I need some outside perspective because I’m pretty upset and not sure how to handle this.

My girlfriend (24F) still lives with her parents and depends on them financially. I (27M) was at her house today and things got really uncomfortable with her dad. We have 5 years together

Earlier he had been scolding her for something that honestly wasn’t even her fault, and it was actually something he caused. I was already irritated about that but I kept it to myself because it’s his house and I didn’t want to be disrespectful.

When dinner came around, I decided not to eat because I was upset and didn’t want to sit there pretending everything was fine. My girlfriend could tell something was wrong and she also said she didn’t want dinner.

Her dad then called her stupid in front of me, which really bothered me. I didn’t say anything out of respect, but it was obvious on my face that I was upset.

Then he yelled at her something like “I shouldn’t have to be eating while I’m angry, you know that.” Basically blaming her for his mood.

After that he went to another room with his wife but he was speaking loud enough that I could clearly hear him calling me things and insulting me and her. It felt like he knew I could hear him.

I didn’t confront him because I didn’t want to escalate things in his house, but it honestly made me really angry and uncomfortable.

For context, I grew up with a father who insulted me a lot, so being around that kind of behavior really affects me. Because of that, I’m seriously considering just not going back to her house anymore.

My girlfriend understands why I’m upset and she tends to stay quiet in those moments because she doesn’t want to create more problems with her dad. I don’t blame her for that, but it still puts us in a weird situation.

What I’m worried about is that if I stop going to her house, her dad will notice and might start making things harder for her or even try to stop her from seeing me.

So I’m not sure what the best move is here?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Update: she messaged me that her dad went to talk to her insulted everyone and told her he doesn't want to see me and he doesn't want to see that she sees me aswell.


3 comments

  1. Your best move is to take that girl out of that house if you have the means to do it.

    If that’s unfeasible, I’d suggest you limit going there only rarely. You can’t avoid it entirely. Be diplomatic, but most importantly talk to your GF, let her know she’s not treated right. She might not know, if she’s living in those conditions for so long, the best you can do is to support her through it the best way you can, and let her know she’s worth more than that.

  2. Drawing a hard line and refusing to enter that house again is a completely valid form of self-preservation. You are an adult, and you don’t have to pay for the “privilege” of being insulted with your time or mental health; if your girlfriend wants to see you, she can come to your place or meet you on neutral ground where her dad isn’t the main character.

  3. You’re 27 not 17. Either stand up for yourself or get over it. If you don’t want to go back then don’t.

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