This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Have you fallen in love with someone before? What was that like? How did it form? And do you believe in a true love?
This may sound weird, but does anyone else find that their poor time management skills makes dating super stressful.
So, I’m well aware that many tasks take me longer than the average person, so I try to plan accordingly. However, I seem to have a lot of trouble trying to fit new relationships into my life and when guys start asking for time that I’ve earmarked for chores, I start getting stressed. I literally once ended things with a guy because he asked to hang out during a time I had planned to do my taxes and I decided I preferred that to seeing him.
I’m not sure if this lack of flexibility in planning is a sign I’m not into someone or just a byproduct of my gad/adhd with no reflection of relationship quality.
Some of you may remember me, I posted yesterday about getting dumped. Last night she texted me asking me if I was available soon to get her the air mattress and pump she lent me. I texted her a few hours later when I noticed she messaged me and told her I would meet her halfway with the items on Sunday. We set a time. 2 things
1. Is it immature to give her some things back she gave me as gifts? One is a deck of scratch off cards with date ideas for our area. I would feel weird using those with someone else. The other is a gift card she got me for an activity I wanted to try that she had already done. It’s just something I never got around to using.
2. I made a mistake I think, I sent her a text…not begging and groveling but telling her that I was apologetic that I indirectly hurt her feelings. I told her that I was confused by the card she gave me 2 weeks ago, and then the sudden break up. I told her how the card made me feel (positive) and that I wished her well.
I need a 3rd party opinion on how bad I may have f’d this up.
Edit: She told me she’s willing to have a conversation in person to give me some understanding.
My girlfriend and I had a beautiful (deferred) Valentine’s date last weekend, and we talked seriously for the first time about moving in together. We been dating over nine months and it’s been wonderful. I can’t believe how good it feels to love and be loved by someone whose feelings for me I don’t have to doubt or second guess, or feel like I’m constantly on probationary status and having to “prove myself” as worthy of her.
Hello everyone.
I’m a male in late 30s working in retail (love my job). From observations I could tell that I’m perceived as a kind and warm person who loves making people smile and laugh.
I never dated and the only relationship I had was sort of situationship/FWB until she returned to her country.
Few months ago a new coworker (F mid 20s) joined our team. We didn’t communicate much as I’m not very comfortable around young people (well, and new. Otherwise there’s no problem).
It changed about a month ago. She actively started to initiate a conversations with me. Never met a woman that put so much effort to be around me. It’s endearing. Lately I have a feeling she wants me to ask her out.
I like her, she’s gorgeous, patient, mature, emanates a warm aura and her laugh could be described as bells made of flower petals jingling in a gentle breeze.
The thing is I feel tension/pressure in my chest when I talk to her or think about her (and my shy bladder syndrome from school days returned). Also I’m jealous of the guys that casually talk to her lol.
She knows my age and told me hers while complimenting that I look way younger.
I would love to get insight here, opinions, your points of view. Anything is appreciated.
Thank you in advance for your responses.
Have a nice one
*Relationships at our work common, worst case different departments and maybe gossip
When is the mutual fade okay? I feel weird because we have gone on like 6 dates, but things are fizzling. He hasn’t asked me out and I haven’t asked him in the last week. Do I need to like officially end it at this point? Or just let it fade?
I’m struggling with being in a really nice relationship with someone who is going to move from my city next year, but I’m trying to be positive and not let that impact how I feel or express affection towards them, but it is hard.
I have a date on Saturday. She’s cute and nerdy and likes folk horror. There’s been very little chatting, so I’m not really sure what to expect, but her vibes are fun.
This’ll be first date since going no contact with a situationship earlier this week, and I’m already feeling more present and grounded and lighter. I hope it comes across to new people I meet, because I’m fairly certain I was not putting in 100% on any dates I went on so far this year because I was so, so hung up on this person.
Mostly venting. Deep down I already know the answers.
How is a 40‑year‑old supposed to meet compatible women?
I’m fit, social, decent‑looking, have a good sense of humor, and an active life. I smile, laugh, and have plenty of hobbies.
I’ve put myself out there:
– Multiple cycling groups, a running group, and a gym
– Community events (beer gardens, 5Ks, music in the park, etc.)
– Rarely say no to social invites
– Asked friends/family if they know anyone
– Tried online dating (some dates, nothing great – I definitely favor meeting people IRL)
– Even dated at work, but despite 1,000+ coworkers, women my age are all seemingly spoken for
Here’s what I think the real problems are:
– Everyone I know is married with kids (I’m divorced with kids). Their social circles are also married with kids, so no one seems to know anyone single. And the singles that I find out about and ask about, they flat out tell me in advance not to purse them for one reason or another.
– My hobbies are heavily male dominated, and I’m not going to fake a hobby just to be around women.
– In some ways, I’ve priced myself out of the typical single scene. I go to an expensive gym, nicer bars, and live in a single-family home community. Most of it caters to dual‑income households.
I know it’s not all doom and gloom. I’ve met plenty of women along the way, but they’re almost always married (oddly, some still seek me out and follow me on social media after meeting me), or they’re just not my type. I’ve had (married) women I’ve met reach out later (I’m easy to find online) to connect me with their single friends, but again, while great people, they end up not being quite what I’m looking for. I’m pretty flexible on who I’ll date, but I do want something I know would be real long term.
I like my life and I’m generally happy alone, but it’d be nice to have someone to share it with.
Give me strength to talk to the guy im dating about my relationship goals tonight or tomorrow. We’ve been dating 3.5 months and I haven’t shared what I’m ultimately looking for (it was on the app he met me on but who knows if he read it). We are doing nice things for each other, he’s very sweet, and I feel like I struck gold with him. I love going slowly so I’m glad that we haven’t rushed in to exclusivity yet but I still feel like this convo is necessary.
My bf (3.5 months) is a bit reserved when it comes to vocally expressing his feelings. He has admitted this is hard for him due to growing up in a traditional Asian family where they don’t share much. He is more of an “acts of service” type of person. But last night in the car he put on a song called “I’m in love” and said to me “I’ve been really getting into this song lately.” And then played it again and said something like “yeah I’m really feeling this song”
Can’t tell if he’s testing the waters trying to warm up saying I love you for the first time or not, but I’m definitely not gonna push him to say it and tbh, I want him to just come out and say it for real, when he’s ready
I also didn’t say anything because he could very well just like the song and I don’t wanna mis interpret a casual comment as holding more significance than it was meant to 🤣😅
Great article about why talking to strangers is important.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/24/stranger-secret-how-to-talk-to-anyone-why-you-should
Opened Bumble today, went to my “Recommended for you” tab – found a woman who is beyond cute and had a great profile, got excited to send a like…she lives in Montreal (I’m in Colorado) but is 10 miles away temporarily.
Man I kind of get why Bumble and Tinder use current location but Hinge’s model of using home location for geo settings is just so much better to me.
Date #3 with sports club friend-turned-romantic interest is today. Things are feeling real nice. I’m kind of perplexed at the best rate to take things, as I want to go slow in general but we were also friends for a few months before our first date on Valentine’s.
No update, except to say so much instagram dating advice drives me mad. “He fumbled you”, – did he? Or did we just want different things? “He doesn’t have what it takes to be your man” – or had he just been honest about what he wants? Or he’s just not that attracted? Trust me I don’t like being rejected but aren’t we grown up enough to cope without the coddling and pandering?
So much of it just plays to people’s egos and insecurities and it just leaves me very grateful that I have friends who don’t resort to banalities when I talk about what I find hard about dating/rejection. Because the algorithm is not giving this week!
35 and have had no luck in forever with anyone.
Matched with someone on hinge a couple weeks ago and hit it off, we had a lovely text conversation over the first week or so, I asked her out, she said yes and we then kept the conversation going, with date planning details spread out in-between other messages.
The day before, she just shuts it down and sends me a “I don’t think I can do this, it’s not you it’s me” message.
It’s not like I’m really anywhere different to where I was two weeks ago, but now I feel like complete shit, like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel
I mean I don’t even know if she was real. More than anything, as I’ve not even had a date for so many years and have felt perfectly happy being single, I didn’t think it would affect me like this, but it’s crushed me.
Realizing you are actually in no position to date anyone mentally and financially but still cripplingly lonely.
Talking to someone for two weeks instead of meeting sooner. Get a message saying ‘it was great talking to you, but Im going to pursue other matches’
Over a year and hundreds of matches that lead nowhere. Is that just how it is for guys?
Is a $60 gift too much? We’ve been dating for 3 weeks and had 5 dates so far. Her biggest love language is gift giving. She did something really sweet for me for free(she would normally charge for). I want to return the favour.
First date last night. We originally matched at the start of January but didn’t talk because I was away for a month. While I was on holidays he messaged me something funny and the banter was really good, so we kept chatting and finally met up for drinks yesterday.
I was a little nervous (normal first-date stuff), but it ended up being great. We talked for four hours and hugged at the end. I left feeling like it went well.
I haven’t heard from him today though. I usually prefer to let the guy reach out after a first date, but I’m wondering if that’s just pride getting in the way. Would it be reasonable to send a quick “I had a great time” message, or should I wait and see if he follows up?
It’s so difficult to hold firm about wanting a relationship when I match with someone who’s only looking for a FWB. Especially when the conversation was going super well and his pics make him seem like a super interesting guy I’d like to get to know.
But I know it’s for the best for both of us to not pursue anything… I’d just be sad when it inevitably didn’t turn into anything more. Sigh. I’ll just wait another two weeks for another match that won’t work out… at least the weather is gorgeous lol
Third date with 38M tomorrow. Had a great 8 hours second date last Saturday. I’m so excited, and nervous. I am always nervous. But he texted that he’s looking forward to seeing me again ☺️ i don’t wanna get my hopes up way too high, but I am feeling really great about this right now. I instantly smile when I see he has texted me. Oh my god. The chemistry is great, and he’s really cute. I feel too old to be this giddy, but stuff like this rarely happens to me. I’m a career lady at work, who goes home to an empty house, and sit by myself at night (or hang with friends, I’m not a recluse). But, I don’t know. This feels different. This feels good.
I’ll save getting “pig butchered” experiment for later 😀
Yesterday I went to a networking event that a colleague sent me. Her boyfriend and *his* colleague (both work for a direct competitor 🤦♂️) were there. That colleague turned out to be a really nice woman and the three of us basically “networked” together the entire time and mostly ignored the strangers. A bit of work but mostly vacations, travel, expat experience, etc. No clear flirting as we were in a somewhat-professional environment of course, but we were having a very engaged conversation the whole time and she touched me a few times.
Unfortunately since it was the three of us talking the whole time, I didn’t really think of a good reason to exchange contacts before we had to leave. I wouldn’t really want to ask her on a date immediately, but it’d be great to to meet up again somehow. Of course my cowroker knows her as does her boyfriend, and I see them sometimes, but I don’t really havea good excuse to invite *her* to anything as well. Any ideas how to engineer something?
Started talking to this woman the other day. Because of our schedules we aren’t able to go out for a couple weeks. How often are y’all talking to someone in a situation like this?
I was down from seeing 5 people and now I’m down to 1. I’ll probably add someone else into the rotation. But I will share the happenings of the last month or so:
1. We went on two dates. He was nice enough on the dates but made some weird comments over text that turned me off. He also assumed I was lying about locking my keys in my car before a date, and that I just didn’t want to come to his place. I ended things with him. We didn’t kiss or even hold hands.
2. A girl my friend hooked me up with. I took her to a really nice dinner to get to know her. She was super sweet but it turns out she’s looking for a poly friendly relationship. I’m not poly. Tried it and it’s not my cup of tea. We didn’t kiss or hold hands.
3. I met a guy through an event my friend put together. I was attracted to him immediately. Unfortunately he works with my friend(they actually found this information out the day I met him) and so I planned to just be friends. Unfortunately(actually fortunately) we ended up at the same event on Valentine’s Day. It was at a club. We were dancing together and he kissed me and the chemistry was so good. Chatted with friend after who gave me their blessing. We’ve since been out again and have another date coming up. I really got to know him on a deeper level during our second date and he’s a great guy. I like him the most but I’m taking things slow.
4. I went on two dates with this guy. Great guy although he seems like he is really busy. I too am busy but really felt like I was on his schedule. We share some of the same values and could talk a bunch. But he just got laid off and I know he’s going to need to focus on job hunting. I’ve dated several people who were laid off or quit their job while we were dating which always resulted in some strain. It’s way too early for me to emotionally or finally support someone else in that way. Not saying he would expect me to do that – he is very level headed. I don’t think I’m going to see him for a while or maybe not again. We have just held hands.
5. Wow this was a mess. Was talking to this guy for weeks and we had so much in common. I was really looking forward to our date. He took me to a nice restaurant but he was wearing a beanie inside. I get he is probably balding and insecure about it but guys wearing beanies in a formal setting just turns me off. In addition he talked to me the whole time about how most of his friends are strippers and how he has a problem with a ton of doormen/bouncers at places I frequent.
So yeah very eventful! All chill though. I haven’t been super disappointing. All good people but just people I wouldn’t date at this stage in my life.
M32, my fwb (f28) got caught having an affair with a married guy… a guy who i happen to be friends with/worked with.
So me and the other guy work for the same entity. My fwb works for a different entity but we all worked in the same building at one point a few years ago. I never saw her when i worked there tbh. I got promoted a couple years ago and now im at different office.
The married guy (m42) and i are friendly also he was kinda a mentor to me although personally i always knew hes untrustworthy. Charming guy though.
So the married guy quit kinda suddenly and i met my fwb around the same time. We had been hooking up for a couple weeks when i heard a rumor that he got caught having sex with her at the office and HR was involved.
I dont really feel any type of way about it. She actually came clean about it the other day although she left out major details. She told me she got caught having a relationship with a married man and that hr was involved and she might lose her job. She left out who it was.
I dont blame her for leaving it out. She probably doesn’t know how I’d react because she knows me and the married guy were friends but i dont want her to have to feel guilty or anything about it. I’m wondering if i should tell her i know or let her come clean on her own. Either way i have no negative feelings about it. Shes really stressed out over the whole situation and I’d like to relieve her in any way.
So I didn’t listen to the advice and I replied today to his message from yesterday asking if we could at least have a call. I replied “yes, okay”. Guess what, he never replied or called me. So yeah, now I am even more hurt.
(For the context he sent that message yesterday in response to my breakup message – and I sent a breakup message coz he basically went pulling away / ghosting, just replying to my texts with a few words, not asking a thing, not even agreeing for me to pass by; all with the context of him feeling extremely mentally unwell and apparently as I learned yesterday – relapsing into his weed addiction of which he was clean for 2 years with the exception of some previous relapse.) and apparently he relapsed because of my reaction to his hurtful words + regret of saying those hurtful things to me. He was diagnosed with BPD and in the past was hospitalized for a few months in a psychiatric hospital.
I feel so extremely hurt and so extremely sad. I still cannot wrap my head around this sweet man to disappear on me like this and push me away in this way. Apparently according to him he doesn’t even realize what he is doing as he has been stoned for almost past two weeks and some days missed work? I have tried weed just a few times in my life like 5 maximum and only once it made me high and gave me headache. I have no idea, is it even possible that weed make someone not know what they are doing? It sounds so impossible to me. Which is not an excuse in any case but I guess I feel so bad for him I am trying even to understand what this all was … I am so confused.
Adding a hopefully amusing thing that’s happening tomorrow:
A male coworker lost a bet.
He now has to get frosted tips.
I am doing said frosted tips tomorrow, for an audience, party style. I am an amateur colorist, to say the least.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
The bf is attending and hopefully it will be a blast.
Additional fun fact: Coworker is a wee babe of 24 yrs and did not *actually* know how bad frosted tips were. I promised I’d do my best to make them look more modern….but….you lost the bet! I’m torn between being spicy or nice.
Does the friendzone really exist?
To quote Megan Moroney and Ed Sheeran:
I only miss you when I’m breathing, and my face is far from blue
I only miss you when it’s raining but this downpour outside ain’t nothing new
I only miss you when I’m lonely and these days I’m barely getting by
I only miss you when I’m drinking, and baby, I’ve been drinking cause I miss you all the time.
I’ve finally gotten the opportunity to reconnect with “the girl who got away”!
There’s a girl named Emily who I met in my freshman year of college. We were both music majors, and she always partnered with me when we had group assignments. Back then, I was extremely socially awkward and shy (still am), and college was stressing me out big time, so dating was kind of off the table, and I transferred schools after that year, so I never saw her again. However, looking back, I realized she’s my type (with personality, looks, and interests), and there were several signs of attraction from her that I missed. Out of all the women I’ve met in my life, she’s been the one I’ve kicked myself the most for not pursuing a relationship with.
Well, lo and behold, I went see a local community band concert yesterday, and Emily was playing in it. We both recognized each other and talked for a while after the concert, and she was telling others how talented of a musician I am and encouraged me to join, which I will (not just for her, but the band also genuinely sounds a lot better than the one I’m currently in). I didn’t show much romantic interest yet, since I don’t want to be pushy, and I don’t even know if she’s single (we’re both 30). I’ll see her again this week for my first rehearsal with this group.
Any advice moving forward for a very shy and socially awkward guy?
Ok. I am sorry for spamming here. I am just doing unwell coz of the breakup.
So I just made a little recap in my head about all my relationships. And I am very aware that I am putting myself into troubles all the time. I cannot complain about men being this or that. Coz no, I go and pick exactly these men who hurt and crush me in the end.
So my first love (one sided): my classmate who literally told me he is sure he has mental issues.
My first bf: broke up with me saying it’s coz I don’t want to move with him to Afghanistan (for the record: he never even went there)
My second bf: “love of my life” – the guy who told me he is either a narcissist or a psychopath at the very beginning (which I was thinking “hahah yes of course, is he trying to impress my in a weirdo way?). The first 6 months were a fairytale, the rest 1,5 years a total hell of up and down, I am sure he was a narcissist or something, my ex therapist gave up on working with me coz she said I have no issues besides of not breaking up with him and that he needs to take meds coz something is very wrong.
Third bf: almost died out of boredom. Didn’t know it’s possible to be bored coz never bored on my own. Well, also a very bad bf who couldn’t care less.
Fourth bf: a conman who tricked me financially, sexually violated, and I discovered later was presumably involved with some let’s say dangerous groups in Middle East. Couldn’t have known, coz is still a locally known journalist.
And now this guy who told me about his BPD and past addiction (which apparently is not that past one).
So yeah, I am the only person to blame in all this mess I made out of my romantic life. And I don’t think recommending therapy could help. I did, usually they just said I am doing ok. But clearly I have a huge issue. Both with falling for wrong people and not being able to leave once they treat me wrong. As a friend, I feel it’s easy for me not to get mistreated. I just cut off such friendships, and overall actually super lucky to have and keep making friends with great people.
Struggling hard with breakup plans. I feel like this is not going anywhere, approaching 2 year mark and I’m not as committed as id like, there are a lot of incompatible problems being swept under the rug which isnt a problem for her, but for me it is, values, hobbies, general curiosity of life. I’ve been thinking about ending it for a long time but Im terrified what comes next. And also the pain i will cause her.
37 years old and by this age you should be sure. Have it figured out etc. I terrified starting over again and i cant just accept that relationship and children maybe wont be in the books for me if i let this go. Im so ashamed of myself for not being normal like 95% of people around me.
My biggest fear is to be alone and childless, which is funny since its exactly that way my life is turning out..
I made it to the “end” of Hinge. So I guess there is officially no one I’m interested in who is interested in me 😂 And I’m in one of the 20 largest cities in the US, so there are *plenty* of fish in this sea, just not for me. (Unintentional rhyme lol)
Had a chat with my boyfriend today after I said I think our relationship ran its course since he hasn’t been very communicative, and essentially flipped on me from a pretty damn wonderful human to an awkward person that barely replies to my texts and cancels meet ups over the last two weeks. I said it’s all fine if he got way in his head over this getting more serious/deep/emotional than he is able to handle right now, but he has to communicate since I deserve better, and won’t let anyone treat me this way.
He came over because I asked him to come collect the things he left at mine, we had a chat, and now we’re thinking about this and we’ll reconvene next week for final decisions if this has a chance.
I said I’m willing to keep dating if he never does this again, and if he needs anything in the future, time, space, privacy, whatever, he needs to talk to me before, and not after I start thinking I’m going crazy. I’m also happy to walk away if he doesn’t and I won’t date him again in the future if he changes his mind, when I’m done I’m done.
He needs to decide if he’s able to be present enough to actually talk and be vulnerable without running from me.
This is the first time he’s been anything other than wonderful, which is why it’s such a weird whiplash. We’ve only been dating for 3 months, so two weeks is a significant amount of time to be treated in a way that confuses me. I like him so damn much, but can’t accept my feelings not being taken into consideration.
We’ve been so good together though. It’s been fun, exciting, easy, sex was phenomenal, we talked all the damn time, it was so wonderful. He’s such a cool person, he’s so much better than this.
While I do understand where it stems from and know enough about his past to know this makes sense with his history and psychology, I still can’t excuse bad behaviour. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me, it’s that simple.
I had a chat about this in the last few days with one of my besties, who is a wonderful friend but is potentially the most toxic person I’ve ever met when it comes to relationships. I had to argue (!) with her over why it’s not ok that someone doesn’t treat well, and is behaving like a dick, and why I am fully justified in wanting to end things over it. Lady, how dare you argue with me I need to take this and he’s just going through stuff?! fucking hell! Best part is that when I said all that he said I was totally right and he agreed with everything I said, and is deeply sorry. Ugh. Next week will be interesting.
Send me thoughts and prayers I guess.
Just checking in, how are we feeling today internet friends?
I’m enjoying getting to know several people at once and feel free from the expectations of any single one of them becoming serious. I wish I had dated like this years ago and saved myself so much heartache and the struggle of being myself with someone I may seriously date.
Secondly, the good men out there that are kind and considerate in even casual dating have really helped heal my soul. 💜🙏🏻 Today, I’m feeling happy and grateful.
My mood went from *alright* to *fully gloomy* tonight… I know ending things with my FWB was the best decision, but I guess I miss the little sparks you get when you text someone, see them etc. The good thing I guess is that I know I miss these parts, but I don’t miss “him”. I reopened Tinder, but I think it’s even more depressing haha so I’ll probably leave it alone for now
Trying to stop torturing myself emotionally, but it hurts deliciously
I thought I was over the dating apps, but unsnoozed bumble and unbelievably have matched with someone who I actually think is cute and seems to share my values. But he’s quite an effusive texter and I’ve been burned before by over texting. Am I right to be cautious or should I lean into the part of me that’s feeling cautiously hopeful for the first time in three years?