Or at least that’s what the people I met at a virtual meetup for a Facebook dating group said. Yesterday I attended the meetup and met some genuinely cool people. As we got to know each other, we ended up talking a lot about dating struggles and experiences, and this topic came up.
I didn’t have much to contribute when it came to online dating stories. My own experience was about eight months on the apps with no matches, but it was still interesting hearing what people who do get matches are dealing with.
Most of us are in our 40s, so it makes sense that some people might be coming out of divorces or long relationships. Still, several people, men and women, said they often match with people who are still married or currently in relationships, a lot of times finding this out later, which was kind of wild to hear how common it apparently is. Meanwhile I’m 6’2”, fit, no kids, and apparently still losing the dating app algorithm to married guys, lol.
They also offered to help curate my dating profile if I decide to give the apps another try, which was really nice.
Anyways, how common is this? Anyone else experience this?
6 comments
I gave up. All I dealt with were liars, creeps and criminals. Maybe 3 decent guys in over a year. one was a fwb for a bit, other is still a platonic friend and the 3rd just ended after the first date bc we didnt match well. These guys were respectful of boundaries.
Its so hard out there. I couldn’t take the mental toll and now im just resigned to the fact that im going to be lonely. I want companionship but its not worth the stress of weeding through hundreds of absolute creeps. Im not exaggerating either. It was always sexual. Like ‘Sir, NO I wont show you my vagina, you are an internet stranger! (NOT even exaggerating)
The last three men in their 40s I chatted with on an app.all eventually admitted to still being married. With no plans to change that “for the kids.”
I’ve been to dating events attended by married and engaged men “looking for new friends”.
Yep most of them are “ENM and the wife knows”. lol Apparently our (women’s) standards are so low now we give our husbands consent to cheat on us.
A good portion of guys I have met are in messy situations, but maybe my “married or nah” radar is pretty good, because I haven’t encountered that lately. That I know of…
Most of them are ENM… I blame this on dead bedrooms and newly divorced/single 40s. You don’t really have to follow their path. There’s many opportunity to find monogamous relationship out there.