I don’t exactly know why I’m writing this or really what I’m thinking. But I know that I feel alone, disheartened, + hopeless.
I’m a 30F + I’ve done the long-term relationship, break up, finding myself over + over again work.
And I’ve done the situationships + casual sex experiences that have left me feeling temporarily satisfied but ultimately lost + hurt. And the continuity of healing from those experiences too.
I’ve lived alone for years, do well for myself, have 3 dogs, practice solid self care, + overall have a good life; but I feel so lonely + empty. I know I’m ready for something meaningful. The apps aren’t for me, I’ve tried. I’ve hoped things could grow organically between guys that I had befriended but to no avail.
I’m really trying to trust whatever plan the universe has for me but I’m losing hope.
I’m just so tired of not having a safe place to land, not having someone to share experiences with, not having someone close to help carry the heaviness of life with. You know? I try not to force anything but it also doesn’t feel right just sitting back + hoping my person is going to fall out of the sky.
I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. I can’t keep gaslighting myself or spiritually bypassing into believing they’ll show up when the time is right because I feel like I keep getting my hopes up. I just don’t know.