Hey Reddit, I really need advice. I don’t even know where to start.
I recently saw a conversation between my boyfriend and a female coworker. From what I saw, they’re flirting and planning to meet up in her city. She’s even saying he can relocate there through work, and he seems okay with it—even asking work to give him project there temporarily hopefully within this year. Honestly, he said to her that he will definitely move there once he gets bored of our city. P.s he never mentioned he’s in a relationship. They laugh, banter, and she’s planning to show him her favorite places, even bringing him to eat at her favorite spots.
What really confuses me is that when I ask him about relocating, he doesn’t seem interested in moving across seas at all. So there’s a huge gap between what he’s telling me and what he’s planning with her.
He’s also so lovely to me, acts normal, sweet, and affectionate like nothing is wrong. The contrast between how he treats me and what he’s planning with her makes me feel really hurt and betrayed.
He’s never opened up to me about any of this. I don’t think he realizes I saw the convo, and honestly, I don’t plan to tell him. Since seeing it, I’ve completely lost sexual attraction to him. I feel hurt, confused, and honestly… grossed out.
Adding to this, he’s always been controlling about travel—I’m not allowed to solo travel, even though I’ve been wanting to. We’ve been official and living together for over 2 years.
I don’t know if this is just a gut reaction, or if it’s a clear sign that I need to move on. Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you process it when you feel betrayed but don’t confront the person? I never experienced this before.
TL;DR:
Saw messages between my boyfriend and a female coworker where they flirt, plan to meet in her city, and talk about him possibly relocating there permanently(even for a week). He never told me about any of this and still acts sweet and normal with me. Since seeing it, I suddenly lost all sexual attraction to him and feel confused and betrayed, but I don’t think I’ll ever tell him I saw the messages.