I (30F) am at a loss for what to do. My boyfriend (37M) was getting ready for work this morning and found an old condom stuck to the bottom of my bathroom trashcan. For context, I don’t empty my bathroom trash very often, I have an IUD so no period meaning no tampons or pads, so I usually just throw tissues or q-tips in there. It takes a very long time for it to fill up and I usually only empty it when it’s full. Judge me if you want, I get it it’s gross, but the point is just that this trash can doesn’t get a lot of action. It was finally quite full and I emptied before leaving for a two week trip at the end of January. I did not when I emptied it, check the bottom for anything stuck there. And apparently, there was a condom there which god knows how long it’s been there. The last person I dated before my boyfriend was in July/August of 2024.

I told him this, but he is unsure if he believes me and doesn’t want to talk to me right now. I am just at a complete loss for what to do. I love this man so much, this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I seriously would do anything for him like I am fully his in every way and I just absolutely adore him. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life and definitely would never ever consider cheating on my boyfriend. And now I feel so helpless because the person I love thinks I’ve betrayed him because I didn’t check the bottom of my trash can for stuck on trash. I hate myself for making him feel this way and I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. I just need someone to help me make sense of what I can do here I’m so devastated and I can’t think straight about any of it.


28 comments

  1. Honestly sounds like a terrible excuse, even if it’s true. 

    Sorry, but I probably wouldn’t buy it. You’re talking about emptying a trash can every 8 months, and you would notice when you put in a new trash can liner that there is an old condom on the bottom.

    It’s probably a better lie to say your friend house sat and fed your cat for you for 2 weeks over the holidays if you were gone. At least then it’s within plausibility.

  2. How does one find something stuck to the bottom of a trash can while getting ready for work?

  3. You should have him try and empty the trash like you do, if it’s really stuck on there that could help convince him it’s been stuck for a few trash emptying cycles. If it comes right out, that would be a little more suspicious

  5. If I were your bf, it would be hard to believe. Even if true, my gf still has used condoms around the house? Wtf?!?

    It’s one of those things that’s impossible to prove didn’t happen. He either believes you or he doesn’t.

  10. wait, you never had sex with condoms with him? doesnt matter if you have an IUD, still doesnt protect against sexually transmitted diseases,

  12. easy way to tell, most sperm cells oxidize to some REALLY wierd colors at that age, if it was legit old, it wouldn’t look clear/white if it was finished in. My guess is it’s rather new, as a guy I would find this extremely hard to believe.

  14. Very tricky situation here.
    First and foremost, you must be aware of how you’re responding. Don’t try to “fix” things by doing what you think someone (i.e. you) would need to feel better, see what he needs to process this emotions, accept and go with it for a while. If he needs space, give it. Don’t start trying to prove your innocence.

    So now, how he responds, what happens next is highly influenced by any latent thoughts/feelings he’s been holding onto. This situation can easily be used as vindication for any suspicions he’s had of you, but since you’ve mentioned how much you adore him I’ll trust that you’ve been above board.

    Wait for him to come back to you, 2/3 days is likely good enough for him to cool down. If no response by then, gently nudge and ask how he’s doing. Maybe he needs more time, or maybe he can talk.

    I can’t think of anything else you can actually do to convince him. You really just have to hope that this love you’ve expressed to us in text was actually physically expressed to him. That’s what’ll reassure him of your innocence.

    Good luck

  16. I understand his point of view cause if my boyfriend told me he hasn’t changed his bathroom trash since 2024 I wouldn’t believe him either.

  17. Maybe you can offer your phone for him to check, because from his perspective, I get it.

  18. I’m sorry, I do not think this is something that can be fixed on your part. You just have to let him make his decision. Even if you weren’t intentionally keeping it around, the other problem is poor hygiene practices. Did you let that guy toss a used condom in a bin with no trash bag? That’s unhygienic because it will soil the bin. You also never wiped the bin since 2024? Even if you only tossed q-tips, at least empty it fairly regularly and wipe the bin every time you clean your bathroom, which hopefully is often. So not only is it hard to believe, but even if you are being truthful he has to accept the hygiene piece. This is a toughy but if everything else has been amazing maybe he’ll come around?

  19. Maybe this could be a good test of trust…which is essential for a healthy relationship. Maybe sit him down and be very serious for a moment and tell him with full truth in your heart that you did not cheat on him, and if he doesn’t trust you, then it’s not a relationship that would have worked out in the long run anyways.

  20. Sorry but you are not gonna’ get out of this situation easily. From boyfriends PoV it’s totally understandable.

  21. I’m a guy. I usually don’t empty my trash cans until they are full either. I probably have fewer things to go in the trashcan than you. Even so, I need to empty it every few weeks and/or when I do a good cleaning. Yours has gone 18 months. I think I would be doubting you as well.

  22. You could look into what a professional lie detector test would cost and offer to take that test in front of him, pay for it yourself, and let him ask whatever he wants to know. At the very least it would demonstrate a degree of commitment on your part.

  24. I’m sorry OP, the cautionary tale of this story is to thoroughly clean your bathroom 😭

  25. Granted my bathroom trashcan is full of toilet paper rolls and I haven’t emptied it in years, so I believe this is possible.

  27. Lmao OP is just out here getting roasted for cleanliness in the comment section and not even any of the people here believe her story lmao

  28. There’s no help anyone can give you. He will believe you or not.

    And yeah, that’s gross. I don’t care how often it gets full, when you clean the bathroom you should be cleaning the bin, whether it is full or not.

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