Hello guys /girls , I need some advice .. I have had negative feelings for my wife for years and can’t seem to let go .. background , I am 40 my wife is 38 , we have been married 16 years .. we both came from a Christian background /belief that we should save our virginity until marriage .. 3 years into our marriage she told me she lied about being a virgin and had been with several men before me , I felt betrayed /duped .. the events I will describe took place over the course of our marriage .. another time I caught her texting with a workmate , her eyes would light up when she got messages from him .. I confronted her about this and she stopped .. another time she went on a girls trip , she gave out her number to some random dude , her phone was tethered to her iPad so I saw all these messages .. she claimed that she gave out the number just to get rid of the guy .. over the years she has flirted with several of my friends , when I confront her about these things she is apologetic .. most recently I caught her texting someone , she told me it was a old boyfriend .. I let it go because she was once again apologetic . She is a hard worker but doesn’t want to be a team , wants her OWN money ..
she always finds a way to compare me with other ( more successful men )
When we go out in social situations she is so very happy with our friends but acts very depressed around me ..sometimes I feel that if I wasn’t attractive she would have left a long time ago ..
She does tell me she loves me but this doesn’t seem to be the way a loving wife should act .. is this what marriage is ? Should I just continue forgiving / forgetting ? Am I going crazy ?