Had the best date in months last Saturday, ended up in bed and i failed

27 comments

1. I’m a woman so can’t comment on why it happened… all I can say is from my experience it happens really quite often and to me and other women I know, it might be slightly disappointing in the moment for both of you, but nothing concerning going forward in a relationship and nothing we are judgemental about. I wouldn’t overthink it! I’m just glad it’s not something women have to deal with (really). I totally sympathise it must be frustrating!

2. You may have put too much pressure on yourself to perform. Also, idk about how this works with guys, but alcohol makes my bedroom performance way worse.

3. did you drink whiskey? its the only thing i drink and it never used to affect me but in the last 3 years my member refuses to wake up if i’ve had a couple.

4. When I was a bachelor, I would preclude the event with “Just so you know, I sometimes can’t get or keep it up the first couple of times with someone new. It’s totally a me thing.”

   If it happened, I’d switch to oral or manual play.

   There is nothing wrong with you. Our bodies are very rarely under our control. If it continues to be an issue, you should reflect on your lifestyle. Are you eating a lot of fatty or fried food? How many vitamins, vegetables, and fruit are you eating? Are you getting too much or too little protein? Are you on anti-depressants? Are you on blood thinners or pain meds?

   If it’s a consistent problem, most doctors will write a prescription for boner pills for like no reason. I got my psychiatrist to write me one at 30 even though erectile dysfunction isn’t a side effect of any of my meds. I’d recommend tadalafil (generic for cialis). It takes about 15 mins to kick in (perfect time for some cunnilingus) and lasts around 24-36 hours, but IME the placebo can last longer. Very few side effects to boot.

   There’s any number of reasons it could have happened. It’s important to not view it as a failure, shrug it off, move on, ask her out again or invite her to your place. The home turf advantage will probably help, too.

5. did you ask her out again? you probably was nervous, and that’s okay.

6. It’s pretty common on a first interaction, sometimes it’s nerves and sometimes it’s alcohol in my experience, but if the connection is there ask her out again. I’ve always been patient and understanding about it so she might be too. I think most women have been with men where things didn’t work right the first time. 🤷🏻‍♀️

   It took multiple tries before with a couple different ppl I dated and I dated one about 3 months after that and the other 3 years.

7. It happens man! Personally I would not be offended if this happened. Sometimes the body doesn’t match the brain, as a woman this happens all the time. Don’t sweat it, just continue building a connection and see what happens. It’s so early, it’s probably just anxiety.

8. Probably anxiety. It happens! Could you get an erection afterwards normally (later at home)?)

   Unfortunately it might happen again, since you’d be more concerned and focused on it. I kept having trouble until a doctor gave me some Tadalafil and that worked amazingly.

9. If she’s into you, this isn’t going to matter. I’ve been with a man when he had problems due to nerves or whatever and I was totally cool with it. We made it work another time and I was completely satisfied. Don’t let this get in your head.

10. If it never happened before, no need to sweat it really. Anxiety, alcohol, fatigue, there are plenty of reasons.

    Either way, that’s not a failure. It happens. Moreover, she was cool, so don’t sweat it.

    Also when it arrives, in general we find other ways to amuse ourselves! (not mandatory of course, sometimes I feel like it, sometimes not), but also sex isn’t just penetration.

    If there was alchemy, and both of you are interested, I don’t think it’s a big deal really.

11. Most likely nerves like you said, but was it a complete show stopper? If so why? Tons of other stuff you can do without a boner, most of which is sure to make a great first impression on her if you catch my drift

    Just go with the flow. The body is a complex machine.

12. Talk to your doctor and get the blue pills. It’s very common. I find it hard to het it up when I have to or when I know my time with a woman could be limited (like first dates). Super frustrating and then you cannot stop thinking about it. The blue pills solve that part for you and things happen as you’d expect them to. When you need to you can and it lasts long enough depending on the dose. She will love you for it as well.

13. I’m a woman. This happens. It’s not uncommon, and we are understanding, though if I’m being honest it does still sometimes make me wonder whether there was an attraction issue.

    You should ask her out again. Don’t let this impact your confidence! If you want to, you can mention it to reassure her.

    “Hey I had a really good time the other night and I think you’re really fun, smart and hot. I would love to take you out again if you’re up for it. Hopefully I will be a little less nervous this time.”

    (I know you said you weren’t nervous, but it’s a reasonable thing to blame it on, and ensures she won’t think it’s her).

    Good luck!

14. So, im a woman in my mid 40’s. I have dated multiple people this has happened to. The following things have influenced it:
    – alcohol
    – tiredness
    – anxiety
    – time of day
    – any level of nerves at all (performance anxiety, even fairly minor).

    Honestly, you sped ran the entire list and it didn’t work out. Make her happy and both of you go to sleep. Next time, you can have all the fun. But get some sleep, try earlier in the night and don’t drink.

    The only men I don’t want to see again were the ones who decided that because they weren’t able to wake up for the occasion, the occasion had to end while they pouted and explained repeatedly that it never happens.

    Yes, it does. To nearly everyone.

    But when they make it all about them, and their self-flagellation, honestly, that tells me a lot about them. I’ve found that they approach nearly everything similarly. The entire relationship is about them and what they want, what they expect, what they demand, what they feel. That’s not for me.

    But even if the fun stopped and we just ended up continuing to talk, it’s a GREAT sign moving forward.

    If you like her, repeat. Just try to mitigate some of the factors that can negatively influence the outcome.

15. It is not a big deal, I am a woman and I. Have experienced it with some guys. Maybe you were nervous, Just dont think about it much 

16. Could be alcohol. Could be nerves. Could be demisexuality.

17. Always, carry a back up plan and ol blue.

18. Get you some Viagra and wreck that!

19. It happens! Here’s what you should do. Go out again. Don’t bring it up again. Then, if you go home again, just focus on her. Don’t plan to have s+x. Just plan to fool around and focus on her pleasure.

20. As a woman, I’d be freaking out that I did something to ruin it for you 🤷🏻‍♀️

21. Tell her the truth, women like the truth.

22. Performance anxiety can creep up. Also how’s your diet? That also plays a role. It happens to the best of us. Give yourself grace and find out how you can connect with your body better so that you can gain insights on the root of it.

23. I’ve had similar happen, good thing I am fairly skilled in oral and hand/finger play. This way if lil man don’t work she still gets hers also typically leads to follow up encounters 😅

24. Maybe you shouldn’t have had 4 drinks in 4 hours amigo

25. Whiskey dick, anxiety stress and alcohol, don’t overthink things. Next time take it easy, with the alcohol and with your nerves and expectations. Go into things relaxed.

26. Time to use the little blue pill

27. Imma say stress. Running on empty for weeks sounds like a lot of stress. Can’t force the body. But also nothing to be embarrassed by