My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 years. We met in school (2021) and started dating in 2022. We both finished school in 2024 and did long distance for a year before moving in together in August 2025.
At the start of our relationship we had separate apartments so I would go to her place or she would come to mine (we lived right down the street from each other), and sex was never an issue. We probably had sex a few times a week (2-3), which for me was fine. Long distance was tough for both of us but we visited each other, talked every day, etc., and I felt the connection was just as strong when we moved in together in August 2025.
Since we’ve moved in, the lack of sex is pretty discouraging. We’ve had sex maybe 5 times since moving in together. And at one point went around 2 months without being intimate. We both work in the legal field and have busy schedules. Work is draining for both of us at times so I understand occasionally being too tired for sex. I’m not looking to have sex every night (though I could lol), but at least once a week would be nice. I’ve been trying to keep the romance in our relationship alive. We go on dates, I surprise her with flowers, and tell her she’s beautiful and gorgeous as often as I can without it sounding forced, because I truly think she is. But nothing has seemed to work. I feel I’m in pretty good shape (often asked if I’m a former athlete, which I am) and while I’m no model, I feel like I’m a relatively handsome guy. So I don’t think my looks have anything to do with it.
I brought up the lack of sex to her about 2 months ago (amidst a drought of around 6 weeks) and we had a pretty healthy conversation. No shouting or arguing, just a genuine talk. She told me there’s nothing I’m doing wrong, she still desires me and that it’s all her. She’s said she’s not feeling confident in her body, that stress from work is overwhelming her, and she just isn’t in the mood all the time. She’s gained a little weight, but so have I since we first started dating. I’m not going to hold our happy relationship weight against her. I find her as gorgeous as ever, but she does seem pretty in her head about her appearance.
I don’t believe she’s cheating on me, and I’m not looking to cheat on her, but I do have needs. She talks about wanting to be engaged soon and have kids in the near future but I don’t feel comfortable proposing when my needs aren’t met. I love her and want to stay together but with our lease ending in August I’m nervous about resigning to live with her, when I’m starting to question our long term compatibility. It’s gotten bad enough that you guys are reading my first ever reddit post lol. Any advice/input would really be appreciated. Thanks.