I have autism diagnosed since my preschool teachers insisted I got tested to my parents. My entire life I feel like I did not fit in and I never even still to this day have any friends. I am 30. I always used to think I will grow out of autism as I got older but now that I am 30 I just really feel like a loser. First of all everyone can tell I am autistic the minute they begin to talk to me. Then I get treated different and like I am a kid. I never know what to say or do or how to respond. Sometimes it takes me a minute to even respond to someone because I am wondering what they were asking of me and wanted me to do. I've even had people get caught off guard when they talked to me and people have actually laughed right in my face because of something I said or did. Day by day I keep making myself look like an idiot and I have had enough. Because I am so akward I actively try and avoid social interactions and if I am going to try to talk I usually try and have my whole conversation planned out. I still do stuff, I mean I work, my job is good for me because I stock stuff so no social interactions. I go to tge gym everyday, I walk everyday. No I don't talk to people when I am there. My other hobbies include nerd hobbies like anime, trading cards, and playing video games. I am also into eating healthy and reading books. I don't know at this point in my life ai feel like I am far below where someone my age level should be. I can't live by myself either so I still live with my parents.