men over 40, what would you say were the most detrimental addiction or problem you had in your life and if you could go back how would you have saved yourself from it?
thinking bad what would you say caused the most problem and what would have been the quick fix
43 comments
Easily porn lmao
Idk how I would have really saved myself from it (started at 11-12), I think I needed better interpersonal / relationship type education from my parents which I didn’t have.
I’d say alcohol in my 20s was my biggest problem. The alcohol itself was a problem but the bigger problem that it led to was hanging around drinking with people I didn’t even like and didn’t treat me well. That led to more alcohol to cope with being around assholes. If I had been drinking with actual friends it would have been much healthier.
Cars.
I was big into swapping cars every few years for the next best thing or something different.
When I met my wife she finally tamed me down a bit and I realized how much money I wasted on cars over the years.
Phone.
It’s like the devil.
Gambling
Procrastination.
Would love to go back and learn how to overcome this.
Social media/YouTube/Reddit. I’m successful and happy, but I know my life would be better if I managed it better. It’s just hard because its algorithms are designed to perfectly appeal to specifically you, and it’s genuinely valuable to engage with a bit, so it’s better not to completely cut it out of your life. But I’m constantly trying to be more aware and develop systems to control it.
PC Gaming.
Kind of got obsessed with League of Legends for a few years. Would rather stay at home and play by myself that go places with my friends or GF at the time.
I swapped to TV gaming and co-op gaming to play with my wife now. It’s more of a fun activity to do together than just me alone isolated on my PC locked in and unreachable with a headset on
Despite being a recovered addict and alcoholic, I’d genuinely have to go with smoking.
I started smoking at 11 or so, genuinely out of boredom and because it seemed all the adults did it. Getting clean off drugs and alcohol sucked, but compared to quitting smoking it was a cake walk.
I’m 41 now, been fully off cigs for about 6 months and even now it can be a struggle and the desire for one is invasive, to the point I still have nicorette gum on me just in case the cravings get very bad.
Food. And I still struggle every day with over-eating. But I’m also fit and work out so it’s a balance, but if I’m not careful I’ll out-eat my burn.
Porn and procrastination. Stay away from those two Ps. Im still struggling
Getting married, then divorced, thus paying out half of everything I’ve earned. Pension, investments, home, … if you believe in love to last forever ( marriage) get a prenup if you have anything of value!
Alcoholism. I wish I hadn’t been afraid to hit a meeting the first time that it really scared the shit out of me. Instead I fucked around for another 8 years before being hospitalized and going to rehab.
Smoking was honestly a big issue for me. I was in the Air Force and missed on a lot of opportunities to stand out because I was more worried about heading out to have a cigarette. It basically cause me to not be present even though I was there. It was also detrimental to fitness. I think if I could go back and tell myself not to do something that would be it. I started because a girl I liked did it. We didn’t work out and she ended up getting hit by a drunk driver and dying so smoking didn’t even do anyone any favors in that situation either.
Smoking, still hard to say no when I drink
Misguided ability to choose healthy partners. Can’t say I want to change that for two most prominent partner, since I got three great kids out of it. But I learned some hard lessons.
Being in a long, functional but unhealthy relationship that replicated my childhood trauma of needing to earn love. “If I navigate this maze of turmoil and emotional manipulation perfectly and I love and support my partner unconditionally, then my partner will learn to love and support me unconditionally.”
I am 33 but going to answer anyways, because I wouldn’t become 40 with these addictions. For me it’s cocaine, alcohol, opioids and cannabis. Been running from my emotions since I was 13. 20 years on substances, today is day 60 clean. Thanks to NA. If you’re struggling don’t hesitate to go to a meeting. you’re welcome there.
Over Working
Alcohol absolutely ruined my life of several occasions. I lost jobs, homes, partners, and my kids for a while. Complete life destruction and loved ones hurt over and over again.
I should never have quit smoking weed 20 years ago.
Overcompromising myself for the approval of others.
My lack of boundaries and desperate need for personal approval has not done me any good. And undoing that life takes real and unfun work.
I developed a damaging relationship with alcohol that lasted from 18 to 50. I guess to have avoided that I would have had to make better friends.
Nicotine. I mostly quit smoking long ago because my wife couldn’t stand the smell. Then they came out with vapes, who don’t have a lasting smell. The cravings never truly go away so I figured this would let me satisfy that without the obvious odious effects of smoking.
That vape led to clots in my arteries, which caused a massive heart attack recently. And a few other things I’m still dealing with. (I’m sure cancer from smoking will show up eventually)
Fortunately, I haven’t touched it more than a couple times since then, but the cravings come back. And now that I’m not intaking nicotine, I’m snacking and drinking a lot, and getting fatter for doing so. The addiction seeks out alternatives.
It’s harder to be as active as I was in my 20’s, but that’s what I need to be to fix my body. All because in my teens, I thought it would be cool to smoke like all my other friends.
Fuck nicotine. Don’t start.
Like many have said, alcohol…
So many bad mistakes and in the LGBTQIA community we have a lot of trauma typically and so lots of cope early with it. It lead to bad decisions and one night stands I’m not proud of.
I don’t regret it as it helped me learn I just wish it wasn’t for 15 years lol maybe a year haha but ugh. Sober now!
Screen time
Lower your threshold of stimulation/boredom. You do that you instantly become more productive and interesting. It’s still something I struggle with today. Screens are like adult pacifiers. Wean yourself
Amphetamines and alcohol. If I could go back I’d probably still do it again, cause it’s fun but it also nearly killed me lol
Uhhh…opioids, for like 15 years. Starting with percocet and oxycontin and eventually moving on to (actual, not modern steeet) heroin.
I was always super functional and productive and lead a good life. Worked hard, had a social circle and relationship etc etc. I never came close to hitting a rock bottom. I literally dont have much bad to say about what I got out of opioids, and honestly feel they helped me positively in myriad ways. All that’s what made it so much harder to quit though.
Ive been clean since November 2023.
Hesitation and procrastination for sure. Even the piles of rave era drugs and stuff didn’t do any harm tbh granted I didn’t do the big scary 3.
I let a lot of people get in my head and tell me things where dumb or talk me out of brave choices that people have multi million dollar businesses doing but then was new. I’d save myself by ignoring them leaving everyone behind sooner and doing my own thing. It took until I was 34 to finally move across country and start my own thing should have been 24 my whole life was anchors I couldn’t see.
Social media. And I say this as a former junkie.
Alcohol was the biggest, but sugar is insidious as well. They both worked great as coping mechanisms for bad days. They tag teamed and actually gave me more stuff to stress about. Trust me, when you have a bad day, drown yourself in the gym and a salad (get extra dressing and croutons) rather than whiskey and cake.
Debt and stupid spending. Period. Full stop.
Being a “nice guy”, not setting boundaries, looking for other’s approval, codependency. I’d fix that ASAP if I could go back🙏
Weed ironically. I think because the stigma is so light. I quit meth, hated heroin, quit nicotine, alcohol, but even though weed was giving me constant panic attacks I could never quit. To this day it remains the last bastion of addiction and I just accept it lol.
Shitty people, too many of them in my life
Relationships
They simply aren’t worth it. People come and go and you have simply no capacity to change this. It’s just life
You’re the only one who will be with you for your whole life. Don’t ever let another person be your priority
Alcohol in 20s and 30s. Think I binge drank at least once but usually twice a weak for 12 years without a break. Not a single week off. Every weekend consumed entirely by alcohol.
Not 40 but the addiction to downtalk myself what lead to other addiction to numb it.
Not having the power to communicate positively about myself. Always focus on failure instead of progress.
The lazy friends I had.
A paycheck if I could go back I would have just thrown myself at making my own business
There’s so much koolaid to get you to work for someone else for your whole life.
Not taking my mental health seriously until I’d basically blown my 20s. I’m doing a hell of a lot better now–and in some ways I’m better off than if I’d never had to learn the discipline–but I can’t help regretting being a decade behind.
Heroin, easy, I would have just shot myself at 17.
No, but seriously, alcohol is way worse. Still haven’t conquered that one and arguably is where more of the problems sit quite firmly. Don’t drink. Get into fitness.
Diet and exercise. Taste buds are set and joints ache like hell, but I’m trying to correct things. Do t know if it would have meant an easier life, or if I’d have made worse decisions by looking more attractive. Hard to know “right”. Just wish for the sake of health issues that I’d put a bit more effort into things.
I mean… it’ll depend. My case wouldn’t be that common maybe?
To heal from an abusive, alcoholic, narcissistic, absent father and all the PTSD… one needs first to realize you were abused and neglected. In the beginning you need to understand that there are boundaries… but nobody is going to teach you those kind of things, nobody talks about those things, therefore you grow believing that’s normal.
Until I left my family and country behind… that’s when I realized I was all fucked up.
So my most detrimental addiction was to hate myself, pity myself, belittling myself, felt ugly (even tho I’m told I’m good looking), needy, pleaser, low self esteem, insecure, and at the same time having an ego bigger than the Everest, etc… Anyhow, it all came because of how I was treated as a kid. And so as I grow up, I couldn’t be a victim all my life and I had to learn how to overcome all that shit while battling suicidal tendencies and a decade of depression in silence. Finally I realized I couldn’t do it myself… and I looked for help and got a psychiatrist and psychologist as well as participating in a philosophy book club. I’m not depressed or suicidal anymore, but I’m still working on my PTSD and some identities I need to get rid off and to understand that I am enough, capable and lovable.
But… I couldn’t say there’s a quick fix. Is a working process/progress.
Perhaps, if you have the means, go to therapy for fun? You don’t have to go every week, you can do every other month kinda thing…, I mean, don’t wait until you are paralyzed. Is ok to have a professional to tell all your shit.
Edit: same as some other in regards smoking for 18 years 2 packs a day, and alcohol until unconscious. In a way those 2 vices were easy to quit. The mental stuff is harder to unlearn…