Okay so I need someone to objectively tell me if I’m being insane.
I met this guy a few weeks ago. He’s hot, a doctor, good kisser,built,cute. and the first week we met was INTENSE. He was texting constantly, saying he missed me, coming to my workplace to see me, being super attentive. It genuinely felt like we were hitting it off and that it could turn into something real.
Then a week in, he goes to a music festival, does ecstasy, runs into a former hookup, and tells her he loves her and wants to give it a go. Meanwhile he leaves me hanging for days acting weird. I had to push for answers. And he after days he begrudgingly admitted that he met someone else, I was so hurt but I wished him well and stopped talking. And a few weeks later he got in touch w me again and told me that he isn’t seeing her anymore.
That situation blew up because apparently she was seeing someone else too(behind his back lol), so now he’s “not looking for anything serious.” Because he was hurt by her.
Fast forward, we start hooking up again. It’s amazing physically, but emotionally it’s confusing. At one point we’re making out and his phone rings — saved as “Cookie ❤️.” I ask who it is and he casually says it’s the festival girl and that she’s been crying and calling him every week. Which… didn’t sit right with me.because why is she calling everyday when it’s been weeks since it ended? Maybe cuz he refuses to give her closure/clarity is what I felt(based on how he treated me). And also, why the f would he talk about her to me when we’re making out??? Just put your phone down bro. What a mood kill.
And the next day I even told him that I wanna step away from this dynamic because I didn’t wanna get in the middle of what they have going on-and that it must be intense if he’s saved her number with a heart and stuff. To which he gaslights me saying “it was the tongue emoji not a heart” like bruh how is that any better, and I know wha I saw.
I’ve realized I can barely name three solid things I like about him besides sex and the fact that he’s impressive. But for some reason I’m deeply affected by his words and actions. The thought of him with another woman eats me up. I keep thinking if I stay and keep sleeping with him, maybe one day he’ll fall for me. Which I know is a terrible strategy.
I also notice I do this pattern where I get super activated, start imagining a future, and almost feel willing to rearrange my entire life just to make it work with someone. Even when logically I see the red flags. It’s like my body takes over and I’m trying to secure the connection at all costs.
Part of it is also that everyone around me is getting engaged/married and I feel behind. So walking away feels scary because what if I don’t find someone else like this?
But staying feels anxious and sad more than happy.
So I guess my question is: is this even worth pursuing?