This is just a rant post i guess. I need to get some feelings and thoughts out.
I’ve been with my boyfriend almost a year now. I love him dearly, I think he is a wonderful person and he has been so kind to me. He has some amazing qualities, he is driven, independent, intelligent, gorgeous. I really thought we were going to get married and be happy together forever.
Recently I am starting to notice more and more incompatibilities. We are medium distance and I find myself missing him a lot more than he misses me. He says it’s not a reflection on how he feels about us, but he just has a lot going on where he lives and it’s hard for him to get away to come see me. He has so many friends and so much fun, and I feel like whenever he is with me he is just not as happy as he would have been at his own place with his people. I feel like I get to see him when he happens to have spare time, but he doesn’t actually make the time for me.
He says I nag him and I just need to get out of my head and understand he still loves me but he is just busy. That is partly true, but I just can’t help but feel like I need more. He doesn’t feel like my safe space to voice my emotions anymore. I feel like i’m walking on eggshells trying not to push him or bother him with my feelings. He does his best to be there for me, but I don’t think we love in the same way and it’s really wearing on me.
I’m starting to feel like we should break up, but I really do love him and I know things will be better once we both get to a more stable point in our lives and can be closer to each other again. I just don’t know if i can wait that long. I feel lonely even when he is here. When he leaves after visiting I just feel empty. I don’t want to break up, but the constant stress of thinking about our relationship and feeling neglected is becoming a lot.
I know all the advice i’m going to get is just to break up, i don’t need to hear it. Just needed to rant.