I’m noticing a pattern and it’s making me cringe at myself, but i dont know how to fix it. When i go on a date with someone i actually like, i slip into this mode where i’m basically hosting a show. I ask good questions, i keep the conversation moving, i make jokes, i do the polite eye contact, i’m attentive, all the stuff. And the date usually goes “well” on paper. But after, i feel weirdly empty, like i wasn’t there. Like i was playing the role of “fun person to date” instead of just being a person. Then i get home and realize i never said anything real about me, or i avoided anything that could be slightly awkward. I don’t lie, i just keep it surface level and smooth. And then i’m surprised when the connection doesn’t deepen, even if we keep seeing each other. I think this started because i used to be anxious and the way i coped was overpreparing, like i’d plan topics in my head, read advice threads, watch “how to flirt” videos, all that. Now it’s automatic. I can feel myself doing it in the moment and i still can’t stop. It’s like i’m scared if there’s a quiet pause, or if i admit i’m nervous, they’ll think the date is bad.
Has anyone dealt with this, how do you switch from “doing dating correctly” to actually letting someone get to know you? What’s a small thing i can try on the next date that won’t feel like jumping off a cliff?