Hi everyone.
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years, and while he’s a wonderful partner in a lot of ways, one thing remains consistently difficult: he has no emotional regulation and becomes upset with little predictability, and I’ve reached my breaking point.
I love him, but honestly, I find his lack of emotional stability to be a complete turnoff.
I manage 80% of all household work: planning and making meals, caring for the dog, cleaning, laundry, I even pack his lunch for work everyday and lay his work clothes out sometimes.
He works a job that requires long hours, and I work a job with less hours but that requires a lot emotionally. However, I do still expect him to participate in the management of the home, and he often times gets angry when he has to. He’ll sigh, mope, or get snappy when he’s overwhelmed.
It’s led to some pretty big arguments, because he’ll say “I’m not mad at you so why are you taking it personally” but meanwhile, he’s raising his voice, visibly upset, and the entire energy of the house feels different.
We’ve been seeing a couples therapist, and while I like her, it honestly seems like little accountability is handed to him. When we talked about his temper, she basically said I should lean into his anger with him and know it’s not about me. While I agree I could work on how I take his anger, I still think he needs some emotional regulation and that’s not addressed in sessions.
I feel really lost because I love my partner, but I’m honestly not sure how much more I can do this. It’s so difficult to experience any happiness because sometimes it seems like when I’m happy, he gets angrier and will choose then to lose his temper.
I love him, but I just feel so discouraged by this dynamic.