almost all my experiences with women end by midnight after a fast hookup followed by eternal silence, I guess they just get what they want and bounce, but I don't get what's so great about sleeping with someone then never seeing them again? like I get that it's nice to meet new people, but like not every time.
17 comments
Where can one find those women?
Have you tried not sleeping with them the first time you hang out? Maybe you are attracting a type.
Cuz commitment is too tough or scary for folks?
Oh that’s disgusting! Where do you find them? Just asking so I won’t go there, obviously! Just tell me exactly where so I know I won’t even be close
It depends on the environment and filtering. Dating apps are pretty famous for having a lot of ONS-minded people on them, dating within the social circles probably offers less of that. And then on dating apps you can make up personal rules to filter out people who only want sex, like not continuing the conversation if sex comes up too early or not having sex until a certain amount of dates. It is entirely possible to have a dating experience that does not involve ONS.
Did they get good experience during ons?
I don’t know many people who are into ONS, most do at least want sex again if they had a good experience. If you look for something casual but not a one time thing, it’s still a good idea to disclose that before you decide to go back to your place/have sex.
Or maybe there’s something which makes them leave and never look back.. also curious that they don’t want to spend the night with you. Could be something unhygienic or impractical at your place, could be the sexual or personal connection..
Because it’s easy and no responsability. People aren’t capable of handling meaningful relationships these days. Ps I’m strictly against ONS imo but it’s also none of my business what others do.
Are you clear about your intentions? Sounds like you need to decide what you’re looking for and making it very clear to people on both your profile and in your conversations.
I personally only stick to a ONS if the experience was terrible and there’s no redeeming, otherwise I like consistency as the sex only gets better over time learning each other.
If you’re looking for consistency but not dating then let them know before meeting. They’ll either say they want the same or not, but even the ones who want the same might not contact you again – just one of the things you have to take with meeting new people.
experiencing the same with men. So now I’m re-evaluating my choices and dating preferences… I would suggest the same to you 🙂 My example: I’m not looking for anything serious these days, but would like to find someone for a friends-with-benefits type of thing, but the last few guys disappeared after the first night together. Even though I have communicated before that I’m not into ons, I would like to have a regular partner, and they said it’s okay for them. First, I was thinking maybe they are just dickheads and/or liars, or I’m bad in bed (and that’s still an option lol), but as I was thinking it through I realized I was more focused on the benefits part, not the friends part, and sleeping with someone on the second date would speak something different about my intentions instead of what I would like to communicate about them. So all in all, maybe they are not the bad guys, but I’m the one making the wrong decisions and transferring the wrong message. It can be something similar in your case as well. 🙂
Women look for one night stands, too. They may even like the guy but aren’t looking for a relationship atm. Question is: Were both of you clear about your expectations towards each other?
As a woman who both had ONS and several long relationships :
1. The sex is probably too bad to see you again. Good sex as a woman is hard to come by, so if you were good they would hit you up again for FWB
2. If you sleep with them immediately or aren’t very obvious about wanting a serious relationship only, you will attract hookups.
It’s a society problem. Things that cultivate personal development like community and being alone with your thoughts are dying off.
A person can get swept up in the inertia of a first date, but once the spell wears off after sex, they’re then forced to deal with their actual feelings and that’s a skill that’s withering away thanks to… everything.
You’re posting about it seeking an answer, so that means you’re reflective and solution-oriented. Good. Now, filter for that when you meet people.
(Warning: easier said than done—people are really good at faking it.)
Do you have any conversational skills, interesting hobbies, opinions, ambitions, achievements other than flirting/attraction?
No one wants to spend their life around someone who lives in the gym and can only say “hey can i buy you a drink?”
That’s all men are giving, so that’s all we’re expecting. When every guy wants to pump and dump, you just decide that you won’t make sacrifices for anyone anymore and you will just do what YOU want. Which includes meeting personal physical needs when they present themselves.
Are you just looking for ons? If not be sure to make that clear when you set the intention while dating. That way you can better filter out people who are/arent looking for that. Go on the date, get coffee or food and cap it at 3 hours with no ons and then gauge their interest after. If you are looking for something more then date that way. If someone falls away cause you want something more then its not a loss on your end
Try being upfront with them. Tell them you’re looking for suffering that can potentially turn into something more serious.