My partner(24M) pretended to be dead as a bit for far to long and got defensive when I (23NB) panicked and asked for an explanation.
So my partner and I had a great night yesterday
we went to a yoga class and went to a coffee shop got some work done came home and I asked if he wanted to take a bath with me, he said yes so we did, and everything was fine until I said I was ready to get out and he agreed.
I turned off the water and started getting out and he said to me “I normally like to let the water drain and pretend to be a dead fish” like as a bit. so I was like okay live your truth king, and proceeded to get out of the bath and put on clothes and do my skincare and whatnot. I’m still talking to him while walking in and out of the bathroom where he is and getting no response which makes me a bit annoyed, so I walked back into the bathroom and I said a joke and he was still unresponsive so I started nervously laughing because the bath is almost fully drained and my boyfriend is completely naked and wet and unresponsive, like arms curled up and facing the ceiling and eyes wide open.
I tell him firmly to stop and that he’s scaring me and he still doesnt move. I get closer to him and lean down and feel his neck, which was hot from hin holding his breath and his eyes looked unfocused.
I panicked and stood up in a panic and yelled “get the fuck up”. He got up said he was sorry, and became silent and left the room quickly. I collapsed to my hands and knees on the bathroom rug, just processing what happened.
I was in full panic mode and just in shock, because for a moment it seemed like I just found my partner lying naked wet and dead.
While Im trying to process this, he calls me into the bedroom and says he stepped on a piece of glass and that I need to bring tweezers. I get up to help the room is spinning, and my vision is blurred but I grab the tweezers and hydrogen peroxide to go help him anyways.
I went into the bedroom to find him sitting on my bed with just a towel and a piece of glass stuck in his foot. I was able to pull out the glass and bandage his foot even though my hands were shaking from the shock of everything. After I finished, he just got up, got dressed and sat on my bed to watch the show we were watching.
I lay on the ground and contemplate because I at this point am scared. I worked up the courage to ask him WHAT the motive was for that bit. He says he was sorry it was just a bad bit and it was wrong. I kept asking like what the outcome of that he was looking for, or if that joke would be funny for someone that isn’t me. We argued because he just shut down but I continued to panic and ask about his thought process about that “bit”.
He ended up not telling me anything else but, bringing up something I did that scared him a week ago (that he never brought up to me prior to this) which i immediately explained my reasoning and he understood. I made clear that that an invalid response to my question and panic about this “bit”, and he cannot justify his bad/scary behavior by using something that he never brought up to me as an issue to try and turn the tables. i feel he just refuses to actually internally take accountability or care about how it affected me.
I still cant unsee what I saw. nothing is resolved. I am in utter shock, mostly because of the image in my brain I cant get rid of but also the utter apathy and lack of concern to resolve the situation, but rather his need to defend himself with silence and avoidance. I told him I am scared, I dont know as much about him as I thought and that he should talk to his therapist about this and that I cannot even fathom that this happened and how he dealt with it.
TLDR; My boyfriend pretended to be dead and got upset when I had a panic attack about it