This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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30 comments

  1. Hi. My name is timefornewgods and, dating-wise, I have no idea what I’m doing.

  2. Is it weird to delete your dating apps without discussing it first? I’ve been on 4 great dates with someone I met on Hinge, with number 5 coming up tomorrow. They’ve all been very long (shortest was close to 9 hours…), we’ve spent the night together twice, and it feels like we’re really clicking.

    The thing is I was planning on deleting them anyway whether this works out or not, in fact I was about to do so when this match came through, so I’m glad I didn’t. Should I say something first so that she doesn’t think I’m making assumptions?

  3. Most of my likes are from Portland and San Diego. I am in Canada. Quit playing me like this OLD. 

  5. Talking to a guy for almost 2 weeks. Was going good. Finally told my friends as I was finally about to ask for a in person date. He must have heard that because he just ghosted. Like Wth dude?!

  6. Had a good ol’ 2 hour makeout sesh with the guy last night. So great except now I need to figure out how to avoid beard burn on my sensitive face – my lips feel raw. Steak too juicy, lobster too buttery, I know, I know.

    I am so happy I told him how I feel! I said to him last night “I don’t know why I was so nervous,” and he said “I get it, I was really nervous too. I still am nervous. But we made it through the hard part.” And I said “I’m still nervous too. We can be nervous together.”

  7. Was talking to a friend. She is swearing off dating. For what seems to be a common theme from my friends: people are too boring. And I totally get it.

    [Boring = bad at conversation]

    It is so frustrating when going on a date is like pulling teeth. This friend I know is a good conversationalist. So that definitely means the people she is encountering are tortuous. I agree.

    Also, it feels like the way to my heart more than ever is being able to have a good conversation. Instant crush, because it feels so uncommon. 😂

    Are you struggling with the same?

  8. Should I be concerned about someone taking days to respond (but still responding), claiming work as the reason?

    I’ve only gone on two dates with them and they’ve been great for both of us (unless she’s a really good actor), but this long break between texts is really making me anxious

  9. Could always be wrong, but getting the sense based on lack of a timely reply that last night’s date won’t be leading to a second, which will be the third person in a row of them sending me a like/initiating and then not feeling “the spark” when I ask about a second date. Feeling a mix of mild sadness & general frustration (not at them individually, not feeling a connection is totally valid), so I guess that’s a sign of needing a break. Hit pause on Hinge, going to take myself on some solo dates this week/weekend, eat lots of fruit, and see how I’m feeling come Monday.

    [mood for the rest of the day](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FvE0KijWIAAB6BK.jpg)

  10. Does anyone else just feel a lot of meh when it comes to dating? Like even when nothing bad happens, everything just sort of feels mediocre at best. For those stuck in meh, do the people you’re dating ever become more exciting? Or when do you throw in the towel?

    Edit to clarify: I meant by throw in the towel—decide that a single meh guy is going to stay meh, not give up on dating as a whole.

  11. Really strange phenomenon in online dating for me.

    I live in a relatively small town thats an hour between two large cities. I can run out of people to swipe on within 25 miles in one day.

    I get hundreds of matches from the two cities. Probably half of them will talk to me and half of those will be willing to meet me.

    Heres the weird thing. When i match with someone thats actually here where i live, they’re unlikely to talk to me and if they do, they’re even more unlikely to meet with me.

    I’m not from this town and it is the deep south. I have an olive complexion but you’d definitely think im white italian or something.

    I feel like when i match with someone thats lived here their whole life they’re seeking info about me before talking to me or something. Theres probably not much info lol. I say that because it seems like i can only connect with women in this town that are transplants like myself.

    Do women feel safer getting to know a guy an hour away than they do within their own community?

  12. Hi y’all,
    do ressources for autistic men struggling to date exist? Books, longform videos, blogs?

    Generally speaking, I have built a somewhat good life for myself, and manage to have a social circle, a gym routine and a 40 hour work week, but the few dates I have are always, and I mean literally always, met with “Hey, you were nice, but I didn’t feel anything. Hope you meet your person.”

    Is there something to do or read up on, guidelines, videos, anything really to help a man in his early thirties who has zero romantic experience? I havent really had one “getting to know each other phase” in my life.

    I’d just like to avoid any sort of cringy alpha male content or pickup stuff if those are even a thing in 2026

  13. In a weird turn of events, even though all of my messages/matches were completely gone, I received a message today on Tinder from a guy who I thought had unmatched me after me asking when he was free for a coffee, but he actually sent the message last Thursday, very very puzzling but amusing nonetheless

  14. I’ve been on three dates with a guy, and I really like him so far. But he has CRPS, which is a chronic neurological condition. He’s lovely and we have a lot in common, but he can’t stand or walk for long. I love hiking, running, and just walking around exploring. We’re in NYC, and I want someone to walk all over the city with. So I’m just feeling a bit sad about it, and like I need to wish him the best and move on 🙁

  15. I have a date tomorrow with someone I think is really cute and interesting BUT they haven’t replied to my texts since Saturday night.

    I’m sending the confirmation text tonight but I have little hope 😩

  16. I’m having another dinner tomorrow with someone I’ve been seeing more and more. We’ve got a show and band lined up in the future, and she seems into me but we haven’t kissed or anything yet. I’m so unbelievably nervous for tomorrow, I feel like I need to escalate but I really don’t want to mess things up.

  17. I have been in such a funk lately. 

    I’m anxious, I want to cry, I want a long hug, I want someone who wants to be near me, I want quiet, I want mental synchronicity, I want a friend that is also really fuckable. 

    And shit, it’s just such a bad feeling to know I’m alone for the long haul. 

    I’m just alone, and it’s not something I can be any more proactive about. I’m just alone.

  18. 34 years old and never had a girlfriend.
    Haven’t been on a date in 3 years.

    I’m so fucking tired of being single man…like I literally can’t stand the fact that I can’t even go on a date. I’m not trying to settle down and get married next week, I just want to feel like a normal man and have a dating life.

    I’m a good looking guy who’s kind, generous, funny and emotionally stable just wasting the best years of his young life. I want to go on dates, I want to have a healthy sex life, I want to feel wanted, hold hands, kiss, laugh, cook together, cuddle, share stories, share ideas…I just want to know what it’s like just once in my life to be chosen.

  19. I’ve had a rough time lately. I’m the girl who’s too much.

    I got divorced from my husband of 13 years early this year, and now my relationship with my boyfriend (we were ENM) is ending too. He says I’m not compatible for him long-term.

    I understand that, but it still hurts.

    I want someone who is going to be crazy about me, someone who won’t think I’m “too much”.

    I’m starting over at 37, and I’m so fucking scared to love again. What if I pick wrong again? Things are still raw, so I’m throwing a bit of a pity party here. Anyway. Good luck, friends.

  20. Netflix has a new show, [Age of Attraction](https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/age-of-attraction-season-1-cast-instagrams). This looks really entertaining. Dating show where everyone hides their ages.

    It also feels very relatable at my age. I think many woman in the mid-40s bucket are finding we aren’t values aligned with many of our male peers in our age group. And younger men are a better fit. But then it becomes a question of what is appropriate. And what is too young.

    More acutely, in the last couple of weeks I have been visiting a new coffee shop. One of the workers is very flirty. It is adorable. He is cute. I am like 15-20 years older than he is (based on my estimates). Am I happy to chat with him? Absolutely. Is that an appropriate age gap? No way! He is a baby! He looks like a baby!

    I think this show is going to really drill into this dynamic.

  21. When I (31m) deleted my OLD apps in late December for a much needed mental health break, I struggled a tiny bit with the transition from a busy, active dating life back to being single. One thing I was really looking forward to however, was some real downtime after a busy holiday season and from the months of consistently putting myself out there.

    Unfortunately (and fortunately, for my bank account), that downtime didn’t come as quickly as I expected. We had an unusual amount of overtime available at work this winter, and I’m not great at leaving “free” money on the table. The tradeoff though, was that my days off became scarce, and the R&R I thought I’d get just didn’t happen. In the same way I felt burnout from dating, I started to feel burnout from work.

    Fortunately for me (and unfortunately for my bank account), the overtime has officially wrapped up until at least summer vacation season, which means my days off are actually mine again. Once the usual daily errands and chores are done, I finally have real, open free time for the foreseeable future. I’m genuinely looking forward to slowing down and giving myself space to reset both physically and mentally.

    I do have my first date of 2026 coming up in about 10 days through a [matchmaking setup](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/BRsHrN7Pge). But not being on the apps and not constantly cycling through online conversations has already made the idea of dating again feel lighter and more manageable. For now, I’m focusing on enjoying the slower pace and seeing what unfolds from a more grounded place.

  22. Things are going so, so well with my bf. I honestly never thought I’d get here with someone; I had kinda given up on getting married. I’ve stopped doubting or being anxious about his commitment. We’ve made it through some difficult times and come out through it as better people and partners. Our communication is good and has only gotten better. Our love is stronger every day. We had a more serious talk about moving in together recently, and when I was feeling down about a setback with my health, he reassured me that he was here for me, that I’ll be better eventually, whether it’s in a few weeks or months, and that we have many years ahead of us to enjoy 🥰

    Reading that all makes me sound so sappy and it makes me feel a little silly, but I’m just so happy with him and I’ve never felt so good and content in a relationship. I wanna marry this guy.

  23. Quick advice/thoughts please. Genuinely busy/overwhelmed with life or just not interested.

    I was talking to this girl on a dating app for a couple of weeks. We have about a 2 hour distance between us. I made the trip for a date. Thought it went well, she asked for a kiss. Then we went and got a drink and shared some laughs and conversation. We made out a bit in her car and parted ways. We said she’d like to see me again but due to distance and schedules, we haven’t been able to get anything on the books.

    We have spoken on the phone a couple of times but lately she said she has been super busy with work and life and the conversation has been less.
    I know she is genuinely busy and I don’t want to impose on her. The text replies dropped off gradually and now I’m 24 hrs + no response.

    I know I am being anxious about it and I am also autistic and I am really struggling with the ambiguity. It has only been one date, but she seemed genuinely interested and I was hopeful to see where it went, but I’m struggling not to write her off at the moment.

  24. I’m still dating avoidant pothead I started seeing in November. And yet, I have trouble telling people I’m in a relationship, because, well, he’s an avoidant pothead, but I can’t bring myself to end it, because we have a lot of chemistry, and because he is trying hard to prove himself. Hopefully I will find the strength when his motivation inevitably wears off…

  25. Maybe I shouldn’t be on the apps while pms-ing. Ever. And just be a little down in the dumps for a few days by myself and know it will pass 🥲

  26. Hey all, Male, 34, just need to vent about dating and life in general.

    Overall, things in my life are pretty good. I have a great family and friends, and my social life is pretty active. I started to learn to play guitar this year, something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve also been getting really into cooking, people are always complimenting the meals I bring to work.

    I have a great job in mental health that I feel really passionate about, and I make pretty decent money too. In terms of Maslows Hierarchy of Needs (for all of you psychology/social work people out there), most things in my life are pretty fulfilling, except the love and intimacy part.

    I just cant help but feel discouraged about dating and my romantic life. I have a hinge profile that I started last October, I went on 2 dates that didn’t really go anywhere, and since then I just feel like I’m flailing and stuck in place.

    I think a big part of this is that, while my life is pretty great in many ways, I still feel like I’m a work in progress and maybe I’m not really in the right place to date. The main thing is… I still live with my parents. I honestly feel a lot of shame and embarrassment about this. Its just something I dread telling people because I think it makes me look immature, irresponsible, and like I’m not able to take care of myself or anyone else for that matter.

    The reason I still live with my parents is because I made a lot of financial mistakes in my 20’s, took out a lot in student loans, and ended uo with around $133,000 in debt. My monthly payments were high, I originally owed something like 1,500 a month just as the minimum payment each month. After the breakup of my last long term relationship in 2018, I moved back in with my parents and began the long process of putting my life together. I’m think that by summer this year I should be in a good enough place to move out finally, or consider staying 1 more year to pay off even more… much to consider.

    On top of all this, its been 8 years of being single. Ive been on many dates, had some flings, situationships, and dry spells in between, but for the most part I’ve just been single this whole time. Now that I’m 33 it just feels like I’m running out time. I know I’m young, but it doesnt feel like it, and this feeling of being stuck really weights on me.

  27. Venting cause idk. 32M just moved to a new city 5 months ago. Never had a serious relationship, last “official girlfriend” was back in high school.
    So I move here and within a month I meet a girl and we started dating. We took it slow, our dates we chill. More just hanging out getting to know each other but we def liked each others company. She introduced me to her friends within the first two months, she was so excited they all liked me. We spent NYE today, had NYE kiss and were so excited about everything. We made it official the day after NY. I was over the moon.

    We got snowed in together when that bad storm hit the NE and we had a great time. I kinda saw it as our first test, having a multi day sleepover. She’s a nurse so her schedules all over the place. But we talked bout that weekend and were pleasantly surprised we had no issues. No fights just fun good times.

    February hits and I had planned this nice date but something happened and we had to reschedule it but we still hung out and I ended up meeting her parents. So in my head, she def likes me and this is something good.

    Last weekend we hung out and when I left I could just tell something was off. I spiraled all Sunday to Tuesday cause she barely texted me and the texts felt weird. So we planned to hang out this up coming weekend and there I was gonna ask what’s up cause something was def wrong. She texted me last night that she had been thinking bout us a lot and isn’t sure shes “in it” as much as she was before. She’s gonna take the weekend to think everything over and we’ll talk next week. Which in my mind is just delaying a breakup. Who knows maybe we talk it out and it’s good but if I know my lucky it’s basically over.

    I’m so mad cause I moved here for work and I love my job and she was the first friend I had here and we hung out all the time and basically all I have here. I went from a shitty job in my home city to new job an my first girlfriend within a month and now everything’s just crashing down cause of her. I won’t leave my job but god damn this sucks a lot. It’s been so long since real heartbreak that I forgot how much it sucks.

    Was this girl the one? Idk could be. It was so easy with her. Just the idea of getting back on dating apps scares me (that’s how I met her). I know I need to put myself out there now joining adult rec leagues and other stuff to meet people but rn that just terrifies me

  28. Glanced at my ex on Strava out of a stray habit (bad habit… I have no other social media and neither does he, a blessing in the end) and saw that he’d posted an absolutely terrible picture of himself. So bad I laughed.

    I guess, props to him for the confidence… and honestly, thanks. It’s incredible to look at someone you were super into and feel neutral or even mildly grossed out. Really, it was probably only 50% the picture and 50% the blessing of time and reflection that made me finally certain of my decision.

    It’s nice to know the next time I meet someone I like, there won’t be a part of my mind stuck in the past. There’s a clean slate for the right person.

  29. *Stop telling me I have to be fine being on my own first!!!* I’m *fine* being on my own, it’s *fine*. But *fine* is not a life I wanted for myself, and I’m tired of being the third wheel and of going home to sleep alone. I’m *lonely*. I’m lucky, genuinely… but I’m still lonely.

  30. I wish I didn’t spend my 20s on dating, I spent a lot of 30s time being depressed and dealing with breakup blues.

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