What to do with my family?š©
(English is not my first language so sorry for any typos)
People itās about
Me 29F
Older Brother 30M
Younger sister 27F
Sister in law 28F (been with my brother since 2014)
Mom 49F
I have a complicated relationship with my family. I have two siblings with whom I share both parents. None of us have any contact with our biological father. And our mother is complicated to put it nicely.
So Iām the middle child and the black sheep of my family or scapegoat when necessary.
My brother is married to my SIL. So with all of the necessary info out of the way, hereās my problem.
I got pregnant at the end of 2023 and had my baby in August 2024. And in April 2024, I had a big scare when I had an amniotic fluid leak, and it was so bad that the hospital where I live didnāt have the equipment to handle a premature baby like that, so I had to be transferred by hospital plane to another city for treatment to make sure my baby didnāt come at 20 weeks.
And I asked my SIL to feed my cats and take care of their toilets (both indoor cats at that moment). However, my male cat didnāt accept my female cat, so I had to have them separated at all times because my male cat is so much bigger than my female cat, and I had tried to let them work it out on their own, but he has fractured her spine twice, and my vet told me I canāt let them work it out on their own anymore because she refuses to back down, and so does he. And I told this to my SIL when I asked if she could look after them. She said yes and that she would be careful with them.
But then I get a picture from my sister of my male cat in the room my female cat is in, which sends me into a panic mode when Iām supposed to be relaxing and calm to make sure my baby isnāt born at 20 weeks. So from my perspective, my SIL took my sister along with her and did the one thing she was told not to do. And just to make it worse, she sent me a picture of it. And they ( SIL and sister) are angry at me for panicking when I got the picture.
I have tried taking to my sister afterwards but she is still angry at me and I donāt see the point in taking to my SIL since I just wanna yell at her for what she did. But in all off this my sister, brother and SIL also cut contact with my mom. I donāt know why but itās non off my business and I donāt want to interfere there.
When my son was born I sendt a messenger message to my sister and brother about it with pictures of my baby. My sister answered with a š and my brother didnāt answer at all. Then in desember I tried reaching out to my brother about Christmas presents and our familyās christening dress. My brother and SIL had it since their boy was christened in 2020. It took them 3 months to give it to me. Not that it matters much because me and my fiancĆ© what to focus on saving for a house as soon as possible since we are renting a 1 bedroom apartment with a baby, two huskies and two cats so not much space here witch is why we are hyper focused on saving for that house. But my mom was nagging me about the christening dress so I kept asking for it til I got it.
And after I got it my brother deleted his social media and my sister blocked me on snapchat. Then my mom wanted to go to professional mediation with my brother and SIL and it lasted a few months. They arenāt allowed to talk about what was said in those meetings so I never asked.
But now about 1 year later my mom tells me she have given my brother and SIL blame for why my son isnāt christened and she also sendt my sister an E-mail telling her about a secret I knew and said my mom was not allowed to use against them. I was stupid and angry when I told my mom this secret and I do regret telling her but with all the hormones after birth and breastfeeding my boy I didnāt think clearly when I got mad over something my sister said to my stepdad on messenger. But my mom still decided to use this information in order to get my sister talking to her again
Because my brother is her favorite child and my sister have been her youngest that can do no wrong for so long she would Sacrifice me in a heartbeat too get them back. So here I am in all off this being used like a pawn that are only useful til she gets what she wants and then Iām going back to being ignored by her. (This has been the pattern my whole life)
But I canāt confront her either at the moment because me and my fiance have asked if she and my stepdad can be guarantor for us when we buy a house witch with all our saving and paying down credit debet we will qualify in May this year and with a 18 month old how needs his own bedroom and animals that need more space we canāt afford to loose my mom and stepdad as guarantors. So I just have to sit here and take it when my mom turn my siblings against me more and more and I canāt say anything to them either because I know they will use it to hurt her if they can. So I donāt know what to do. Any suggestions?
I do miss my siblings a lot but the way things are now I donāt see how I can have contact with them and I still havenāt forgiven my SIL for what she did. And sheās the type of woman that canāt ever do anything wrong, doesnāt matter if she is actual wrong or not she is never wrong and I canāt deal with that when itās about my babyās life
Another thing to mention is that the pregnancy affected my liver a lot, so I have had a bit of health problems because of this and been in and out of the hospital, taking blood every other day for several months, and having CT, MRI, and ultrasound of my liver and so on, before finally finding out what medication to use, so I spent 17 months as a new mum and chronically ill because of my liver. So I havenāt had any energy to deal with my family problems until I started taking the medication last month. And this is information my siblings donāt know about.
TL;DR:
Family Relationships
The author is 29 years old and the middle child of three siblings, with a complicated relationship with the family. She describes herself as the scapegoat, while the siblings are often favored by the mother. The family has no contact with the biological father, and the mother is perceived as manipulative. The brother is married, and the sister-in-law has been part of the family since 2014. The relationship with the siblings has broken down; the sister has blocked her on social media, while the brother has withdrawn.
Pregnancy and Health
In 2024, she had a son after a difficult pregnancy with complications. She experienced amniotic fluid leakage in April 2024 and was admitted to a hospital in another city. The pregnancy affected her liver, and she had to undergo extensive examinations and treatments with blood tests, CT, MRI, and ultrasound. After several months, she found the right medication and her health improved, but she had low energy for a long time. At the same time, she cared for two huskies and two cats, with the cats needing to be kept separated because the male had injured the female several times.
Conflicts
During the hospital stay, she asked her sister-in-law to take care of the cats. A mistake led to the cats being let together, which caused panic and escalated the conflicts with her sister and sister-in-law. After the birth of her son, the family conflicts intensified, particularly concerning the christening gown, Christmas gifts, and secrets that the mother used to manipulate the siblings. The feeling of being a tool for her mother, combined with the need for her mother and stepfather to act as guarantors for a home purchase, prevents the author from confronting the situation now. She misses her siblings but prioritizes her child and a stable living situation while managing illness and a demanding everyday life.