I’m a 28M, and I’ve got this kink that’s been a bit of a roadblock in my dating life. It’s basically soft exhibitionism stuff. Like, I get turned on by the idea of my partner wearing something a little revealing in public, but in a subtle, teasing way. Think a bra strap slipping out intentionally, a thin top where you can kinda see through if the light hits right, or showing a bit more cleavage on purpose during a date. It’s all about that thrill of “maybe someone notices” but without actually flashing or doing anything overt. It’s playful, consensual, and focused on the excitement between us as a couple – like turning an everyday outing into secret foreplay.
The thing is, I know this isn’t for everyone, and I’m totally cool with that. But I’ve had a few experiences where I try to bring it up early on and it doesn’t go well. I’ve explained it as “I like the idea of you dressing a bit sexy in public just for me, like a shared naughty secret,” but some girls seem to misinterpret it as me wanting them to be objectified or put in uncomfortable situations. One has straight-up ghosted me right after, which sucks because I thought we were vibing.
I don’t want to hide it or spring it on someone later – that feels dishonest, especially if I’m looking for something serious. I want a relationship where we can explore fun stuff like this together if she’s into it, but if not, no hard feelings, we can part ways early. But how do I word this without coming across as creepy or pushy? Should I frame it more as a fantasy first, or give examples? Or maybe wait longer to bring it up?
Has anyone else with similar kinks navigated this in dating?
Ladies, what would make you feel okay hearing about something like this from a guy? Any tips would be awesome. Thanks!