I (27 F) and my bf (26M) have been together for nearly a year and a half. He was very inexperienced when we got together, which i was okay with and understood that he’d need some direction. I’ll try to keep this brief-
He’d always go straight from kissing to PIV, and he’d struggle to last very long. Which i understood and did not judge him for.
I explained to him in the beginning that i need external stimulation and actual PIV by itself wont get me there, but he still didnt show interest or initiative in foreplay. He’d try taking pills or drink to last longer while i touch myself while in the act, until I finally expressed that what would actually be helpful is if he did some foreplay for me beforehand or afterwards, that way i could either get there quicker during the act, or just be taken care of beforehand so he’s not worried about his stamina. He said he’d do that if i ask, I told him that as a giving person in the bedroom, I’d really appreciate if my partner just takes a genuine interest in reciprocating, rather than make me have to ask every time.
Anyways, no change, he seemed to avoid it, my feelings would get more hurt, i slowly started getting resentful. I expressed once again, that the lack of foreplay beforehand makes it difficult for me, and also makes PIV hurt since Im not fully prepped. I asked if we could please make time for that, still no change.
Well recently i had health issues where we could not sleep together for a month, still i did things for him in the bedroom even though i couldn’t receive.
Finally I was better and when we first went to sleep together, again foreplay was skipped, i expressed i was struggling to finish, so he just finished himself up. i thought maybe after just giving for a month with nothing in it for me, i would expect my partner at the very least take a moment to offer to do something that would actually help me, and offer to touch me in anyway other than just putting it in. Yes, you can argue that i should’ve just clearly asked, but If the roles were reversed it would’ve occurred to me without being asked, and i would just WANT to do it for my partner. and it hurts my feelings that that feeling is not reciprocated. Then a few days later he even said that session was him “returning the favor” even though he knew i was left hanging.
I wasn’t sure how to bring up the issue without making him feel like i was pressuring him to do things that i started to get the impression he just must not want to do. So i kinda just started pulling away and avoiding intimacy
Anyway, he brought it up, and i tried to explain how the situation really hurt my feelings, and I while i would never want to make him do something he doesn’t want to do, it’s hurtful to always give, always be left hanging, and have a partner that doesn’t even think to reciprocate in anyway even when ive expressed it would really help. I’m not asking for any freaky stuff, I’m just asking for someone other than me to touch me. I also confessed that i ended up faking it sometimes after it seemed like all the times i expressed what i really need got ignored or avoided. It got very emotional, he said I should do acts for him out of love and not to get something in return and he doesn’t want me doing anything to him again if that’s my intention. And i tried to explain that I wasn’t doing it to get the favor returned, but Im allowed to feel hurt when it’s clear over and over again that the feeling is not reciprocated, he said he would do whatever i want if i ask and i need to communicate better, and i got so frustrated because i have brought it up many times and dont know how else i could communicate it. I ended up crying myself to sleep.
Now it’s the next day and things are very uncomfortable, I just feel humiliated for having to cry and beg my partner to touch me.
Does anyone know how I fix this or are we just sexually incompatible?