I (27M) dated 35F about a year ago & it's been on my mind what transpired ever since. I just wonder if it just was a mismatch with a "spark" or I was a little bit intense.
We met at a social event & we exchanged numbers. I decided to ask her out & she agreed. We went to a buffet & really hit it off, we talked for literal hours. Even when we had arrived back at her place to drop her off we decided to go for a walk around her neighborhood for a little while & when again I was getting ready to say goodbye we ended up at a coffee shop instead. In the end we talked about 6 hours in all.
Obviously we decided to go on a couple more subsequent dates & those were pretty great too, talked about all matter of subjects; what we want in a relationship, what we're looking for in a life partner & all that good stuff.
On the surface it seemed great, so what went wrong?
She had said from the beginning that she wanted to take things slowly, she had recently ended another long-term relationship with someone else a few months ago (it lasted 5 years) & she wasn't quite looking for a serious relationship but was willing to give it a shot (in hindsight this should've been a red flag, but she seemed great so I disregarded it), she just wanted to take things slow. No problem on my end, she was very sweet, courteous & when I hugged her for the first time I definitely felt a strong emotional connection.
The thing is, I didn't realize this would mean she would be unwilling to allow me to help her. It wasn't anything crazy, relatively small things, helping her clean, sort out problems with her car, lending her things (cleaning supplies, tools, etc), relatively harmless things. She rejected it all in the guise that it was too soon & we're in a very early stage of the relationship. Which I guess was valid, however, between that & being unable to text or see each other regularly (our dates were spread out over several weeks) bc of her busy work life it put a strain on my side.
I believe I could've also managed things better, but I just felt like I wasn't getting what I needed & I guess from her side I was overly eager & "too much".
I guess an outside perspective on this would help me analyze this from other viewpoints that I may have failed to also consider.
Some other context:
She had gone through many relatively short & meaningless relationships. By her own description they were a drag on her & hardly contributed toward the relationship & In some cases she felt disrespected. She had said at the time that I fit the description of what she had always been telling herself she wanted but never pursued.
We almost hooked up on our second date, but I kept it from happening to respect her wish to wait & take things slow. I felt the most connected to her on that second date but seemingly that's where things started to go downhill.
It felt as if she wouldn't let herself go & allow me to care or love for her.