This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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29 comments
Hey fellow expressive girlies, this is just a reminder (to me as well š) to never let a man dim your shine! I am a talker! Iām a verbal processor with a good attitude, Iām gonna give people compliments, Iām gonna smile at strangers, Iām gonna find the joy in little things others might find silly! I am not nonchalant! I wear my heart on my sleeve and I talk about my thoughts and feelings! Since āgetting back out thereā Iāve met multiple men who are so offended by my way of being. Men who I learned a valuable lesson from after they pursued me and wanted to keep seeing me while actively trying to change meā¦ and I put up with that! Sillyā¦ I ignored the red flags because I know ānot everyone is going to like meā or how I am but, then I realized, my future partner better friggin like me! Haha maybe that sounds silly to some but it took me a minute for it to really click! I LIKE who I am and I want a man who not only can āput upā with how I am but who appreciates it!! We all deserve that!
inshallah i will complete my mission to block 99.999999% of Hinge users until i must decide between the three potentially compatible people in a 200 mile radius
Tomorrow I will probably see the guy I have been seeing and I intend to have a conversation with him. I havenāt been feeling good in this connection due to the lack of communication. Itās very difficult for me to speak up. I hope I can say what I want to tell him.
Not really dating related, but having spent over a decade dealing with health issues and not working, then 2 years ago finding and getting a degree in a career that’s basically made for me, and then applying to job after job with no luck since last summer… today I was basically offered my dream job over the phone? And they’re offering like 25% more than I dared hope for.
Like it’s just a verbal agreement right now and there’s paperwork and stuff to go through before it’ll be all official, so while I should probably be happy right now my brain’s just mush. Probably because it feels too good to be true and I’m so used to stuff not working out that I’m just waiting for life to jump out and say “gotcha!”.
Although I guess it is kinda related since this will resolve one of the major issues keeping me from wanting to date.
I watched Leap Year and now I’m unrealistically romanticizing the idea of meeting some hot European man, becoming enemies but forced to spend time together, and us falling madly in love with each other and getting engaged and some shit.
I shouldn’t be allowed to watch ANY romance content whatsoever when I’m on my period.
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Iāve been feeling a bit unlovable lately
I have my date coming for Saturday. The vibes could vary but weāll see. I started talking to this other woman[36F] from Facebook dating and weāve been hitting it off well by texting. Iām curious to see what those vibes are like in person too. I feel like weād get along more, but you never know. I guess time will reveal it all.
These threads have helped me so much. I just want to say thank you to this community for your kindness, wisdom and support. š«¶š»š
Follow up to me [ending things with Casual Guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/o7Ml3P7aXn):
The fact that he just replied āokā reeeeeally bruised my ego. I know it comes from a bad place to want to reaction out of him; Iām only human haha. I guess it shows he has not remorse about what he did. I know my frustration will pass, just need a little time. But I will **not** blow up on him. I probably would have done that in my 20s, but he would be too happy to get a reaction out of me, and I will not give him that joy.
How long do you wait after a date to plan a second date?
Recently took the advice here to delete the apps for a while, I felt like I was trying to force something and failing. I have felt good, in a way its a weight off my shoulders that paradoxically has made me more relaxed, optimistic and curious about dating.
Did have a little cry in the shower of my ex earlier though – so that’s probably argument enough that i’m not ready. I thought I was way past this stage since its coming up to a year, but these last few weeks feelings have just come in waves.
I feel like healing from heartbreak is like this reverse onion peeling where every few weeks you zoom out a bit further to understand why it happened and how you got there. I enjoy reading stories on here of people who are on the other side of it all now.
It’s a bit cliched but how many roses are appropriate for a 4th date Valentine’s Day? We are doing dinner then drinks afterwards.
A single one feels a bit lonely but a massive bouquet seems inpractical to carry around for the night if nothing else (not to mention expensive)
What do you do when youāre experiencing loneliness so great that it feels like your heart is caving in but you have no where to go or anyone to talk to? Help!
I stuck to my guns, I didnāt double textā¦ and the guy ended up texting meā¦. Iām gonna act like my silence made a difference šš
I went on a first date with someone (A) today. It was great and I’m definitely interested in seeing them again.
During the date, she mentioned her friend (B) went to a speed dating event last week. For some reason, I decided to tell A I went to this same event
I don’t have the results yet, but in the off chance I match with the B, how should I approach it? I have no idea who B is and I wrote down at least 5 girls. No doubt B will tell A if we matched. Should I still go through if we do? It could be awkward and while I certainly doubt I’ll match with every girl I met, I could be missing five potential connections if I’m paranoid about matching with B
Has anyone got experience dating someone who is allergic to your pet? Did it workout?Ā
Iāve been dating my bf for 3 months and he knew obviously I had a dog from the beginning said he was fine with it and even offered to let me bring him over our 3rd date when he cooked for me, but I declined bc heās a big shedder.Ā
He has met my dog several times obviously and has stayed over once, but he gets hives and everything. Sneezes like crazy. Has to take medicine
He told me it doesnāt bother him I have a dog but sometimes I get a little nervous how we would navigate this super long term. Heās super sweet to my dog and my dog loves him.
I guess Iām just a little bummed we donāt get sleep oversā¦ I canāt stay there and leave my dog and heās stayed here the one time but thatās it. I totally understand tho after seeing his allergy in action the last 3 months and sympathize, I guess maybe itās more of an anxiety Iām having than a real problemĀ
For whatever reason I got like 10x the replies on r4r than I was expecting. Big confidence boost and met some really cool and friendly people.
Good first date but super dry text?
Went on a date last weekend and we vibed and he asked for my number immediately
But the next few days of texting were quite dry just like sleeping schedule and such and super long like 6-7 hrs between each text so we probably text 1-2 times a day
Then on wednesday he asked me what I am doing this weekend so I thought that was leeway for him to ask me out
I told him I am just meeting a few friends and ask what he is up to
Then he just told me he has to drive somewhere a few hours away on Sunday and he forgot there will be some sports game on during that time and how he hadnt been paying attention to outside
And thatās it
Am i supposed to respond or just leave it/ move on?
Like he didnt ask me any questions must responding to mine and thatās it
Just a vent.
I guess romantic relationships are not for me. It never works.
When I am single I feel fine, never lonely and never bored. But then whenever I start having feelings for a man sooner or later some suffering and this acute feeling of loneliness comes.
I have amazing friendships. Yesterday I was going to meet a friend and just randomly sent some unrelated voice note to another friend and she was like āawww you sound so happyā. And I was, I was happy and excited. I was going to meet a friend, without an umbrella looking under a pouring rain for flowers for another friend we were going to visit. I was feeling so present, excited and happy to be meeting my friend.
I donāt even like I have this some internal need to meet a man. It has always brought problems to my life. Even more, I absolutely donāt expect any man to be there for me if something terrible happens to me. I feel I was lucky I was single last summer when I was bedridden because I just know every single man I would have chosen to be with would have abandoned me in that moment, and to deal with both physical and emotional pain at the same time would be way too much.
And itās definitely not to say that it is something wrong with men. No, I have great male friends, absolutely beautiful men. But I guess I always have to CHOOSE someone who makes me suffer. I am certain itās a āme problemā. I definitely cannot say that I havenāt met good men etc., no. I am sure I successfully missed good men.
I guess I should be grateful for being able to have wonderful friendships and live with this.
It is also not difficult for me to speak up if I donāt like something in friendships. Although, it honestly happens so so so extremely rarely that there is anything bothering me in my friendships. But when it comes to romantic relationships I just cannot. Tomorrow I have to speak to the guy I am seeing coz I am not happy. But I am already terrified, already freeze. And itās not about this guy. I donāt even remember if I always had this huge fear to raise my concerns? I guess not. But I guess after being either blamed for āstarting a dramaā, facing silent treatment or agressive scary reactions, this might be the consequence. Why do I need all this? All this mess? I truly want to feel no need for a relationship coz I am happier when I am single.
Women, what are some things that you appreciate a man noticing about you on the first date, or first few dates? Appearance, personality, your career, etc.?
Monday marks 2 years since I met my ex and Iām already getting weird anxiety about it. Why? I donāt really know, aside from still missing him. The date is on my calendar and I keep forgetting about it until I see it.
Iām heading out of state for the weekend to visit a friend I havenāt seen in a few years. Iām looking forward to spending some much needed time with a fellow single woman in her 30s who very much wants a partner.
Notoriously, your hinge likes are always a queue of weirdos. I canāt describe it, but itās just all people Iād never, ever date and I get likes from them over and over. Seems to happen to every woman I know. It occurred to me today this must also happen to dudes and that Iām probably one of many weirdos in someoneās queue that theyād never date either š
32nb Update!
Things w 39m are going so well :ā) itās been a month/5 weeks! Iāve lost count of the number of dates (9 or 10 I think). Iām a very nice zone of not being ready to Ā«Ā define the relationshipĀ Ā» but excited to hopefully do so in another month or two. Weāll see what happens! But I know we are mutually smitten! And will wake up on Valentineās Day together :ā) I want to make him a little card :ā) ahhh! š
I have not been on the app since before Covid and I feel like itās kind of crazy how much older everyone has gotten. I know Iāve also gotten older, but all the men feel like they look 10 years older than I do and weāre the same age. Like I look like a child next to them. And they are my uncle. I donāt know if that means I should lower my age parameters. Itās currently set between 30 and 39, and I am almost 34. So idk.
Tried an open relationship because I wanted to be with the person, but in the end it didn’t work. I feel like part of the reason they wanted an open relationship was to sleep with their long time friend former fwb buddy again. When I mentioned my concerns about that relationship, the response was I don’t want to fight and that I’m not ready for an open relationship. So things ended.
Now I just wonder what was real and not real while I was with that person, like did they love or care about me?…how much of our talks about marriage and kids was sincere?…just a lot of what ifs in my head and where to go next…
On dating while being disabled and Covid-cautious:
Health updates!
1. My partner went for an STI screening to do “whatever that gives me the peace of mind to be with him” and tested negative so far!
2. He has started masking today and I’m so happy and feeling much safer. When I asked him why he made the decision, he said, “Why not?” and also ’cause of a certain disease outbreak happening where we are. Either way, he’s keeping himself safe and this also means I’m safer too when we suck each other’s face later š
I think I am going to say “I love you” to him soon enough ā¤ļø
Been rocking a 3-4mm stubble for the last few months but today it hit 10C so I feel like it’s time to shave and be “fresh for spring”. Luckily if I regret it I’ll be back to square one a week later. Speed dating tomorrow so they’ll get a view of the first shave of the year.