I moved to Los Angeles, California from Florida when I was 17 years old to spend time with my dad and get to know him better.
The past year and a half has been the worst of my life. I feel like a shell of myself. Confidence has plummeted and I feel so judged all the time. I miss my family back home.
My dad is awesome. I love him so much. He is my bestfriend, but this living situation IS NOT WORKING. I have had my own room/space my whole life and now I am living in a studio apartment sleeping on a bunk bed. I understand a lot of people have grown up like that, but I haven't. It's very important to me to have my own space, especially as a young woman.
He is working to support me through school (I just completed school), 6 days a week. I feel so much pressure to get a job (of course I want one!) and he keeps asking me when I am getting one, and idk when!! I have applied to countless job in general over the past year and a half and it has gone NO WHERE.
Heres the situation:
I visited Florida for two weeks just recently. Was SOO HAPPY. Felt like myself again. My family plans to move to Tennessee in the fall, into a big home near the mountains. They have invited me to go. I'd have my own room! I'd have suchhh a good deal on rent! (I am expected to contribute to the household, not being let off the hook here). I love Tennessee and the area we are moving to the few times I have been. I'd be with my kid brother, who I don't feel obligated to "take care" of but I WANT to. I WANT to be there for him. I believe it'd be much easier/faster to get a job around those parts too, compared to California, let alone Los Angeles.
Lastly, I love the south. California is beautiful and amazing but home is home.
But not only that but I'd FEEL okay again.
I just don't want my dad to think I am fucking him over. I don't want to leave high and dry. He is working so hard. I'm so scared to have this conversation with him but I am going to have to have it.
HOW DO I HAVE IT??? I'm trying to be an adult here but I can't help but feel like I am being an irresponsible child.