I have been with my husband for 4 years now. We have a 19 month old. We just moved states away from my family because he got a promotion and is now making 6 figures. Hes an amazing man.
He does anything for me and that even extends to my family. I’m a stay at home mom so I don’t work and he provides 100% with a smile on his face and still comes home and is an amazing father. He does anything and everything to make my life easier. He is the kindest man I’ve ever known. He’s never called me names, raised his voice at me, he’s never retaliated in any way when we fight, he is an amazing partner in almost every way.
The problem just starts when it comes to sex and his attraction to me. To give some background info we met right after I’d lost a substantial amount of weight. In the beginning I did feel he was genuinely attracted to me. After 3 years and a baby I’ve gained about 40lbs. I hold most in my chest but I am very self concscious since I now weigh the same amount I did at my highest weight.
He has treated me the same in almost every way. He’s still kind, helpful and attentive but I know he’s no longer attracted to me. He no longer looks at me as if he is. He still kisses and hugs me but it’s not the same. He no longer tries to engage in activities the way he did. A lot of the time it’s me initiating. He’s never been into going down on me. He never compliments my appearance. The most I get is a “you look really sexy” if I’ve gotten really ready (not just everyday brows and mascara when I’m dressed with lashes on) He rarely takes photos of me. Overall it’s just a feeling I have. Everytime he looks at me I feel almost embarrassed
I have communicated this many times in the 4 years we’ve been together. He is always super apologetic and reassuring telling me he is attracted to me but never goes into specifics. If he were to tell me he felt this way I’d be dumbfounded. I compliment him constantly and truly think he’s the most handsome man in the world but when I bring it up to him it’s like he’s pacifying me. He’ll hold me and tell me I’m beautiful and maybe try to have sex later that day and pick up the compliments a little more but it fades within a week or 2.
I know he’s loves me. I’m not doubting that. I genuinely just think he is willing to stay with me despite not being attracted to me. Idk if I should be flattered or offended. I’m not blaming him either honestly I’m not attracted to myself either
I’ve lost 40lbs since having our daughter, I try to doll myself up at least a little everyday, I brush my teeth and shower regularly, my family says I’m a beautiful curvy girl and I’ve never struggled so hard to feel attractive
I’m sort of just rambling now but idk what to do. I’ve told him, I’ve tried appealing to him more, I’ve asked him honestly if there’s anything I should be doing but he swears he is fully in love and attracted to me but I swear it’s just something you can feel when that’s the case and I don’t feel it.
Advice?