Hi guys,
me(25F) and this guy(30M) have been seeing each other for two months now, but we have known each other for almost a year through my friends. He reached out to me and we texted 24/7. We had a really nice first date, he did try to go deep quick, but I expressed I wanted to go slow, for I have been single for 3 years. He said he was fine with that.
His communication became quite inconsistent but he’d get back to me and I did not push. Then when he got back to me I decided to take initiative and invited him for dinner.
I cooked multiple meals and he arrived an hour late. A bit of a red flag popped up when I asked about his love life too. Given his career, his sister told me there were some women chasing him, but when he said he had been single for a year, but “never really alone” an alarm went off.. After that I expressed his communication style(texting too) confused me and he said he hides his insecurity behind it.
At one point he told me he wasn’t a man of grand gestures to which I told him I do not need that but that I value respect and punctuality. He tried to laugh it off, saying that I’m nagging already, but I told him that these are just my values so he can take me as I am or leave it. He stayed over without intimacy, though he tried for it and I said I’d only do it w my husband to which he said that he would one day marry me then but did not push further. We had breakfast and then a walk.
We didn’t really text much after that, his replies were dry, but he wrote a poem about me which he posted publicly. I saw it and decided to invite him out again, he said he was in a different mode with work but offered a “short date”.
Last weekend was our latest date. I wanted to honor his wish for a short date so after movie I offered to go home but he said he wanted me to stay. We spent the night talking, he made me stay for breakfast and we parted after noon. I texted him to say thanks that same day, got a reply.
Next day, when I sent something that reminded me of him, he replied almost a day later in a very dry/sarcastic tone.
I went on a business trip for a few days so I let the connection rest since it seemed he wanted space. When I returned I asked if he had time the next day (Saturday) and that I’d be happy to see him. He replied “Hey, unfortunately I’m swamped” and nothing else.
At this point his ambivalence is beginning to hurt me, as I have been honest and open, from the beginning about everything and I’d really love to know if this is just somebody avoidant or if I’m being rejected rn and should stop trying. His warmth in person and then sudden distance make me confused and I can’t ask our friends about it, because I haven’t told them that something happened between us and frankly, now hope he did not tell them either.