Me (20F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been together for almost 3 years now. When we met, he was a little chubby, but you could see that he went to the gym and played soccer, and was overall an athletic person. He cooked high-protein and healthy meals at home and you could see his consistency, which was one of the things that attracted me to him.
That consistency faded over time and about a year ago he stopped doing any type of physical activity and gained over 20kgs. Since then, he talks about losing weight and going to the gym all the time, but does nothing about it.
He spends almost his whole pay check on fast foods (he eats it almost every day – kfc, kebab, burritos) and then complains about having no money. He has a 10/15-minute walk to his university and his job, but still takes a scooter each time. He says that this week he’ll go to the gym to resume his membership, but he never does. Once I said that he could start with going to his classes on foot instead of a scooter and go from there, but that turned into a huge argument and that made me just scared to say anything about it again.
I was supportive at first and tried to reassure him that he wasn’t fat to me and that I still loved him, but after months of non-stop complaining I got tired of it and just tried to help. He took it as an attack and up until now he often mentions it before he tells me something (anything) “oh actually i shouldn’t tell you that because you will jump on me like you did that day”.
We “separated” in autumn for a couple of weeks (different reason) and when we got back together, one of the first things he said was that “he was really close to resuming his gym membership, but then I called”. And I’ve been thinking about it ever since, because he made it seem like I’m the one keeping him from having a good figure.
And honestly I tried to be reasonable because I myself have struggled with ED in the past, but after that comment I just lost all the attraction to him. Now every time he eats in front of me, I feel disgusted, every time he says we should take an uber/scooter when it’s a walking distance, I feel disgust. This sounds so horrible, but even the littlest things like him buying ice cream pisses me off and all I can think about is that he shouldn’t be eating that if he really wants to lose weight. He spent so much time talking about being fat and unattractive that it it actually became true in my eyes.
I feel like a total asshole, I love him, but I don’t know what to do about this situation. I don’t know how to bring this up or if I should bring this up? I hate arguing and I know for a fact that he’ll make sure I feel like a horrible person for saying that he’s unattractive to me.
Any advice or a comment from someone who has been in this situation (either side) would be great and appreciated