I’m a 24-year-old woman and my husband is 28. We’ve been together for five years and married for five months.
We got married this summer in my home country and had a very small celebration that my family and I organized and paid for. All he had to do was buy the rings and his suit and come. We are both medical students in his country, and my family has always been understanding about how hard it is for him financially. I usually work every summer, so I paid for the wedding, for a language course so he could someday work in my country after graduation, and for most of our living expenses. We moved into his studio apartment, and my student loan is currently covering almost everything. His parents only send money occasionally. And I always convince myself it will all be worth it in the end living with the bare minumum right now i have no expecations from him to take me out on dates or anything,
I love him deeply. He is my best friend, gentle, affectionate, and usually very supportive. That’s what makes this so painful.
When I met him, he was addicted to pregabalin, and I stayed by his side for two years while he fought to get clean. I believed in him and I was proud of him. I truly thought that chapter was behind us.
Then, about a month after we returned to university this year, I discovered tramadol. He had been taking high doses for five months paying for the prescriptions with money that ultimately came from me, while I was working, planning our wedding, and dreaming about our future together. Finding that out crushed me.
He cried, apologized, and told me he wanted help. I tried to see it as a relapse, not the end. We booked a psychiatrist and started a tapering plan. I said I couldn’t afford it for him, but in the end I still helped financially and took care of him through withdrawals.
Two months later he told me he was completely off it. But my trust was already fragile. When I later found a hidden prescription, he first lied… and then admitted the taper had been too fast and that he had secretly continued for another month. I told him very clearly that the lying hurt more than anything and that if it happened again, I didn’t know if I could stay.
Since then I’ve been living in constant anxiety. I hate who I’m becoming checking his things, watching his behavior, trying to catch him in something, i am full invistagator mode and he is full liar mode and manipulative. I don’t want to be this suspicious wife, but I don’t feel safe emotionally anymore.
Yesterday everything exploded again. I followed him without him knowing and looked in his car. I found a pill under the seat. When I confronted him, he insisted it wasn’t tramadol and claimed it was for erectile issues. When I tried to search it, he became defensive and angry, accusing me of being controlling. He kept lying, saying im embaressing him that this is for potency , he did it to surprise me, i am being controlling i need to believe him , until i found the exact pill online he tried to lie more but it didnt work out , he broke down and started crying and apologizing and said he was “just one pill a day,” he said, not enough to get high.
Once again, he cried. Once again, he promised it wouldn’t happen again.
And I just feel empty.
We just got married. I don’t want to be divorced already. I love him so much, but I’m exhausted from being his caretaker, his financial support, and the person who keeps discovering the truth. I don’t know where I would go if I left or how I would explain this to my family. I have three months until summer and feel completely trapped.
What hurts the most is the lying. Over and over. I don’t know if I can rebuild trust after this many broken promises. I’m terrified that this cycle will never end and that I’ll spend my life policing his addiction instead of living my own.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
TL;DR:
24F married to 28M, together five years, married five months. I financially support us while we’re both medical students. He previously quit pregabalin but keeps relapsing on tramadol and lying about it despite psychiatric help. I love him but feel exhausted, trapped, and unable to trust him anymore.What should I do ?