My husband and I have 3 kids (3,2 and 4 months). Things haven’t been “good” for awhile. We are in couples therapy but there are some things that he for lack of a better word – has “forbid” me from bringing up to our therapist- twice in the past year he (without my knowledge or consent) recorded me giving him oral sex without my consent. I understandably got very upset and he said that he did it because we rarely have sex and it makes him sad to always be watching porn to get off.
The first time he did it I felt extremely violated and told him that if we weren’t married with kids- that’s something I would have left him for. He did it again a few months later and promptly blamed it on his drinking and said he was going to stop drinking because of it (he was sober for 5 months and is now drinking again).
He told me he didn’t want me bringing it up in couples therapy and last night when I said I wanted to talk about it in that safe space, he said “oh you really want to go there” and proceeded to imply that I am the reason our eldest daughter is special needs (she has a pretty severe speech delay). He implied that because I consumed weed during her pregnancy (which I didn’t), I caused her delay.
I wasn’t born yesterday. I can tell this is manipulative behavior and it’s not the only time something like this has happened. I’m not allowed
to talk about my ex boyfriends or past relationships (which I never do) because it makes him insecure because I’m the only person he’s been in love with. About a year ago when I brought up separation, he told me he would kill himself if I left him. He now says he was just emotional but I still can recognize that’s extremely manipulative behavior. This holiday his mother and I got in a yelling match for 45 minutes where she accused me of being an absentee parent and he sat there and said nothing to defend me the whole argument.
I think I’ve finally hit my breaking point. Someone that loves me would never try to intentionally hurt me by implying I’m the reason our daughter is special needs. Someone that loved me and wanted to work on our relationship wouldn’t forbid me from taking about true events that have made me feel distant from him. Someone that really loved me would show a united front with his family and stick up for his wife when their mother calls their wife an absentee parent (I am a SAHM and carry the mental load of our family not to mention I was just 2 months post partum with our third).
It feels almost impossible to leave him with such young kids but I am in a financially comfortable position and I’m 35- so young. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m no longer sexually attracted to him, I can’t stop thinking about what he did to me and how it makes me feel. I don’t want to be with a person that makes me feel the way he does- even if he is the father of my beautiful children.