Im (22F) and I have been dating a guy (23M) for almost 5 years. However, after around 3.5 years of dating he joined the military. It’s been over a year now since he left and we have been doing long distance since then. He’s been away for 1.5 years now and although I love him and im incredibly proud of him. The relationship is hanging on by a thread. I keep bringing it up to him how i have been feeling with the relationship and i can see he is trying but the truth is that at this point we really are living two completely separate lives. We go days without a proper conversation. I am not sure what happened because I thought we were handling long distance well. And after conversations with him it’s very clear im the only one feeling this way.
Another thing is that we are in different stages of our lives.
I feel like I have been contemplating to break up far too long because i am yearning for change. While i feel stuck here in my hometown and trapped for the next few years. He actually loves his job and lives in a different state. He is a few states over and therefore we don’t really see each other either.
I once felt like i knew everything and i had everything planned. But now i am questioning everything and have been the past 3 months.
He is a good person, he is hardworking and so incredibly sweet and kind and I hate listening to him talk me up about how amazing i am because i feel like an imposter and a hypocrite.
Given that my life has become so independent from him, it doesn’t feel like Im dating anyone. And that creates a desire to be autonomous and single.
I’m scared to make a decision because im scared to have deep regrets. My love language is quality time. And truthfully that’s something i rarely get. Only on occasion when he is back in town or i go visit. Which is not very often since we both have very busy schedules and are very far away from each other.
I really don’t want to break his heart. But this feeling won’t go away. Should I continue to work for the relationship trying to save it? Or should I try a different path. I don’t want to leave him and regret losing my best friend. I have a lot of affection for him. But truthfully him joining the military was never on the table, it happened suddenly. And it was never a life I wanted or envisioned for myself, but at the same time I love him. I don’t know how to proceed or what to do. I just know that I feel so far away from him and so apart, we don’t share much anymore. And no moving with him or closer to him is not an option. I am finishing grad school and my classes are in person as well as my practicum hours.
TD;LR
My boyfriend (23M) joined the military 1.5yrs ago and since then we have been living completely different and separate lives. We have been dating close to 5 years and I have been contemplating leaving, but idk if i should keep working on it or give it up.