way to 10pm before she stopped responding.
Both yesterday and today she replied to a text from the night before with a good morning text and then continued the convo. Obviously there’s not much to go off of but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it so far. That said, how do yall balance not over-committing/over-doing it when you first start talking to someone?
We’ve talked a little about mutual interests (I’ll help you with this and you can help me with this) I also mentioned getting another tattoo next month and she said she’d like to meet the artist and I said she’s more than welcome to join me and she said she’d “totally be down”. So far it’s going great, I just don’t want to fuck it up somehow. I tend to go fast and hard and I’m trying to temper myself here.
dating advice can really make me feel insane lol. go at your own pace… BUT people who claim to take a long time to warm up never do… BUT you probably aren’t taking *enough* time to get to know people and are making a snap judgment that you don’t like them… BUT if you need time the person will think you’re not into them so you have to tell them you’re interested in them ASAP (even if in my case I’m genuinely not sure and need time and don’t want to be told I led them on if I end up not being interested)
!!! the good thing is more often these days i can just accept that i am who i am and it’s not wrong to need “more” time (it helps that some of my friends are also slow burn / not super sexual kind of people who also take it slow so i don’t feel as crazy).
still, it feels like there isn’t a lot of room in the ‘dating script’ for people like me somehow, even though i’m really trying to do right by people i feel like i have to keep apologizing for who i am (ie not super comfortable with physical stuff for a while + need time to even sort out if i like the person)
I had more dates when I was married and my ex and I opened up our relationship before we decided to divorce. Now that I’m actually single, I can’t even get a coffee date!
All I want is someone to sit on the couch and cuddle with me while we doze in and out of sleep watching movies. 🤣
Post breakup this week I’m wondering if my ex meant to have an intentional conversation about compatibility and the future. I feel in the past I’ve had exes skip to breaking up rather than initiating a conversation to workout an issue on their mind, then want to get back together and say I did the breaking up. Maybe I’m just hoping.
But I had a feeling it was a breakup, she seemed to be withdrawing this week. It’s been a few months and I should’ve defined the relationship sooner so I understand why she raised future uncertainty as a concern, and we’ve touched on slight personality and cultural differences, but never identified it as a problem. I thought a natural difference that added complexity. Healthy balance of half commonalities/half differences. I hoped this could be a first obstacle to work through together, rather than the end. She never said breakup, but it felt like the breakup conversation. I guess I just regret not directly clarifying she wants to stop seeing each other.
on a diff note, I just want to say that the whole “if he doesn’t reply straight away or doesn’t text often” is not always true.
they can be bad texters and still be completely into you. Pay attention to who they are when they are with you, do they give you 110% of them? then forget the texting, you are a grown ass independent adult. you don’t need a text every hour to feel secure that someone is into you.
Date for tomorrow night just cancelled. texting was getting more sparse. I like her but I can’t help but feel like this is the fade out. I don’t want to make assumptions or be pessimistic, but I guess it’s my way of protecting myself. A little bummed out.
How does one approach, develop some kind of relations with someone they like at work? Especially if they’re in a separate team / dicipline.
So far conversations are work related and not many opportunities for joint working. He seems nice enough and I can’t tell if he has a partner. I also don’t want to become material for gossip. I work in a hospital and my current role is ward based.
I am a bad texter. I have a good life with hobbies and friends and a job I love that I like to be present for instead of staring into a black box, but I get a lot of dates that get upset with it. My decompression time is also precious. I’d far rather save things for in-person or even a phone call, especially when I don’t know you well. I try to set windows to respond to messages and texts but sometimes if things get busy I can’t keep up with it. For me, it’s not an indicator of interest, just a reality of my life.
This most recent guy seemed fine with my pace and energy, but then ended things because I took too long to respond to a text.
Am I cooked, chat?
I hate how every breakup and every birthday makes me feel like I will be alone forever 🙁
I’m also so angry at this most recent ex. Why the fuck not label your drug use as “Frequently” on Bumble if it is, in fact, frequent? Lying fucking loser.
**What is everyone’s dating stats?**
1. How often do you get first/second/third dates?
2. How often are you the rejecter vs the rejectee?
3. How quick do you bounce back after something falls apart or fades out?
4. How often do you get matches that actually go anywhere?
A guy I met for 1 date in January has sent me 17 messages with no reply, we both understood we were just casually dating. There was nothing physical, we just gave each other a hug at the end of the date. We texted occasionally until Feb 28th.
I’d just been to a concert and said how awesome it was. He said he was feeling down and I asked what’s up. He wrote PAGES of long messages explaining a situation with a friend, something about he wanted to go see a movie with his friend group and the other friend took over, said his movie sucked and suggested a different movie, he felt upset about it. He said he might tell me more in person but he might shed a tear (?!)
I was still in a good mood from the concert I’d been to and didn’t reply, even though he did ask questions as well. I was overwhelmed with the length of the texts and also whatever the issue was seemed ridiculous to me. Bear in mind we’ve met once, we are not friends.
March 3rd he quotes his own text about the friend and the movie, saying “I’ve been a bit down over this, starting to feel better though, how are you?” I hearted the message but didn’t reply.
Then on Wednesday he texts again, 4 long messages about how he’s been thinking of me, and how am I doing. I didn’t reply. Should I tell him I’m not interested? Would think after 17 messages and 3 different conversations that were ignored, he would get it. I normally wouldn’t ghost people, but his copious messages were just silly and a drain on me. sorry.
What are some good questions or topics for a first date? Trying to find the right balance of getting insight and information, without making it seem like a job interview!
I moved rural. What a mistake -_-;
Friday thought from someone who took a long break and just started trying again: it’s both harder and more meaningful than I remembered. The apps are exhausting but an actual real date with a real person, when it happens, hits differently now. Lower volume, higher signal maybe. Hope everyone has a low-drama weekend.
So, officially divorced for a month now, but the marriage had been dead for a few years and just dragged on and stayed in longer due to kids. A couple days after I found out the divorce was finalized I signed up for tinder and bumble partly to see what’s out there and partly to see, I guess, if I “still had it.”
Ended up matching with a bunch of women (signed up for the premium versions to see who liked me) and had some nice chats. Ended up getting exhausted with keeping up with multiple chats plus the amount of women who can’t have a nice conversation, so took a few chats to text.
Ended up going on a single date with one woman (no 2nd date, my choice). Another woman I’ve been on 2 dates and have a 3rd scheduled. Really vibing with her, kissed after our second date, and conversation flows naturally.
Now I’m torn on if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Everyone says you shouldn’t rush into anything and I’m for sure not looking to like right away get married. Of course all my married friends are saying I should smash all these different girls and have fun. I fully planned on like focusing on myself (which I’m still doing by going to the gym regularly and eating better and focusing on work) but a part of me really likes the thought of having someone to share stories with and do things with that I really didn’t have the last few years of my marriage.
For guys who have been divorced or out of a LTR and got back into dating right away, any thoughts or experiences?
My situationship is causing me pain and I know I have to end it but I can’t bring myself to do it because I have hope left.
Can someone hype me up or knock some sense into me. 🥺
DAE feel like they’re too insecure to date? Its probably all in my mind due to perfectionism but yeah, I just don’t see myself ready to take on the responsibilities of being a long term partner.
Although I want it and everyone deserves love. I don’t know. I think I’m putting myself down for no reason. Its like I’d make a dating profile and delete after a day cause I feel like ‘meh no one would ever like me for real’ or ‘these are all just strangers looking for validation. no one is really serious on here’.
I’m a woman, people have told me I’m pretty, I make friends and talk to people but I don’t know whats wrong with me. Why does anyone bother at all, its surprises me a lot how brave people can be to put themselves out there.