I came over to my bestie’s place to watch the ultimatum together and genuinely, each character had their own piece of me within them and the dialogue shocked me as well as made me realize that what I had with my ex was him choosing to not make me his partner in that moment in order to be more free, less committed, more avoidant-
I genuinely wish him happiness and peace, I just used to feel sick about the fact that I lost my first kiss ever and now have to move forward kissing someone new, which I felt so guilty and terrified of.
I was so loyal to him I felt sick genuinely going on dates with other people.
But he comes back into my life as if he finally has time for me, but he only misses the thing he lost because we were healthy until he got scared of commitment (the exact thing Ultimatum was all about).
And when listening to those conversations when they come back to their orginal partners- I realized that he could be such a better partner for another girl but he will not choose to be a better partner much less choose me.
And it stings so bad but I understand it and that’s not something I can or want to fix for him cause I tried-
I tried really really hard and he still left me.
I want someone I can invite to my life, my celebrations, my growth, etc.- And I know as much as he’s a good person, he wouldn’t show up for me. The only time he’d care is if I get with another person, that’s not healthy.