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Nerves. I can’t remember the last time i’ve rejected someone I dated, so I’m having a hard time deciphering how i’m feeling. I had a great first date with a girl last weekend and since then we’ve connected on IG and talked a bit more but I don’t know if I’m attracted to her as much as I wish I was. She has a very pretty face, but physically I don’t feel all that attracted to her. She’s also a lot less warm than girls i’ve dated in the past, and confessed she’s not all that of an affectionate person.
She lives about an hour away in a rural direction from me, and I guess if I was way more into her I could see making it work. But it just feels like not enough stuff is aligning chemistry wise. She asked last minute if I wanted to do something today (aka me having to drive to her because there’s nothing between us to do) but I found myself just coming up with an excuse because I didn’t feel like spending 2 hours on the road when i’m not sure of my attraction or how doable the relationship is long term.
I do have people pleasing tendencies, and often when I find someone generally nice to talk to, it’s hard for me to disengage even if it’s not a perfect match. I wonder if I should give it another chance in person, or if it’s better to call it off now. It goes against my instincts to hurt someone, and it also feels like I am not sure enough to know how incompatible we really are.
Does anyone else feel like they ignore their physical attraction response because it feels “shallow” or potentially like it’s keeping them from forming a rewarding connection?
Date 3 was awesome. Had a slight scheduling hiccup with date 4 but no funny business, just a deliberate firm reschedule and no shrinking from the fact that next weekend is Valentine’s Day. In fact he asked me to be his valentine yesterday, which is probably the first real mushy thing that’s been said. It’s adorable. I feel like I’m in sixth grade again, in the best way. Still in that little half panic of “this feels good” and “pace yourself.” And I know it’s kinda gross of me but I can’t help but wonder if my ex has a so-called valentine this year. I certainly didn’t expect to. I mean, I took months and months to heal, but I’m still shocked I’m not only dating but dating someone I really like who seems to really like me too. It’s still early days. Idk. Just glad to be experiencing a nicer side of life lately, even if it’s strange.
I’m (36F) one of the oldest people in this particular friend group (and the extended friend group ie. Friends of the friends) The oldest person is 3 months older than me (but different year) and the rest of the guys are younger than me (at least 5 years younger, but many are in their 20s still).
I thought I had a crush on this guy who is 28, he’s a wonderful human, a walking green flag and all that – but then I realized that I like him as a friend, but not like like him, which is just as well because it came up in conversation that the guys in this friend group would date women who are older by 1-2 years, maximum 5 years, so I’m out if the age range….
Also, I realized that I had and still have a crush on the older guy. It’s been months now, and it’s on me, I know it’s on me, I’m invisible to him, but I can’t help crushing a little (or a lot). He’s an engineer by training, has his own property, sings beautifully, loves his family, is kind and helpful. He also doesn’t really talk to women for some reason – except maybe older women who are the same age as his mother. I know that it’s hopeless to crush on someone who doesn’t even greet/know I exist, but I’m tired of being “nice” – I did make small talk over the festive season (for a few consecutive weeks!) So now I’m matching his energy – he doesn’t greet, I don’t greet. He gives me a look of disdain (like I insulted his family) I give him a blank look and still not greet…
Got a date on the books for next Friday. She’s really funny, has a perfect combo of chipper and bleak outlook, and is so unreasonably gorgeous that I’m going to be stumbling over my words all evening. She’s a dentist, which is horrifying tbh.
I’m going to see what happens with this person and someone else I’ve been on a couple dates with and then I think I’m going to take a break. I am having fun, but I’m not fully in it and I know it.
Dating two guys right now. Both are 35, as am I.
One I have dated around 6 weeks and one I’ve dated 3 months. I thought the 3 month one was going to fade away the past couple weeks as he’s been distant, and then he went on vacation, but he’s back and we are going on dates again.
Both are insanely kind, no red flags, both have long term jobs, both are good in bed. Both are ok that I’m dating other people (…for now) so I don’t feel bad I’m dating them both and don’t feel like I need to make a choice until I’m ready.
I see a good possible future with both. And I’m so grateful to be with them when I’m on the dates. I like getting to know them and I truly care about them and want them to be happy.
Valentine’s Day is coming up. I found small thoughtful gifts for each of them. I’m spending Valentine’s Day with my friends.
It’s weird that this is my life and that I’m so comfortable getting to know them. I used to rush in to things and then end up really hurt. But going slow really is the best way. A couple months ago I didn’t know they existed. I’m thankful they both do
First date this afternoon! No expectations but looking forward to meeting someone new and drinking some coffee. He’s from Greece, so it should make for some interesting conversations.
What’s everyone doing for the Super Bowl? I have plans but it is so absolutely freezing I kind of want to stay home and rot. Don’t want to cancel at the last minute though.
I’ve had first dates with 4 girls from Bumble in the past year. They were all cafe dates and with three of them, I thought we had a great time together. I felt comfortable and it didn’t feel like an interview. Lots of conversation, laughter, and banter, sharing stories as we get to know each other. But with all 4 of them, they come back the next day saying they didn’t feel any connection towards me. This is frustrating because I don’t know what kind of connection girls are expecting after just one date. Maybe I should stop doing coffee dates and do activity dates instead? It’s -20C out though so I don’t know what activities we can do. I’m frustrated and I don’t know what or how I need to change to build the connection.
I was feeling guilty about cutting this guy off and then that theory about passing lessons hit.
If that is true I really passed this one with As across the board. Recognized the obsessive behavior, no boundaries, and got to moving.
Usually it takes me two years to figure it out lol
I’m just not cut out for dating, I don’t think. This post is more venting and screaming into the void than anything, but putting it out there can be therapeutic and I’m hoping that it is for me.
For context, I’ve never dated before, but I’ve had relationships. I was married for seven years. We separated 3.5 years ago, divorced 2.5 years ago, and I thought it was finally time that I tried to change my situation. I finally have a job where I’m making decent money. I’ve lost 175 pounds (I still have more to go, but I look better than I ever have). I was actually happy. So last November, I though to myself “The one thing I’m missing is someone to share this life with” and hopped on Hinge.
I got several matches, had several conversation, and had three first dates. The first woman was literally everything I could have asked for. Parenting style that matched me, identical morals and values, enough overlapping interests and an openness to share the interests that were individual to each other. We went on three dates and I completely sabotaged that opportunity and I’m still left wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Her and I are maintaining a friendship, but I doubt the door for a relationship will ever open again.
Second woman catfished me. The pictures were of the person who I met, but she was at least 100 pounds heavier than what her photos showed. I still ended up going on a second date because her and I at least were able to have good conversation, but after the first date it started to show her goals and values weren’t the same as mine. Same as above, maintaining a friendship here, which I think is far more appropriate for us both.
Third woman I’m just absolutely baffled by. Our first date was perfect – great conversation, lots of laughs, a ton of shared experiences, very similar interests, absolutely no discomfort at all throughout the night. After the date, she went out of the way to text me about how much fun she had with me. Then she completely ghosted me – which, because I have never dated before as mentioned above, is the first time this has happened to me. I can’t believe how much this is sticking with me, but I just do not get it. It’s been three weeks since the date and I just can’t figure out what went so wrong that I don’t at least deserve a “Hey, I just wasn’t feeling it”.
And all this to say I’m taking a break. The ups and downs are just too much for me. Despite being the happiest I’ve ever been in my life in early November, this roller coaster has left me incredibly low today. I never had a goal of like “Have a date for Valentine’s Day” or anything like that, but now that the day is approaching and I know that there isn’t going to be anyone thinking of me this Saturday, I just feel so alone and empty.
To anyone who reads this, thank you. Like I said, I just wanted to put it out there.
A guy broke things off after asking me on a second date but keeps inviting me to concerts one on one. Are there some guys who genuinely want women as friends like this (in this kind of setting)? I guess so but I’ve just never experienced this before so am not used to it. Always happy to have new friends though
I’ve never celebrated valentine’s day before so for those of you who are more seasoned in this area: is it customary for guys to receive a gift for the holiday?
So, I think I might have found the right person, but with the wrong timing and it’s just… crushing. We met a few months ago at a mutual acquaintances party, had a great convo but I chickened out on asking for their info. Finally re-connected, had several amazing dates which all went much longer than either had planned with conversation that was effortless.
Unfortunately, at the end of the year, we found out that they were going to need to move for work a few hours away for an undetermined amount of time. We had an open conversation and decided to at least try to make it work, as we both enjoyed our time together and saw something real there.
However, since then, our timing has been terrible. We’ve both been travelling on opposite weeks for work, then there was a family emergency and they had to step back. I’m now at a point where my text messages are largely going unanswered and honestly, I have no idea if they have already moved or not, as they should’ve moved already, but I think it got delayed due to everything going on. Not a great sign, though.., I know that when things get serious, an early relationship is not a priority, but it just sucks.
I think I need to have another conversation and try to get a read on where we are and whether this is just them having a lot on their plate, or if something has changed. As someone who has, after a lot of work, recently learned that I am an anxious-avoidant, this whole relationship has been outside of my comfort zone, and this conversation is going to be much the same. But I think it needs to happen, if only for my own sanity.
I’m getting mixed signals from a 30F I’ve been on a couple of dates with and I’m not sure what to make of it.
Her texting has been *very* slow and intermittent. I’m not a big texter myself, but she will sometimes take 24-48 hours to respond to basic logistical texts, like confirming dates and times for dates. However when she finally does respond the texts themselves are enthusiastic.
But in person on actual dates, she has been very engaged and enthusiastic in our conversations, and they’ve flowed very well. She also clearly put a lot of effort into her appearance for our dates as well. And both dates have been on the longer side (about 3 hours) even though she could have bailed earlier if she wasn’t interested.
To muddle the signals even more though, her body language has been very reserved. She’s not standing very close to me or leaning in at all, and hasn’t initiated any touch except brief hello and goodbye hugs. The few times I’ve broken the touch barrier (briefly on her arm or upper back, nothing too intense), she didn’t react or reciprocate. At the end of our second date I wasn’t getting clear signals on whether she wanted to kiss, so I asked if she would like a kiss, and she turned me down.
After she turned me down for a kiss, I was convinced she wasn’t interested and that I would soon receive a “no spark” text. Instead when I proposed a third date via text the next day, she immediately and enthusiastically agreed.
There’s not much I can do about this, I suppose, except go on the next date and see what happens. Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? If this pattern continues on a 3rd, 4th, or 5th date, at what point would it be reasonable to have a conversation with her about it?
Men coming out of the woodwork to try and connect. It’s nice but I’m not feeling like dating them in particular. Was hanging out with one with a guy I used to see bartending and a guy I used to hook up with hanging out right next to me. It was all so tame and no weird energy from anyone. I enjoyed my time with the guy of the present with these two of the past. I don’t really feel invested towards any of them, but the maturity, clarity and calm made me feel hopeful towards the future