This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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30 comments

  1. Got a possible date this Sunday with a girl is matched with on Tinder. I dont find her that physically attractive but she seems to be a nice person from chat. Always inquisitive about me. I dont think I’d pursue something long term with her. Maybe something casual. Am I in the wrong for that? Should I just tell her on the date that im only seeking something casual?  

  2. Was on a date and the topic of what kind of partners we’re looking for came up…. I shared my take (modern/feminist, equal initiation of dates, mutual pursuit of each other) and they were basically like “that’s valid but [proceeds to disagree with everything]” for what they’re looking for. Then kind of enthusiastically texted me for a second date before I even made it home? I’m confused lol

  3. I’m PMSing hard today and trying to avoid people. I feel like a mole person. Have some social stuff this evening that I can’t get out of but we’re going stealth mode, like I only barely want to be perceived, pretend I’m a Skyrim background NPC eating a sweetroll or something PLEASE

  4. After six weeks of dating a man I met on Hinge, we made it official and for the first time in my life I got to experience what they meant by the app meant to be deleted. 🥰🥰

  5. After a long dry spell and a bout of seasonal depression it feels like my dating life finally has life again. I’ve gotten a couple of matches with women who I feel I’m really compatible with and had a great first date that didnt end with me getting ghosted. Looking forward to a strong 2026

  6. I’m still operating under rage and spite and I’m surprised with how motivated I am to fix some aspects of my life like looking for a better paying job and fixing my career. I don’t even need coffee to stay awake

    And just a mini rant with the spite talking: if I hear “just be yourself, you’ll eventually find someone” or any variants one more time, I’m legit gonna crash out HOLY. I’d rather be stabbed and shot on the gut than to hear those words at this point

  7. I really don’t know who to talk to about this. But I am finally in a relationship and he committed quickly. He is the sweetest and so thoughtful. However I don’t think he’s for me. I’m not head over heels for him but he is really into me and said that I am his dream person. I don’t feel that he is mine. Emotionally and mentally he checks all the right boxes. I am stuck between thinking that my last relationship actually jaded me so bad that I want nothing to do with men or I just don’t find him to be physically my type. Idk what to think or do.

  8. I went on my first date ever, or so I thought. I have this 26 Y/O Woman who I have been friends with for years. I have always thought she is really pretty, but she is the definition of a walking red flag to date. She is on her second pregnancy (close to 8 months) with a different guy than the last, and she broke up with the new guy I think right when she got pregnant. She lives with her Mom along with her first babies father – dont ask me why.. She has always hopped around men never really remaining single for to long, and has spoken to me about how it is difficult for her to be alone, and how lonely she gets just being without a boyfriend. She knows I have been attempting on the dating apps myself for the past 1-2 years now with no avail. She told me she was trying on Bumble also, and I felt she was giving me a hint. A part of me really wanted to ask her out, but a bigger part of me knows she’s pretty fickle with men, and unless she shows some genuine interest in actually getting to know me I don’t want to jump in to anything formal. Even the fact she is attempting to date while still pregnant is a bit of a turn off to me. To try to smoothen things over I told her if I find her on Bumble I will match her. My hope was if I showed even a little bit of interest maybe that could one day turn into a reciprocal interest back to me as even with someone with a lot of what I would call flaws, that is kind of always what I wanted – someone who is genuinely interested in me. We have always been friends, but she has never showed any real interest in me besides a couple times while she was drunk, and I felt pretty turned off by that fact as it was only physical. We dont talk much at all about intimate stuff, and maybe even through messenger it would be a way to start.

    Well, the next day she messaged me that she is off work and bored / wants to do something. I told her to come over and hangout, and we can go out and hike, get some food and stuff. Although we are friends, we don’t really ever duo go out like that. We had a nice hike for a couple hours, but I noticed as usual she would not ask any question about me and my life. I tried to ask more intimate questions than I normally do. I took her out to a nicer Mexican restaurant and bought her food. While at the restaurant she still never asked me any questions, and near the end she brought up how she wants to get the one diners phone number lol. She than proceeded to download bumble and start going through swipes. I was a bit taken aback, but clearly read the room a little wrong. I still enjoyed my time with her and at both spots, and after getting food we went back to my place and I watched her swipe through different guys/gals. I got some really good info. seeing bumble from the other side. She got 50 likes in the one hour she downloaded it! I am 1-2 years in Bumble and have gotten a grand total of 4 likes.

    So I kind of assumed this was a “date” even though we never said we are dating or going out. Sorry if I am totally wrong here – I have like no experience dating or with women. Do you need to formally state you are “dating” or “going out” now a days to be going out? Could us just being friends from the past make that automatically not count? Is it a little weird she started talking about other people in front of me like that and than literally downloaded bumble, or am I just having emotional / attachment issues with a friend that I am balancing back and forth as potential person to date?

    Thanks everyone!

  9. I’m seeing a girl and it’s serious, (dating for about 2 months recently exclusive) but she needs her alone time and is quite happy to only see me on Saturdays. I’ve had this in previous relationships and I hate it, as it means I cant see my friends or family on the weekends. If I do, I won’t see my date for 2 weeks.. She works in a restaurant, so works nights including all day Friday, Sunday and Monday.

    I work a 9-5 office job so feel I have a lot of free time to see my partner. I want to see her at least twice a week. My ex was the same as my new date, happy to see me only on Saturdays. Is this the reality of dating over 30, or are there people out there with free evenings to want to see their partner as often as possible? 

    I honestly don’t even know how you can work on your sex life if you only see someone once a week. It’s a new relationship, surely you should not be able to let them out of your sight?

    I was a bit disappointed on valentines day. We went out for lunch, I had to drag her back to mine before we went to IKEA. I wanted her to come to mine because I had bought her flowers and chocolates, and made her a card. She appreciated the gift, but then said she would like to go home after IKEA. 

    At this point I honestly wanted to cry. 

    We’ve talked about it and she explicitly asked me if it was okay if we only saw each other once a week. I know she needs space so I agreed, but after valentines, I’m really wondering if there are people out there like me? Should I make a bigger deal out of this when searching for a partner in the future?

    I keep myself busy on the evenings. I go to the gym most nights, socialise, band practise, really try and get out of the house, but I feel like I’m single a lot of the time.

    Any advice / thoughts / opinions?

    When we’re together, I’m so happy. We have a great time. But it’s not enough for me to build a connection. 

    We do text constantly and I try and video call every night, but it’s not really what I was looking for.

  10. I just need to ramble but if anyone has success or failure stories along the same line, I wouldn’t mind hearing other experiences.

    I don’t believe in stellar woo woo stuff like manifesting…but I seem to have manifested my latest failed match into texting me again. We matched in December, quickly realized he had a dealbreaker that he accepted as a rejection, then a couple weeks later I wished him a happy new year because I he was still on my mind in a nagging way. I’ll admit I sent that text with the intention to make it clear that I didn’t have hostile feelings toward him for the dealbreaker thing so he would feel comfortable reaching out in the future without me being like “WTF, I already told you no.” Fast forward 1.5 months, he touches base again.

    Everything going on in my head is way too scattered to type it here but I basically haven’t been able to easily let go of this one after the non-starter came up on day 2-3 of chatting. He’s also fairly recently divorced after a 9-year marriage and I didn’t ask if he’s dated anyone since then, which might make me the rebound.

    Just these two things have led to me passing on other incompatible matches in the past and forgetting about them very quickly, but for some reason this guy is sticking. I’m having trouble deciding if it’s just because I haven’t had any other promising matches and am clinging onto him out of desperation, or a subconscious part of my brain is screaming about not letting go of a seemingly solid dude who’s genuinely curious about me and is on an active self-growth path with therapy and mindful dating as he moves past his divorce.

    I’ve also been taking in a lot of dating advice in the vein of “don’t write people off too early, etc.” but that’s in conflict with “don’t go into dating someone expecting them to change certain habits.” Also on top of that, I think I’ve been single for so long that I’m more fearful of re-learning how to share my life again because I don’t remember how to anymore. I realize I shouldn’t be jumping ahead like that and it’s luckily been easy for me to remind myself “one day at a damn time…and you haven’t even met this guy.”

    I guess I’m wondering if I should break out of the crazy person walls in my head and just ask the dude out to see how it feels in person instead of self-sabotaging it. I’m seriously looking for a LTR but at worst, he might be the only prospect for safe, respectful casual dick in my life atm.

  12. met someone in person over the holidays and only recently started becoming confused about their behavior.

    some context, we don’t live in the same city (about 4 hours apart), and the question of whether they’re looking for a serious relationship or can do a LDR hasn’t come up yet, only because i didn’t want to pressure things too soon.

    back to the start: over the holidays, we met and hung out in person for several days; emotional, romantic, and sexual chemistry was very high, and the connection was EASY. i like many things about them, and i believe the feeling is mutual. they leave to go back home, we maintained good communication. i visit them after a few weeks, and we hung out for a couple days. everything seemed normal and fine. i leave the country altogether for an emergency trip and the communication dropped, at first i thought because they wanted to give me space for travel. it’s been three weeks since and we only connected once (exactly a week ago after i initiated a check in).

    i’ve become confused because it feels easy for me to trust and believe they’re genuine when in-person, and they also always respond to my texts warmly and fairly quickly, but now im doubtful because of the communication drop and not sure what to do. is it healthier to reach out again for explicit clarity or let this go?

  13. Still annoyed that the guy I’m dating didn’t acknowledge Valentine’s Day or all the plans I prepared for us (I got sick the day of and had to cancel). We dated last year and he didn’t acknowledge it then. I told him I was hurt. He said he’d make it up to me. He didn’t. About two months later we broke up because we wanted different things (him casual, me serious).

    He came back last month and asked to start dating seriously. I agreed. We live in an area surrounded by ICE. We’ve been both nervous about being in public, but he’s more vulnerable than me. So I drove to him every time we saw each other. I brought him groceries. I drove him to the grocery store. Multiple times while being scared.

    This weekend he said he’s “uncomfortable” with days like Valentine’s Day, so that’s why he forgot and didn’t acknowledge the day. Even though I reminded him earlier in the week. He apologized. It pisses me off because I was uncomfortable driving across the metro to see him while armed agents roamed our streets. Including on the day of one of the killings. I went out of my way several times to help him.

    I’m upset that I let him back in my life since he clearly hasn’t changed. Trying to figure out how to approach this with him. I’m still sick and we can’t meet in person. It also hurts for me to talk, so either we wait until my throat recovers or text it out.

  14. I want the guy I’m seeing to talk to me more during the day. Or at least seem interested in talking to me. He went from texting me pretty consistently throughout the day, checking in on how my day was going or updating me on what’s going on in his daily life, to pretty much nothing. Leaving me on read/delivered sometimes, or just giving me one word responses. We spend a lot of our free time together. He asks me to come over in the evenings or we make future plans to hang out. I’m trying really hard not to be disappointed about the lack of talking during the day. I know he talks to other people daily, he references them in our conversations or shows me their conversations directly. I’ve mentioned it before and honestly all he said was, talk to me about something I’m interested in. Someone tell me I’m just being a big baby about it.

  15. May I ask for an honest and superficial opinion here: does any women find skinny jeans attractive on men?

  16. Did your physical type evolve as you got more dating experience?

    I’m talking to two guys. I went on a date with the first guy and it was okay. He checked all my boxes on paper. Looks wise, I wasn’t NOT attracted to him. He is a handsome guy. Just  not someone I’d draw out on paper as THE man I’m most into. 

    But then I also connected with another guy. I sent a photo of him to my friend and she noted that he is my type to the capital T in terms of looks. As far as initial check boxes he meets them too. But we havent gone on a date to really see if the deeper values align. 

    I do not have much dating experience. I don’t think its productive or useful for me to narrow down dating to one specific type. But I’m curious on other people’s experiences. As you dated more,  did you find other types **equally** attractive. Or do you have your one most specific type, and just stayed open to others?

  17. I saw my friends for dinner. And I got very surprised! Apparently a friend of mine doesn’t text with her boyfriend of several years daily. I was so sure it’s quite a norm to text daily in a committed relationship…

    What are your experience and expectations in this regard?

  19. I (31M) have never dated. I’ve been on dating apps off an on for a little over 10 years, but outside of a few conversations that fizzled out that’s never gone anywhere. I average 1 like every 2-3 months and a lot of those are outside the geographic/age range I’ve chosen. I’m not particularly smooth or confident in approaching a complete stranger to flirt . I honestly do not know how to get my dating life started. I’m sure there are things I could do to have a better bio or better pictures on my dating app profile to get more matches, but if I knew what those things were I would have done them by now. Any advice on how to improve my chances of matching with someone or a way to get some dating experience under my belt?

  20. Hm. Not sure how I feel today.

    As you know I’ve been abstaining from sex. Today I really had strong urges and really wanted to give it up. Contacted someone, he said sure. I made sure he has condoms. He says he needs to be hornier to have sex with a condom. So no go there.

    Been on hinge and I started talking to someone. He asked if we could have a phone call this evening. It’s the time we agreed to and nothing.

    Sigh. When are things going to change?

  21. Okay finally saw crush on new years day, not satisfied with the interaction but it was not a moment to initiate conversations, I was with clients and he was taking clients around, I’m not sure if we are just going to get stuck at this stage.

  22. Wow, I finally have something to ask in here…

    I’m (M) extremely inexperienced with dating and relationships, but a close friend and his wife have tried to set me up with a friend (F) of theirs.

    We exchanged numbers and had a conversation through text last night. I felt like it was a positive experience that started to taper off toward the end, but did end on a pretty good note.

    So my question is:

    I know that I can come on a bit strong (even among my friends), and I’m making a conscious effort not to get too carried away, especially during the awkward ‘getting-to-know-each-other’ phase of texting before even meeting. I would like to try and get to the point and meet in person, but I don’t want to seem pushy or have the text conversations devolve into 20 questions.

    Is it worth just putting it out there now? Or should I give her some space and reach out every few days and see where things lead?

  23. I’m firing my matchmaker.

    She matched me with a guy, so we have a conversation on thr phone. 90 min into a phone conversation and I just felt no chemistry at all. I didn’t need to see a picture. Just wasn’t attracted to anything he said on the chemistry check. Great on paper. Nice. Just wasn’t getting me intrigued at ALL. A month later, I find him online on a dating app. He’s not bad looking. Lackluster profile and he’s over a half foot shorter than me.

  24. Him: maybe Tuesday?

    Me: Tuesday definitely works!

    Tuesday: 🦗🦗🦗🦗

    I’m just screaming into the internet void. There’s a lot of nuisance I don’t care to put on the internet and part of that is why I didn’t reach out/follow up

  25. Could use some advice.

    SO I’m starting a certificate program at a local college soon for gardening. I was on hinge and there was a guy who works as an entomologist there. He literally asked if I liked bugs as an opener which unfortunately works on me. I ended up not matching with him because I was a little self conscious that I might see him often when I’m attending the program on campus. After mulling over it a bit I’m having some regrets. We really would have so much niche stuff to talk about. Is there a way to undo swiping on hinge?

  27. I really wish people would stop trying to flex their money to me as a way to get what they want from me. Some guy sent me a screenshot of his (alleged) bank account in the middle of a conversation and asked me if I wanted to come over. Ugh. I hate online dating.

  29. last spring a friendly acquaintance and I started flirting over a messaging app and it seemed harmless and fun for a couple months. I was enjoying the attention he was giving me after a particularly dry spell and I really thought we could be a potential match. we had limited hangouts but I had spent enough time in the last couple years to know we seemed compatible. important to note he’s my best (male) friend’s best male friend.

    summertime rolled around and we eventually met up to hook up. he talked to our mutual friend beforehand which I thought was mature and respectable. unfortunately we didn’t establish good boundaries on the front end other than acknowledging we both wanted to not get messy since we share that mutual friend. let me say I take full responsibility for not protecting myself and my feelings here. the sex was super hot, and we met up every couple weeks. we were both sharing intimate details of our past and present lives with each other, and I knew I was in danger of caring for him more deeply than fwb permits.

    flash forward to early November. we spend the whole night together and I bring up that I was having a great time but feeling a bit anxious since we hadn’t established if we were seeing other people. I told him what would make me feel comfortable and he deflected and said “I’ve had sex with one other person than you.” the holidays came around and we didn’t chat. I chalked it up to it being a busy time of year and thinking maybe I ran him off by bringing it up.

    then New Year’s Eve comes around. our mutual friend invited me to a weekend long work event, and low and behold, he shows up with “his girlfriend.” I’m bewildered. he’s even more bewildered bc he didn’t know I would be there. I have to talk to her (because of the social situation) and pretend he wasn’t just fucking me on his way to see her. I gave my best poker face but I barely could look him in the eye for those two days knowing of his lies and her ignorance of the whole thing.

    1️⃣ does this shit happen everyday?

    I’m so hurt that he wasn’t honest with me at any point along the way. he was doing the long-distance thing with her during this whole stint, and apparently things “got serious” with her in December. 🤷‍♀️

    2️⃣ am I the asshole for not speaking my own feelings sooner and setting firmer boundaries between us?

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