This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking the rules, please report it.
17 comments
I feel like de centering dating from my self worth has exponentially increased my mental health. I’m no longer using that as a barometer for my worthiness. It’s helped a lot.
If I keep going on dates and working on myself, someone has to like me right?😂😂
finally a place for my weird dating shower thoughts lol
So, coffee date with the younger guy went…okay. Not the best date I’ve been on in the last year (though obviously that didn’t work because I’m going on more first dates), but not the worst either. I feel like he was much more enamored with the idea of me than the reality of me and now that he’s actually met me, the enthusiasm is fading. And that’s fine. As much as I do like him, I fully admit that I’m probably not the right person for him.
But, now I’m all up in my feelings about dating in general. It’s not necessarily about this one particular person, but rather the fact that I meet so few people that I actually want to spend any time around that when it doesn’t work out for whatever reason with someone that I start to become nihilistic about relationships.
Upon further analysis I have concluded that the man i have been seeing for the last few weeks (almost 20 years my senior) is playing in my face. I don’t know why I thought an older man would be more direct and easy to communicate with.
Joined a BJJ gym yesterday just to try something new, and get my mind off the ex.
Had an absolute blast tbh, it was nice feeling some connection.
i guess this is where all the tuesday rants go huh lol
Today I’m battling with the idea of relationships being chapters of your life that aren’t over-written when you meet someone new. It feels wrong to be falling for someone new when I still have brief moments of missing someone old.
I feel guilty towards my new guy for even thinking about my ex at all. But it’s not in comparison, instead it’s like their respective spots in my brain are completely compartmentalised. I’m really falling for A, I feel like our dynamic is really great and healthy, and I’m excited to see where it will go. But today I had a little cry because I just missed my ex as a person.
I’m still sad that the world we created doesn’t exist anymore. And though I’m creating a new world with someone new, I’m learning that the old one will continue to exist as a memory. That it just doesn’t disappear into the ether because there’s now someone else.
Birthday is less than a month away. Feeling the perennial blues about how little has changed in my life/my dating life in the past year. Although my first half marathon of the year is in 2 weeks.
So the guy I was seeing sent me a response saying that it seems like I don’t want that we do anything anymore together, and that he wanted to build something for the longevity but it seems like I need too much from him that he cannot give and from my messages it’s clear that he is not who I am looking for. That he needs his solitude while I want something fused. Yeah, brother, I need someone to actually be curious about me as a person and care. Yesterday evening my male friend came for dinner. And it really put things in perspective: the moment he saw me with two big grocery bags he came up and took the bags from me (I also have some health issues and should not carry much), he came to my place (it was spontaneous and I told him I am embarrassed since my place is messy and please don’t enter the kitchen, I have to do dishes) – he entered the kitchen and started washing my dishes (I stopped him), brought me a little flower from the tree, then once we finished eating dinner he took his PC and started saying to let’s look into things to solve my situation searching for me all the valuable sources and booking some appointments. It really underlined how the guy I was seeing couldn’t care less.
In other news, I sent yesterday messages to two guys with whom I was chatting on a dating app back in December but to whom I eventually sent a message saying that I started seeing someone and therefore it won’t be appropriate if we continue talking. I never met with them but we had good conversations. I wrote them that life brought me back there (on the dating app) and if they are still around maybe we should meet for a coffee. Both of them replied and agreed.
My new partner has invited me on our first trip with an overnight stay to see one of her favorite comedy shows in a city by us. We only had our first date in late February so things are moving pretty fast!
I posted this yesterday but didn’t get a chance to respond to people who replied
Basically going through my old messages on OLD and seeing all the times they suddenly stopped responding
Most of these conversations are well over a month old, some into the 5+ range
Some people suggested I message them again to see if they’re still there, politely and respectfully of course. Is this a bad idea?
I’m meeting my ex this weekend, as friends. I have three exes, this is the only one that I still appreciate as a person and want to keep some sort of connection. We weren’t the right person for each other and we both had our faults, but I think we always cared about each other. I hope it goes well.
I’m going to have the conversation about communication again.
The guy is busy due to work, which I understand and respect, but has poor communication on top of that. The latest issue is something we both could’ve resolved so I’d like to have a constructive conversation about it. I asked if he’s free this weekend to meet in person, and he hasn’t replied after a full day. I assume he’s busy but not taking a minute to reply feels like another incompatibility.
Dating and sleeping together for six weeks. He’s not ready to be exclusive yet but said he won’t sleep with anyone else without letting me know. Earlier this week, we had sex at work after hours (work in the same place but not same department or building) and he said this was starting to feel like FWB “in the best of ways.” I said it would be nice if he asked me on a real date again soon. Now a few days later, I said that the FWB comment didn’t feel good and I really don’t want this to turn into something in which I’m the only one putting in effort. He responded that he needs a breather and we could check in next week if I still want to 😂
I was very clear from the beginning that I didn’t want something casual and he claimed that as well. I am a bit upset at myself because from the beginning, I’ve had almost a visceral reaction of nausea/anxiety after we see each other. I dated a couple extremely avoidant men in the past and I think my body recognized that in him as well.
So definitely for the best that I get some space and can break the toxic pull but still hurts a bit because it reinforces the “I’m too much” narrative. Sigh.
I’m having bruuuuutal week at work and today it’s just been the absolute worst…I have a first date scheduled tonight and am worried about showing up not as myself given how beaten down work has me (less tired and more just fed up and angry) Trying to decide if I just be honest about it and ask if they want to reschedule…has anyone ever done that?
I actually had a woman reach out about this exact same thing happening to her last summer, we never did end up meeting. She mentioned postponing but never suggested a new time. I honestly appreciated it at the time, even though I was bummed we never did meet.
Uh, I can finally distinguish between I am pre-occupied over the uncertainty of this situation vs I am thinking a lot about this actual person. This is making dating SO much less painful.