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What does going slow look like for any fellow sloths?
Well, my ex (recently broke up, together for a little under 2 years) paid the deposit for her new apartment today and will moving out this weekend. We knew this was happening eventually, but hearing her say “Hopefully we’ll have it all out Saturday and we can be done with it” stings. Up until now I wasn’t overly emotional about this all but it hit me like a flood just now. I feel like shit for making the call to end it even though I know it was the right thing to do.
I posted last week about having a date with someone who I found cute and interesting but hadn’t messaged in a few days (or even confirmed the date)! We did end up going on the date but I wasn’t as attracted to him IRL (which is odd because he had tons of clear photos!) but I thought he was funny and interesting and we had good conversation so we agreed to a second date tonight. Well guess what? Haven’t heard from him in a few days womp womp. At least I can catch up on some housework I’d been putting off 🙂
I’m sort of losing my drive over dating tbh. It’s I think for me challenging, almost hurts me, that I meet guys I actually think are great but their intent towards me isn’t that they want to actually date me sincerely. Having to be so careful and go into these interactions aware of how common it is for guys to almost take women for these rides with OLD — I just find difficult. But I also have to trust that beyond maybe liking them there are signs pointing to their true intent and I have to weight those meaningfully and make hard decisions like not continuing on with someone. But that feeling of having to not go forward with a guy I actually would like and enjoy dating due to their not coming across for various reasons as someone who’d be a safe person for me — it’s challenging.
I just sent a message to the guy who I video chatted with yesterday. He had claimed that he had visitors coming this week but then could meet me today briefly for coffee, which I wouldn’t have been able to meet for. It just seemed odd to me. Then today out of nowhere he claims the visitors cancelled for weather — like we are having stormy weather but it seems so unlikely in 24 hours people would cancel a vacation like that. I just sense there is something odd here and I don’t think I’d be safe, not like physically at all, I doubt that — but emotionally. He’ll be totally fine, he’s conventionally handsome, perfect age to date women in their 20s, he’s early 30s, comes across well mannered, successful, checking every box off that women would be into. Dude is 100% the kind of guy hot women are trying to date. He’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Life is fine. I’m going out for a run haha.
An attractive guy came up next to me while I was deciding what to eat and simply asked ‘what looks good?’ …my mind immediately answered ‘you’ but of course I didn’t say that. lol I was flustered thinking if I should know him from somewhere because he came up so close and casually. i hate i didn’t have an open ended response and basically ran away.
I met this guy from work training last week (we work in different departments) and was attracted to him. Asked for his number last week, started texting him. Well his responses weren’t dry but I don’t think he’s curious about me… He seemed engaged in the conversation, but mostly talking about himself and not asking me anything in return. Should I just give up?
Sooo… matched with a really sweet guy that I find very attractive. He actually seems to be making an effort to get to know me and hasn’t turned things sexual yet, which is refreshing given my biggest complaint about the apps.
Not sure if we’re a great match though. Career-wise, we’re not really aligned. Not a dealbreaker, but I usually prefer someone on a similar level with a comparable work/life balance.
Interest-wise… it kind of seems like we have nothing in common. I’m into sports, dancing, traveling, UFC, movies/TV, and basically all music except metal. He’s into singing, instruments, metal 😂, and PC gaming. The fact that he lists both metal and video games on his profile makes me think they’re a pretty big deal for him. I game too (on PS5), but it’s more casual and social. You’re on the couch, chatting while playing. PC gaming seems more isolated than consoles to me. He also said he doesn’t watch much TV and prefers gaming instead.
I mentioned UFC and he said he loves it, but then mixed up a fight with boxing, and said he also likes to travel… but hasn’t really traveled 🤣 I found this a little cute, haha.
My biggest concern is that I’m an extrovert, he’s an introvert (even if he calls himself an “extroverted introvert”). So far, the only thing we seem to have in common is a love for food 😂.
We have a date planned next week. Let’s see how it goes.
All the single men with no kids in my area are catholic or Christian. Unfortunately for me, I am Buddhist/agnostic.
There was one guy I was interested in, but he ghosted me because he was looking for a wife and I’m just trying to get my toes wet as I am newly single.
Thinking about buying premium to throw my location to the city cuz that’s where my job is and I don’t wanna deal with the traffic flowing the opposite way of where I work if I find someone to go on a date with. But I also, don’t wanna buy bumble premium.
One thing I need to learn to get over is being able to break my own social norms. I am currently sitting by a very cute girl at an airport who sat across from me and is reading a book that I’m interested in, she isn’t listening to any music and is causally kind of hanging out. But my brain is like “she is minding her own business and I don’t need to bother her.” Who knows, we could strike up a nice conversation or whatnot. And it doesn’t matter if she is a girl
I’m interested in or not, my brain is just constantly putting a freeze on talking to any strangers in any setting because it feels like it’s annoying people. I just need to learn that people can manage themselves and if they don’t want to talk they won’t and etc etc. but for some reason, brain block and possible missed opportunities. Just a self rant.
Hi folks,
Just as the title suggests but I’ll provide a bit more context.
32M and been online dating for over 1.5 years now. Had some limited successes, met some great girls and glad I’ve launched myself into the online dating scene. However, I find often I can be in positions where I can’t keep chats alive to let a first date play out with one person and so often when I have a first date arranged I just let other chats fizzle out. Given I’ve been at this some time now and I’m 32 and conscious of that, and while I don’t want to rush anything, I feel it’s a shame to effectively lose potentially great matches because I struggle to mentally handle going on various first dates.
Over Christmas there I was essentially pushed into it by going on a first date via the apps and then bumping into a girl in real life (up a mountain of all places) who essentially asked me out. I went on both but I ultimately lost sleep feeling like I was being disingenuous and unreasonable going on a separate first date after having had a first date with the first girl. So to be clear it’s not that I’m burnt out or can’t face the social interaction, I’m a sociable dude, I just feel an irrational sense of guilt like I am manipulating people.
So my question is, how do I mentally rationalise this? I want to be able to do it without feeling guilty and like I’m being a malicious character. I want to be able to do it because I feel I owe it to my future self to back me and leave no stone unturned in trying to find a suitable partner.
To be clear I would never find myself in a situation of sleeping with multiple different people, this is purely non-exclusive dating and likely for not more than 3 dates with any one person.
I would be interested to hear different view points and get some advice from other people experiencing similar things.
Best wishes to you all!
I had a date planned for tonight (hinge match) that unfortunately got postponed until next week. I was pretty bummed, but just rolling with it. Then while eating dinner, I saw that she sent me a like on bumble which made me smile! dating is a real roller coaster sometimes.
I creeped the woman I’m seeing’s instagram and saw she had a post about her visa expiring next month and having to permanently return to her home country. This hasn’t come up yet and we’ve been on probably 8-10 dates over the last two months. Kinda bummed, not sure if I should keep hanging out or not?
A lady was stringing me along, tentatively scheduling a date, then asked if I had more pictures of myself. I sent one and she immediately unmatched, like within five seconds because I tried to send a second photo.
God, I’m so tired of how people are allowed to be just trash to you and people just shrug and say “that’s just how it is.”
If you don’t like someone just stop messaging them, it’s not hard. People just want to be brutal.
Speed dating. Meet a guy, he chases me down in the parking lot to get my number. We text back and forth. Had a date. Saw him again later in the week. Don’t hear from him all weekend. That Monday he texts me saying he “needs to be alone to work on (his) mental health.” THEN WHY GO OUT TO AN EVENT WHERE YOU MEET PEOPLE TO POTENTIALLY GO ON DATES WITH?! I’m still pissed.
I’ve been doing lots of work in therapy to manage the damage that my ex dealt to my mental health. But it’s still seriously affecting my dating life. I feel like I’m on edge when I’m on dates because I feel like I’m just waiting for a red flag to pop up.
For example, my ex had a gambling problem. We were a few years into the relationship before I discovered it. So now when I’m on first dates I so wish I could just ask, “Btw do you have a gambling problem??” But obviously I can’t, so I spend the whole first date thinking stuff like, “okay he checked his phone twice, is he checking sports bets?” Like it will cross my mind and put me on guard and I feel like I can’t fully enjoy myself.
Single men over 35, where are y’all actually hanging out? I’m really trying to go out in real life and meet people this year. How can I make myself as approachable as possible?
I went out to eat after work today and sat at the bar. A guy was sitting across from me and I thought he was cute. I looked in his direction a couple times but no eye contact was made. Maybe I should have sat next to him? The whole experience made me realize how inexperienced I am with putting myself out there in real life but I really want to keep pushing myself and flexing the muscle.
I’m going to keep trying with the happy hours but would like to add in some other places I can go. Please help.
I reconnected with an old friend from high school/college who I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, and I think I’ve got a bit of a crush! We matched on Tinder but more in a “hey, old pal!” way rather than romantically. We grabbed breakfast last week and went on a hike, and it was really nice to catch up with him. Since then we’ve been texting on and off and sending each other instagram reels.
We’re just getting to know each other again and he mentioned he’s not really in a rush to date, so I’ve got zero expectations. It’s just been nice to have a cute little innocent crush on someone again!
I missed my Hallmark movie moment, but I will take this as an omen that my IRL meet time is coming.
I was crossing a a busy crosswalk near my house todaynand while I was crossing a car, of course it was a Prius, sped through the busy croswalk turning against the light.
There were several other people walking in the opposite direction. And I made eye contact with one making the universal “wtf driver” look and signal when a rude driver tries to run you over. (City dwellers you know this look well).
He replied with “what was the driver thinking, you are too beautiful to get hit by a car!” ☺️
Of course I was not expecting that response, I laughed and kept walking. One hazard of being super nearsighted is that you really don’t get a good look at people until they are right in your face so I have no idea if I even thought he was cute. But definitely lots of points for being a quick thinker with contextual comments. 😂
Maybe one day I’ll run into him again. Or another crosswalk encounter will turn into a meet cute.
Okay, I’ve officially kissed the man I’ve been seeing (and genuinely really like) for the past two months, bless him for his patience as I battled my demons. It’s not easy letting people in after a nasty divorce! But we’re getting there. Progress is being made. One day at a time…oof.
AIO? I ended a promising relationship because he was habitually out past midnight drinking and dancing with female friends who I don’t know (2+ nights per week). I didnt talk to him about it, just hit the eject button.
Fellas. Any of y’all setting the boundary of exclusivity before sex? Not even necessarily defining the relationship; more simply, I don’t sleep with people who are sleeping with other people. Am I really that far of an outlier, more so as a man?
I had the woman of my dreams break things off with me tonight. The best relationship I’ve ever had. Gone.
Fuck.
I (35m) met someone (30f) who’s great on every level, we communicate well, have great sex, but I’m beginning to think that i can’t be there for her emotionally in the way that she needs.
She suffers from severe anxiety and is in constant need of attention and reaffirmation (first date was December 30th) and often breaks down every time we have a conversation. As examples, I’ll ask her how her day is going and she’ll just break down and start crying. She’ll consistently exhibit anxious attachment behaviors like “hey I know we haven’t talked a lot today, just wanna make sure we’re still okay me?”
I… need… help DOT.
1. Is this a dumb reason to break up with someone? Is it me not being emotionally available? I really like her on so many levels and keep thinking that part of being a good partner is to be there for someone emotionally.
2. I can’t help shake the feeling of guilt. If I do this… how do I do it in a way that is emotionally supportive of her?
i slept with a guy on the first date because it seemed fun and harmless. he pursued me pretty heavily after that, i wasnt sure about our connection and made it known that i would sleep with him again. the second time around wasnt that good and bunch of yellow flags started to appear. i got overwhelmed with his attention (texts and calls) especially how they felt mismatched by my experience of us spending time together. i told him i needed to step away for a bit. he didnt like that but accepted. i reached out again to take things slow and get to know one another (it seemed like he was way more interested-thats why). he ended up cancelling our 3rd date last minute but kept chatting. i expressed disappointment, he reacted well. and then one fine tuesday afternoon he calls me and we have a better dynamic and i feel myself warming up to him. he lets me know hes seeing his friends. and at night he texts me that hes home and wished me a goodnight. motherfucker doesnt know i have his location tracked on a dating app and i could tell he spent the night out. the thing is, early on when i told him i had another date, he told me if i had more to let him know so he wouldnt invest the same energy. i said ok. and the week after i told him if he wanted to see other ppl, he could, but to let me know. why in the hell would you ruin something casual by treating me like a girlfriend, and lie to me at the same time? how stupid are you young man?!
I went on my ex’s instagram. I never do, he also doesn’t really post anything on social media, but today I was curious.
I scrolled through an album posted a year ago and saw he photographed our dog we adopted together at the shelter 8 years ago, and my boy is almost all white in the face now. What once was all brown. I could barely recognize him, but it was his tag on his neck—the one that I got him, and it was his harness that his parents gifted, so I knew it was him. I just started crying. It makes me so sad to know he’s getting older. We got him when he was 2 and now he’s almost 10, I had not seen him in 5 years, and I’m crying at the thought that I won’t know when he’s gone. I really miss him, but I have had no contact with my ex for years now.
it’s enough to make a grown man cry (positive) [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1rq26uc/comment/o9q330k/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1rq26uc/comment/o9q330k/)
after a second date success i told him i liked him and he said he feels the same way. things continue to be very easy with him and im excited for the concert we’re going to at the end of the month. I’ve never had a match that committed to something that far ahead. it’s usually “let’s look at tix day of and see if prices are lower” and things fizzle out before the event lol. So I’m pretty excited that i got an immediate yes followed by genuine excitement.
hopefully we see each other before then but i do have a lot to focus on and try to wrap up before my mini trip coming up so we’ll see!